Should i stay with my husband of more than 10 yrs if he has been hitting me ever since he found out i cheated?

Question

I understand i have made a stupid mistake, but i do still love him and we have a family together. I dont know the reason i had the affair...maybe i wanted to revenge for his affair he had years ago, but i wasnt planning to...maybe it was just attention i was seeking... I really want to start over with him. At first, he told me he would try to forgive me but not forget, but he has been hitting me whenever he's angry. He had never laid a hand on me before this. I really dont know what to do. I thought he would stop soon, but it doesnt seen like it and i really cant take it anymore. I want to make up my mistake, but is this the way to make it up??? Can anyone give me any advise, i have no one to turn to...Thank you!!!

Answer 1

OK, ok....affairs aside. Cheating aside...and all of that. NOBODY IN ANY RELATIONSHIP HAS THE RIGHT TO PHYSICAL ABUSE THE OTHER FOR ANY REASON. And abuse takes many forms. Physical, mental and ferbal. Ok, you had an affair...and so did he. But there is a reason behind every action we make. We may not realize it, but the reason is there. THERE IS NO RATIONAL REASON TO HIT SOMEONE. My advice...GET OUT. GOTO A RELITIVE. A FRIEND AND TAKE YOUR KIDS. CALL AN ABUSE HOTLINE. AND MAKE SURE HE ISNT HITTING YOUR KIDS...BUT EVEN IF HE ISNT, THE MENTAL TOOL ON THEM WILL LAST A LIFETIME. YOU NEVER TURN INTO SOMEONE THAT RESORTS TO VIOLENCE...IT IS EITHER IN YOU OR ITS NOT.

Answer 2

Whether you cheated or not, there is NO reason for physical abuse. Once it starts, it will continue and probably even get worse. I'd have an equalizer ready for the next time he decides to be a bully. Any man that hits a woman has strong issues with security if that makes them feel like a man. What happened is in the past and if you both have decided to work things out, his abuse is no way to show it. Either you put it behind you and move on or you continue to let him beat on you because you feel your affair warrants the abuse. He hasn't forgiven you or forgotten it. Sometimes there is no recover from an affair, especially if it has invited violence. You don't deserve the abuse so don't let your guilt cause you to accept less than what you deserve in life. Your safety and security has now been breeched by him.

Answer 3

Sometimes too much damage is done in a relationship/marriage, and there are so many angry and bitter feelings - that it just can't be restored. No matter what has happened, hitting isn't making it better, it is now making things worse. You want to make up your mistake, but he isn't letting you. I'd say you go together to get some serious joint counseling (as long as you both want to save the marriage). Or, end it. But don't keep living like this.

Answer 4

There is ABSOLUTELY no excuse for hitting you. Physical abuse is physical abuse, period. There is no "excuse" for it.

Only you can decide whether or not to stay, but definitely get into some marriage counseling for this, both of you if you are going to stay, or just you if not...being physically abused greatly effects your mental & emotional self as well as your physical self, so try and seek some help from a therapist or counselor if you can.

Tell him to stop hitting you immediately. Tell him this is not acceptable behavior. You don't forgive someone with your fists, and you don't earn forgiveness by being a punching bag.

Answer 5

Wow, i am in the opposite position of you. my husband cheated and i hit him, but only for the first couple of weeks. and it wasn't every day. But i do regret it, i understand his side and yours, but no matter what he is wrong for hitting you just as i was no matter what my husband or you did. No one deserves to be hit on. It's really hard to say because again i understand both sides, but i'd say seperate if you both are willing to give him time to think about the situation and if he can really handle being with you. and it'll also give you time to think about what you have done and how you plan to make it up. It's going to be a long hard journey if you stay together but it's worth it if you all truley love each other. and remember keep God first in everything that you do.

Answer 6

No you shouldn't stay with him.I think you need to separate for now.I'm not saying that you should get a divorce, but he obviously hasn't completely accepted the affair that you had and he needs to talk to someone and get this resolved. And if he won't go to counseling explain to him how this is hurting you and that you want to work things out. It is going to take time, but if you love him and he loves you too you will work things out after a while. Good Luck, Love to you both and best wishes for the future!:)

Answer 7

RUN!!, take the kids and run! There is NO reason for physical abuse. None what so ever! Its a proven fact that if someone is getting physical, it'll just get worse. Further to that, what are you teaching the kids? That being abused is ok? For yours and the kids sake, leave. Now. If you need to, you call the police as well. Good Luck.

Answer 8

Run for the door because it will surely get worst. Especially since he knows you know he's cross that threshold and got away with it. Then to make matters worth he hit he, what happens the next time you catch him. Scary thought huh. He is a certified grade A loser not to mention a certified wimp. Any guy that hits a woman is a wimp in my book. good luck.

Answer 9

Call the police and file a report. Have the police take you to a safe house. They will help you start over.
No matter what your husband says, he will continue to abuse you unless he is forced to change---hence the police and the justice system.
Get out now!

Answer 10

Both of you need counseling. There are free sessions. Check your local health office for info. What you and he both did are wrong. But things can be fixed if you really love each other.