Ok i married at the age of 17 and my husband was 19. i was his first. at the age of 20 he cheated on me.?

Question

with two girls, at different times. One was sexual the other was kissing and etc... it took me three years to get over it. i kind of expected it though because i was his first and he was so young. Now we were planning on having a ceremony because we never had one and i find out he cheated again with one woman but 3 times. He did brake it off with her but he kept communication "as friends" because she was threating to tell me. He says the reason he cheated is because he thought i was cheating because i would tell him lies like someone could be in your bed when you are not here and i made up a story how i did cheat. It was not true, the reason i did it, is because i found him on myspace talking to girls and telling them sexual things he shouldn't have been saying. Well, he says he wants to be with me but i have filed for a divorce. we still live together, but i can't get over the fact that it's been five times total and that he cared about her. His attitude is starting to change,

and we go to counseling, but do you think this marriage is worth fighting for. We have 3 beautiful boys all under the age of 5. I love him to death and he loves me, but i just can't get over what he has done. But he did think i was cheating on him from the lies i told of how i did cheat, but only because of my hurt of his previous affairs and how he was talking to girls. I don't trust him at all and he doesn't trust me, but we get along great as friends and he wants me still. How would you handle thissituation

Answer 1

You both were very young when you got married and neither one of you really got a chance to experience life... so if you to are getting along good as friends... keep it that way... let some time pass to mind your broken heart.. but you need to let him know that you really didn't cheat on him and tell him the reason why you said that you did... Remember being friends is important for the sake of your children and if you two really love each other, then time will tell and your heart will draw you to back together.

Answer 2

Absolutely 100%- you keep your nest togather- your kids need the both of you.
You were wrong 100% to tell lies to him. Never ever lie in marriage. You created an additional distrust that you did not need.
Marriage is a decision you make... and in all honesty love is a decision you make. There are many people in the world to love. When you weigh the pros and cons of your marriage, with the kids it should be a decsion to love.
My finest suggestion to you is that you run, dont walk, to the bookstore and get the paperback book by Dr. Laura Slesinger called 'The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands', which was on the New York Times Best Sellers List.
You will never ever regret this inexpensive easy read book that will help you and your hubby... and keep the most significant part of your childrens lives in their home: a mommy and a daddy.
Get over it as you have made mistakes. Read the book and I 100% know it will help you. Maybe also get involved in church for the two of you as a church has Sunday day care usually, and to listen to good pastor advice week after week will maybe help you both bond tighter together as a couple (or counceling with apastor as they do this all of the time and h. Both of you can be forgiven for your wrongs. Make it work, you can get over it, and so can he. Move forward and this will be a part of your marriage that makes you both strong. You are both so very young and 30 years from now, kids grown and off to their own lives, you will lok back and say what a wonderful job we did. Kiss and make up... and no more.

Answer 3

I'm 18 and I got married 6 months ago to a 19 year old. We're happy and neither of us have cheated but I don't know what I'd do if she cheated on me. You must be going through a lot since you have a family and you still want to be with him. I guess it's simply a matter of how much more you can take. No one can stay married to someone who cheats on them, the hurt is too great. The only way it can work is if he totally changes his attitude and you can forgive him for what he has done. The problem is he might not ever change. If he realizes how much he hurt you and he cares enough about your relationship then he might. However, You should know that if he doesn't change, it doesn't mean he doesn't love you, but it probably means he's not mature enough to handle your relationship. He's not responsible enough to know his family is a bigger priority than his sexual desires. Guys get a rush when they’re with other girls. It's a natural instinct to want to cheat, but those who resist the temptation are the one's who realize the damage it does and think about others before themselves. From the looks of it, your husband seems pretty hopeless. Anyone can change but it doesn't look like he really wants to since his cheating has continued in this way. This problem has to be solved by both parties and your job is only to forgive. He has the hard part but he’s the only one who can make himself stop cheating. If you do your best and he doesn’t contribute then he leaves you no choice but to proceed with the divorce.

Answer 4

He's going to keep cheating and making up more excuses! He does it because you're letting him get away with it so he figures you're not going anywhere. If you two really want to make it work, a lot of counseling and COMMUNICATION is in order! TALK to each other!!! AND get OFF MYSPACE!!! I can't tell you how many of my guy and girl friends have had problems because of this site. Just close your profiles until you guys get better. In the meantime no more MYSPACE for now!!! Start over. Good luck!

Answer 5

You both sound immature. I feel sorry neither of you were responsible enough to use birth control until you were sure you had the maturity to sustain a relationship that would nurture children. What a mess! Perhaps counseling and about 10 years of maturity might give you a shot at becoming responsible adults and parents. Meanwhile, what do those poor children do while they wait for you guys to grow up? Mature people don't lie, cheat, or try to make each other jealous. Mature people have enough self-esteem that they don't need to seek attention from outside their marriage. Get counseling. Get an education. You need all the help you can get. Please make sure your children receive the kind of parenting they deserve. Seek help.

Answer 6

You answered your own question when you said 'I don't trust him and he doesn't trust me' - what is a marriage without trust? You need trust for a healthy relationship and a good marriage. It might be difficult to leave and start over since you have a huge history and 3 boys, but it's the best thing for both of you. I guarantee he will cheat again if you stay with him, since he knows he can get away with it, because you will stay with him. It will be hard, but that's what you need to do. You deserve better.

Answer 7

if u both love each other there is no reason to end the marriage, u and him just need to learn to trust each other again. divorce is forever, and as much as we believe because of our ego's and pride that we want to divorce, when it is a reality and it happens we really don't want it. your both immature, maybe u married too young. but anything broken can be fixed, even betrayal i believe. if both parties want it bad enough. he needs to get rid of all these girls he is seeing or communicating with and stop doing it. probably just an ego thing with him. stop playing games and grow up, the both of u. u need to really try and work on the marriage for the sake of the children. ask him where his heart is, tell him u want a marriage but that u will not share him with others. tell him u are willing to forgive this one last time but that if it happens again u will have to end the marriage. and if he does it again u have to be strong enough to leave it.

Answer 8

He has cheated more then once I have a feeling he will keep doing it because he can and he keeps getting away with it. ( it's like a dog that shits on the carpet and never gets punished ... he keeps doing it)
What you need to decide is if you can move on after he gains your trust back which is going to be a lot of work on his part and take a lot of time. You need to be honest with yourself..... is this something you can get past if he really shows you that he won't do it again?
I will tell you from my experience it is very hard to forgive that kind of hurt.
If he is not willing to change and show change then I would say move on.
Good luck.

Answer 9

Ok my parents went through the same thing although in the end that is not why they got divorced but it happend to them too. We don't know how many times my dad did cheat on my mom but one time he cheated and got a kid out of it. If hes cheated once thats to much. He should have never cheated. I can see that you could forgive him for the kissing time but all the other times is not right. He's basically getting his way gets to keep you while doing "IT" with these other women. I think that the divorce is the right thing to do. He's not ready to fully commit himslef to you. A husband is someone who is faithful and devoted to you. I think your doing the right thing.

Answer 10

You married way too young...but what's done is done. Now you have created 3 little ones who depend on both of you....Rather than seeing divorce as the quick way out of difficult situation or as a method of 'punishment' [yes, revenge motivates a lot of people] continue with counseling ...stick with it...WORK on your marriage; set limits; talk WITH AND NOT AT each other....mark time each week just to be with each other regardless of how hard that may be...share together - and vow to honor your vows...and STOP THE LIES