How do I deal with my husband's credit card debt?

Question

My husband and I have been married for almost 5 years. Going into the marriage, I knew he had credit card debt, but we struggled through it for the first few years of our marriage, and he eventually told me that it was all taken care of. Since I only had his word to go by, I wanted to see it for my own eyes, and I looked at one of his statements when he wasn't around (wrong, I know, but I'm glad that I did). Turns out that not only was it not "taken care of", but he was still more than $6,000 in debt! I know it could be a lot worse, but when you're going along thinking that you're finally out of the red and then you find out that you're not even close, it's heartbreaking. He lied to me because he was embarrassed and ashamed, and he won't talk to me about it when I bring it up. It always ends up turning into a fight, so I don't ever know where he stands with getting out of this debt. I feel so in the dark and I can't trust him anymore. Does anyone have any advice?

Answer 1

First, if he isn't going to show you the bills you in are in your right to "look". He has a large debt but is his credit rating bad??
Find out from legal aid how this effects YOUR credit rating.
Children? If not u have an option to leave (not necessarily the answer).
It is legit that he IS embarrassed. I wld be too. It is one thing if he is honestly trying to lower the debt but not if he is uncontrollably racking up more debt.

Note... I cut my cards up in 1997. I hv ONE with a $500 maximum just to book hotel rooms, etc... but I don't use it to pay.

Trust issues aside, you two need to see a financial councillor. YOU can read any of Suze Orman's books OR look Suze Orman on Internet... lots of great info!!!
You deserve the best!

Answer 2

Don't divorce him yet. First, if he's not communicating, ask him to talk with a minister or counselor so the two of you can start some marriage counseling. Second, reassure him that this can be fixed. Debt can be wiped out. Next sign up for Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. I promise it will change your life and your marriage. Then destroy all the credit cards. Don't worry about the credit card company trying to use scare tactics to make you keep the account. Close them.

Now, let's figure out what he is in debt over. That might need to be something that we discuss at marriage counseling. Did he just enjoy himself too much before marriage or is he hiding stuff that he's done since you've been married. Point blank, any strippers, prostitutes or drugs on that card? If so, that is a whole other set of issues.

Answer 3

Even though it is a credit card in your deceased husbands' name only, the company can, and will legally try to collect said debt. It has to do with the estate assets. You have assets, so they have every right to harass you for payment. However, they CANNOT take your house, they CANNOT take your car/s, they CANNOT garnish your wages. Don't believe what they tell you!! There is a limit to what they can do, but they will push it to the furthest extent. It is "scare tactics" to make you pay for something that you may not actually owe. 4 days is an unreasonable amount of time for you resolve this situation. There are a lot of free legal sources that you can contact for help with this. No matter what happens, and I have to stress this point, DO NOT use any Debt Relief/Solution Agency for help. It will only cause you more heartache of which you do not need. Been there, done that.

Answer 4

OK, 1st thing w have to establish here is that you & your husband are MARRIED. Legally that constitutes a partnership.
So I take issue with your belief that you were wrong in looking at your credit card statements. Those statements are yours too.If you & your husband share in the responsibility of the debt that he likes to keep hidden from you, then he has no right to do that. So your 1st hurdle is to change the way you look at the situation.

By leaving everything up to him, you have left yourself POWERLESS. He is out of control financially, so you have to take your power back if you don't want to go down with his sinking ship.

I don't blame you if you don't trust him, & I would even venture to say that HE doesn't blame you either (intellectually), but don't expect him to act like he is contrite. He will probably try to get you to leave him to his own devices while he stays under the delusion that he will soon manage to get things back in order.

After 5 years, I doubt that will ever become a reality unless, & until someone takes charge & starts acting responsibly with the FAMILY finances.

I personally don't carry a balance on any of my credit card statements. I consider credit card debt to be a form of volunteering to be robbed of your hard earned money.

I suggest that you: 1) Take all credit cards away from this man, (cut them up) & put him on a cash allowance.
2) Go to your Bank & take out a 2nd mortgage on your home, or a personal loan that will have a better interest rate than the credit cards companies give you, & pay off the bablance on the credit card statements.
3) Get a credit report for both your husband, & YOU because I'll bet you may still not know the whole story.

If he doesn't agree to all of this, & any other wise financial choices that you make, then I would call that a deal breaker.
He has no right to put his family into debt. Even if it turns out that he is the sole beadwinner in the family. He has to manage the finances in a responsible manner. Part of that responsibility is keeping his PARTNER (wife) fully in the loop.

If he wants to fight you on this then you are going to have to start to make some choices for YOURSELF. After all. isn't that what he has been doing so far? Obviously you don't find this situation to be acceptable, so put your foot down, & make sure that he hears what you are saying.

I wish you all of the best with this. I certainly hope your husband smartens up & realises that so far what he has been doing isn't working.

Answer 5

One thing that you have to remember now that your are married that it's both of your debt.Because if he won 5 million dollar you both would be millionaires.This is that worse that the pastor was talking about when you took your vowels.Fighting is the worse thing that you guys could be doing .Understand he is a man which means he feel like he should be taking care of things such as money.And he feels like right now he is not doing his job as far as providing financially his family ,and he feels bad and by you guys arguing it makes matter worse.He shouldn't have lied but i bet you two didn't argue as much!His pride is strong and he figured that if he told you that everything was taken care of he could find a way to get the debt under control.Cut him some slack and inside of jumping down his back help him come up with a solution.This can affect you life and bring your marriage to an end if you don't get this under control.Take it one day at a time and BUDGET BUDGET BUDGET!good luckYou should get the Dr.Phil book about debt and budgeting money.

Answer 6

Okay so here is how I see it.

First you are talking about something that he already know he screwed up on and it most likely comes out sounding accusing. Would you want him to waive your failure in your face and ask how your going to fix it.

You have to listen and sit him down with love and ask what you can do to help.

There are courses on debt management, go to one together. Marrige is a partnership so here is what I suggest.

1) Stop using Credit Cards or other credit.

2) Write down and list all your debts (be complete) Write down the rate of each

3) Then make your payments on time.

4) Pay a little extra on your highest rate loan or Credit Card, or your smallest credit. You may have to cut back your daily pop or bring your coffee, or lunch from home. Pay that little extra until that is paid off. Then take that whole payment extra and all and pay it on the next loan. and Continue the process until all credit cards and loans are paid off and closed. It is the same thing Consumer Credit Counseling will do. It's called a roll up method. Rolling each payment in to the next until paid off.

5) Make a budget you can live on what you make and stick to it.

This does take discipline, but that little work and effort will not only save your credit but make it better, and save you money in the long run.

Answer 7

Modern world, many people always live in credit. We bought things using instalments, we have overdraft in our credit cards, we take up several loan such as renovation loan, housing loan and etc. This is seem to be norm.
I believe you are from an Asian country. Men are more conservative there, they tend to keep their financial problem form their partner, and using women money is a definitely not.
Have a good talk with him, shown that you are concerned, advice him to cancel all his credit cards and arrange instalment with all Banks. If he don't cancel his cards and keep charging to the card and paying the minimum amount, the problem will not be solved.

Answer 8

$6000 isn't a large debt. He may have considered it minimal and not felt that he was lying to you.

We owe another $125,000 on our home and about $40,000 on our home equity line of credit. We don't run up credit card debt so our payments are relatively low.

If you are concerned and want it in the open, ask to see a copy of all of your bills every month so you can make a spreadsheet to track how much money is being spent on recurring costs (like cable TV and other utilities) and finance charges.

If he refuses or hides some of them, then you've got a reason to not trust him.

Answer 9

Get a handle on it fast. Those things will eat your lunch in interest. Here's what I did...... I stopped using the credit card. I divided the total by the amount I could pay each month(to the high side) That gave me how many months I'd have to make that payment. I paid that every month, then if I used it I added what I used to the amount I had figured to pay each month. $500 a month for a yr will pay it off, not including interest or other uses. Cut back on all other extra spending for a yr and pay it off.

Answer 10

You both need to work on this together. Perhaps some credit counseling to help you both see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Perhaps another job could be a helpful solution. In addition to better financial management. It wont be easy. But will definitely be rewarding. But BOTH must participate to achieve any success. Good Luck!