Should I feel guilty?

Question

I haven't talked to one of my friends for about a month.
She's been through so much--she was raped by her dad, put into a foster home, put into a psyche ward, had anorexia, cut herself, tried killing herself multiple times...
Just the other night, my friend called me, telling me she tried overdosing on pills, AGAIN. but it didn't work.
I'm really sad... But yet frusturated at the same time with how many times she has done this... it feels like she just wants attention.
Yet, I'm scared, because maybe sometime she will wake up dead...
And I feel guilty. I'm just a mix of emotions.
And, what should I do? .... Thanks...

Answer 1

this is a hard one, but i have actually dealt with this same situation. First of all you are right she is screaming for attention, not that she doesnt deserve it after what shes been through. But beleive me if you want to kill yourself, you will be dead. she is going to "attempt" and suceed if she doesnt stop. ( and i dont think she really wants to die or she wouldn't have "tried" so many times, without suceeding.) I'm not saying take the situation lightly, because there is nothing light about it. this is what i told my friend who was doing the same thing. im not saying you have to do the same as i did, but its the best advice i can offer. i told my friend how much i loved her, and how much i was glad she was alive. I also told her that i could not take the stresss of what she was doing to herself. that she wasnt just effecting her own life, but everyone around her with her actions. i told her that i would talk to her anytime she needed to talk about her feelings, and that she would always be my friend, but i would not listen to her talk about her killing herself, and that i was going to have to stay away from her until she stopped hurting herself, because i loved her and could not handle seeing her hurt herself. remeber i still let her know i was not abandoning her, but distancing my self from the situation. its not fair to you to have to be stressed all the time. your not being sellfish, your being human. tell her you will go to counceling with her, or anything she feels she needs to do to help herself, but you will NOT be around her if she continues to do this to herself. she really needs professional help. thats what i did. i hope you got something out of it. its a very touchy and scary situation, but remeber honey..I'ts NOT your situation. ok.

Answer 2

If you are a praying person that is always the first step. God heals all things, or takes them away. But it sounds like your friend needs professional intervention, and that is neither your fault or a reason for guilt. You as a friend are only able to do so much. I think sometimes honesty is the best medicine for attention getters. I mean really tell her how you feel good and bad. If it does nothing for her it will allow you to release some of the things you have tucked away inside.

Answer 3

Well a person like that needs alot of help and you can only give a person so much attention soo if you think your friends problem is to much to handle you should not feel gulity...anyone would have mixed emotions but if you know theres nothing you can do to help her then maybe you should just let her go...because everything you say has happened to her some people never recover from things like that...She may be one of those people

Answer 4

I've known a person who has killed himself. He was very dear to me. But, I had no idea he felt that way. Actually, no one did. As intimate as we were he never once told me anything. He started giving things away after his car accident, but I thought it was because he didn't need them anymore. Your friend, in my opinion, sounds like a different problem. Leave it in the hands of an adult. If you really believe the things she has told you, then ask yourself this: When she attempted these things, were you there? Was anyone there? Most hospitals do not let minors go after a suicide attempt.
Most of all, a friendship in its true form is a two-way street - you give and you get. This relationship seems parasitic at best.

Answer 5

You need to support your friend in getting help. But honest with her about how this makes you feel and that it is hard for you to be there for her when she is being unreasonalbe. Yes she has been through a lot and her life will never be easy but she needs to get help and let the past go and that will take time. Try to be there for her and if it is too emotinally hard for you then direct her to someone that can take it

Answer 6

wow you have alot to deal with. alot on your shoulder. I would say that maybe you need to have a sit down with your friend, or try to talk to her and tell her all the good things about her in life that she has to offer, and talk to her a little bit about how you are feeling by her actions, and about how u understand that she is going through alot right now, but that you care about her, and as a real friend she is putting you through alot of sadness. Then maybe ask her is that what she wants to do? then tell her that what would make you happier than anything is to see her happy. So then maybe get in her head and ask her what types of things make her happy, and only focus on positive things. then if she gives you any negative things, you turn it around. tell her what my dad tells me,that when life gives you lemons, to learn to make lemonade. what do you think?

Answer 7

You are amazing. Your "friend" has gone through horrific experiences and yet you make it all about you. You are not a friend and you are just giving lip service to that word.

The worse thing to do would be to tell her you will be there for her and then not do it. You are incredibly self centered and given that, I would suggest you leave your "friend" alone. She will be much better without you, she has enough to deal with, assuaging your guilt isnt something she should have to do.

Answer 8

Guilt is a feeling that we have to let us know that we are not doing things the right way. You know you need to handle this situation differently, even if it is to tell this girl that you just can't handle all her baggage right now and you wish her the best. At least you are straight foreward with her and she will know that she can not count on you and she can call out to someone else.

Answer 9

how do you know that she is doing this to get attention and doesn't really need help?? getting raped is awful and wrong but getting raped by your dad .... someone that you trust and love ... there is no words that can explain .... she is doing this to herself because she doesn't know how to express what she is feeling.... this is not something that she can get over in a week .... this takes years if that..... she needs friends and familiar faces..... don't be selfish ..be there for her, it is never too late to start talking to her again and try helping her.

Answer 10

You are a very fine, sensitive person. But you need to think of yourself first here.
She is bringing you down, and that's not right.
Please try to cultivate new friends who have better self images.
Good luck.