Drowning in the water,
In a sea of my own blood,
Fighting to be free,
How do I make this less cliche?
thanks
2007-03-01 07:30:58 · 3 answers · asked by Sammy 5 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Music
update:
Drowning in the water,
In a sea of my own blood,
Struggle to be free,
Thrashing…helpless in the ocean,
As death charges at me.
2007-03-01 07:40:05 · update #1
You contradict yourself in the first two lines. Water and then blood. Fighting doesn't fit either if you're in liquid. Scrap this and start from scratch. It's "chorus", by the way.
EDIT - blood is cliche, it's creepy and not poetic. Try something like
Drowning in the sea,
Struggle to be free,
Thrashing…helpless in the ocean,
As death hunts me.
2007-03-01 07:38:52 · answer #1 · answered by Crash 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I find that the best approach is to not write what sounds cool but to write about a life experience you have had. Use metaphors if you like, but there are thousands of songs that use those words in the chorus.
2007-03-01 15:45:28 · answer #2 · answered by shaqsbiggestfan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't mention any form of dying, fighting, bleeding, breathing, or the words love, soul, or angry.
2007-03-01 15:37:44 · answer #3 · answered by Your Uncle Dodge! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋