Still love her, but no future with her. Should I divorce?

Question

She just will not put any effort to make the marriage work. She is in it for herself. Just don't see any change and it just isn't worth the effort for what I'm getting out of it. She does nothing at home, and she does nothing for me. It's all about her. Should I divorce her? Serious replies, please.

Answer 1

Well any relationship has to be 50% 50% and if she doesn't want to even make an effort, why should you keep trying, I have been married now for 15 yrs , but my first husband was the same situation as you are living now. My advice to you my friend is make a clean break and find someone who wants to be with you and really make it work, remember that you can't change her she has to change herself.Other people have mentioned if you have children , well even if you do, it doesn't matter because living in a bad marriage is just as harmful to them as it is to you.

good luck,
Val

Answer 2

Depends...

How long have you been married? Do you have any kids? Have things always been this way in your marriage? Have you tried talking to her about it?

Sometimes people withdraw from a relationship when they are no longer interested enough to invest anything more into it. Could it be that she wants a divorce but doesn't know how to tell you? Have you guys been having marital issues prior to this?

Marriage is not an easy thing; it takes two to make it and it takes two to break it. Doesn't sound like she's doing much to help make it. Question is, what are you willing to do to make it work? Have you tried everything?

Divorce is not a quickie solution...it's a last resort when all else has failed. Has all else failed? Are you at the end of your rope?

If you are, I would suggest calling a marriage counselor or even a lawyer and asking some questions about your options.

Answer 3

I say if she is not putting forth any effort to make it work knowing how you feel and you have exhausted all other avenues (counseling etc.) then you should divorce. I'm just getting out of the same situation and even though the marriage had more bad times than good we are really good friends now. Not saying you will have the same results but life is too short to be miserable and lonely inside of an institution that's suppose to be about togetherness.

Good luck :)

Answer 4

I'm sorry, but I believe that's a question that only you and/or she can answer.

Has she said that she's not interested in putting forth any effort to make it work? Or is that just what you're perceiving? If it's only your perception (however valid), maybe you should try getting a 3rd party involved to help you 2 communicate your needs/wants with each other to better determine if your goals are too separate to make 'sticking it out' work.

It's sad that she does nothing at home and even more sad that she does nothing for you. But, people can change. Only she's got to want to. I'd hope you'd give her that chance, but if she's unwilling, it may be best for you do to what you need to do for yourself and if that means divorcing, so be it.

Good luck to you!

Answer 5

It takes 2 people to make it work.

Look at what you are doing and see if you, yourself, can improve. Take the steps you need. Maybe she will be encouraged to see you out there doing things you have always wanted to try.

Encourage her to get counseling (maybe its depression?). Talk to her. Therapy can help but living life and in the now as is if its your last day is really is the best option, I have found.

Divorce is a hard thing to go through. Its not worth unless the marraige is truly over. I tried for 5 years to fix my marriage before I walked away, knowing he wouldnt change (drugs and violence).


Paradox

Answer 6

It is an empty marriage. She obviously does not care about anyone - except her most awesome self. She's no wife and obviously displays no loving/caring emotions for you. This isn't anyone worth staying with. And I doubt she'll change. I'd pursue a divorce so you at least have a chance at the love and happiness that you deserve. :)

Answer 7

Marriage is a two way street, but it's not normally split evenly 50-50 sometimes it's 60/40 70/30.. but you have to put the other persons needs in front of yours. have you had a day where it is all about her , it's hard to continue to be selfish when you are shown kindness. If she doesn't respond to your efforts of kindness seek professional help. please make sure the third party is neutral and ask for references...

Answer 8

My ex-husband was the same way. Wanted me to do all the work while he played all day... he did what he wanted to do when he wanted to do it with no regard as to how it would affect me or our marriage. Thank God we didn't have kids... Unfortunately, I still love him to this day but I DO NOT regret getting a divorce from him. I'm so much happier now... Good Luck!!!!!

Answer 9

I don't understand what you want her to do. "She does nothing at home" means what, housework? So what if she's not into keeping things clean? It's not like you have to do her laundry or cook for her, you know. And I have no idea what "she does nothing for me" means. Do you mean she won't have sex with you, or won't bring you a beer, or won't talk to you, or what? No, I don't think you should divorce someone for an amorphous nothingness. Just love her as a person and enjoy your life together. She sounds wonderfully laid-back to me!

Answer 10

Dude, life is way to short. My ex divorced me shortly after we married. She wanted certain things (money, attentions, etc...) she got those and bolted. I tried to make things work, she refused. Guess what? Her leaving was hard but since then, my career has grown beyond my dreams, my outlook on life alot more mature and brighter and found a woman that loves me so much (and I her) for who I am truly.

Again, life is short. Protect yourself, take whats your's and kick her to the curb.