My husband yells at me even when I try to be nice to him giving him a hand. He even uses rude words and bangs things. It frightens me every time. Why ?
2007-03-01 06:31:12 · 38 answers · asked by Miss Bo 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The short answer is your husband is a verbal abuser. His behavior is unacceptable and you should not tolerate it.
You really need to take the time to understand the dynamics of the buser/victim. You may feel that because your husband doesn't physically harm you, he isn't abusive; you may also feel that since there are times your husband is nice to you, he is not an abuser. Neither of those views is correct.
By frightening and intimidating you, your husband is engaging in abuse. Verbal and emotional abuse, which can be as devastating in some ways as physical abuse.
Also, it is necessary to recognize that abusers don't behave abusively 100% of the time, because if they did, their victims would have no trouble recognizing the relationship as abusive and would leave. Typically abusers engage in a pattern of behavior where abuse is interspersed among "honeymoon" periods where the abuser may behave lovingly and even seem remorseful for previous abusive behavior. For a time the relationship will go well, but eventually the abuser will start engaging in the abusive behaviors again.
This is a website that I found very useful in helping me to understand the dynamics of a verbally and emotionally abusive relationship:
http://www.drirene.com/
The abuser:
http://www.drirene.com/abuserpages.htm
The victim:
http://www.drirene.com/victimpages.htm
Please take a look at these and learn what you can about abusive relationships. You need to understand that the behavior you are describing of your husband is not acceptable and you should not tolerate it.
Good luck.
2007-03-01 06:42:33 · answer #1 · answered by Karin C 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is trying to intimidate and frighten you. He may have an anger control problem or he may be like my daughter's ex. It started soon after the wedding. He was, and still is, a very controlling person. It started with yelling at her, mostly in private, then eventually in public. Soon after the yelling, he started throwing things, not necessarily at her. Then came the finger poking, pushing her up against walls or down onto the couch or bed. After that came the hitting and kicking. The day she finally left he had gotten her down on the floor and was choking her. If any of this sounds familiar to you or you see it developing into a pattern like this, PLEASE, get out! Our daughter was lucky to get out with her life, some aren't so lucky. In the mean time see if you can get him to go for some counseling maybe you can prevent it from ever getting this far. Good luck.
2007-03-01 06:49:06 · answer #2 · answered by GPHS 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's your husband? Wow......talk to him honey communication is the key. Sit him down and tell him how you feel. Tell him you can hear and doesn't need to raise his voice. He may not realize....ask him to control his language and if its necessary to bang stuff. Just talk that is the best thing you can do. If he starts doing it let him know then and there. Why are you yelling? he could have a short fuse, hes irritated whatever it maybe but make sure he is aware that it makes you feel uncomfortable. Hopefully he will understand and work on that.
2007-03-01 06:37:31 · answer #3 · answered by ilisalec 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That is a sign of an abusive man sweetie! Get out! I am sorry there is no reason for you to go through this especially since it frightens you and I don't know if you have told him you don't appreciate his tone, Iam thinking you have, so I would leave. Because soon enough he won't be banging things it will be you.
2007-03-01 06:38:14 · answer #4 · answered by Erika L 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Read most of the answers that are given sound like they are ready to hang him. But what I hear in your question is you love him and need to understand. Coming from a man's point, he may feel that he is not being heard. He could also have some stress from work or outside the marriage. In saying this I am not saying he has right or that he should take it out on. But I would say do your best to take away all stress one night and talk to him and ask.
2007-03-01 06:47:01 · answer #5 · answered by fd369a 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
ask him to stop it and talk about how he can...you're gonnaget great advicelike leave him now honey and all sorts of crap..he has a problem ..healready knowsit but isn't fully aware of it ..send him to abuser type websites and his eyes will start to tear up cuz he'll know how much he's hurt you ..my un professional tip is this...when he gets outta line acting like he doesn't want to or can't seem to get a handle on ...both of you agree on what should be done by you..to him//whatever you aree to////slap him...kiss him squeeze his hand ..kick him underthe table and say hurts don't it ..it'sjust a behavior like apuppy it takes time andpatience totrain himcorrectly ...he needs it hewants it and youneedtohelp himifyou carefor him...#2 stop being the vicim and get seriousif he agreeshe's got a problem...which he will...everyone will tell you to dump him and be free hey you got problems too///and dumpa puppy how heartless are these people
2007-03-01 11:16:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think she the two has emotional problems because of the fact she feels she has no administration over her existence or she is stunning out because of the fact she feels so undesirable approximately herself. do not bypass on the attack. stay impartial. do not take facets. Your husband is a super boy and might have extra perception to what her problems stem from. She might experience he abandoned her for a kin of his own. it fairly is going to likely be very perplexing, yet tutor your self as a steadfast, calm, and controlled individual. she would be in a position to sometime appreciate you for booking your judgment. stay benign!
2016-10-17 00:55:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like there are two things in play here. One is a serious anger management issue on his part. The other is his perception that when you offer to assist him you see him as weak or unable to accomplish the task himself. If you can't convince him that counseling is in order, you might have to ask yourself why you are still in the situation. If you are in danger in any way, you need not to be there.
Good Luck
2007-03-01 06:38:48 · answer #8 · answered by Ice 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Its quite possible that he just simply dosent want your help, and you arent taking the hint.. Some guys just prefer to do things on thier own.. and at times doing that is a way to get away from the spouse as well... (this would be my guess if its the only time its happening)
Perhaps just quit trying to be so helpful? And just leave him alone in those instances?
ADDENDUM: If you try that and it still continues (hey people in general just want to be left the frack alone sometimes Eh?) then you have a bigger problem.. but you didnt mention a bigger problem you just mentioned this one..
I know chicks dont wanna hear this but believe me there are times when us guys just wanna be left the frack alone and have some time to get away from you before we have to strangle you LOL
2007-03-01 06:39:59 · answer #9 · answered by darchangel_3 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
he's got insecurity problems and no respect for you at all. Go to counseling now or get out.. you should not live in fear of a man. and he shouldnt feel like he has to intimidate you. You can start by being accertive and talk to him.. go from there, tell him your not tolerating it anymore that he should scare you and treat you the way he does
2007-03-01 06:36:22 · answer #10 · answered by Pamela Y 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋