I was married 4 years ago in an arranged marriage. And we always agreed that we would divorce as soon as we moved away from our family's and got our college degrees. Now that has happened, but we have feelings for one another, how can i tell if i love this man or if it is just i am so used to having him around. He is a great kind caring man and says he has grown to love me. I just do not want to jerk him around.
And please spare me the comments on how weird arranged marriages are in this day and age. And no i am not some right wing religious weirdo.
2007-03-01 04:45:48 · 11 answers · asked by Ann G 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Arranged marriages succeed for that very reason. After being together for a while, love develops where there was none, and suddenly things seem alright.
You are probably experiencing a mix of both. Love developed because he was around all the time. You've been married for 4 years (congrats), longer than a lot of couples last. If you are happy, I don't see why you should spoil a good thing.
If you want to tell if you love him, imagine how your life will go after the divorce. Will you be as happy brushing your teeth alone? Will dinner be so enjoyable when you are only cooking for one? Will that sunset be as pretty when you're not sharing it? Think about the things that you enjoy now (and dislike now) and how the lack of those things will affect you after the divorce.
If you find the thoughts of life without him unbearable, then, yes, you are in love with him.
I think arranged marriages are beautiful, wonderful things. I think the divorce rate today would be a lot less if arranged marriages were still practiced. And no, I'm not a right-wing religious weirdo, either. I'm just smart! (I mean, people clearly don't have the intelligence to choose decent spouses for themselves, or they wouldn't have to pick 5 of them in a lifetime.)
2007-03-01 04:55:17 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As the saying goes "If it ain't broke don't fix it."
Do you and he feel the same way after 4 years? Minds certainly can change in that amount of time. If it doesn't feel right to go through with the divorce, then don't go through with it, especially if the only motivating factor for any divorce at this point is to make a statement to the family members who arranged this marriage in the first place.
2007-03-01 13:04:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you have a great thing going. I personally do not believe in this love at first sight thing and that love is something that grows over time. I think we could fall in love with anyone as long as you let love grow. This is why so many arranged marriages do work. I have many Chinese friends in this situation and they are very happily in love now. Good Luck Too You.
2007-03-01 12:52:40 · answer #3 · answered by tbear 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
That is such a horrible situation! I am so sorry that you are going through this right now! Do you know if he feels the same way about you? I know that the feelings of security is so wonderful, sometimes it can be mistaken for love, but you need to decide, and decide quick! The best thing you can do is seperate for at least a week, if not more. Make sure you will both be financially able to do this. If you feel yourself longing for him to kiss you and hold you at night, then you know you have real feelings for him. If you feel yourself wanting him to be with you because you are bored, then you know its just security.
2007-03-01 12:56:21 · answer #4 · answered by Angelina 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you are questioning your love for him, you don't love him. If he agreed to get divorced but now loves you, he should still agree to the divorce.
If you want him to know your feelings, show him your question.
2007-03-01 13:07:55 · answer #5 · answered by Martin Pedersen 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have many friends from India who have this same problem. You get to know him and find out he is the one you love. Maybe you are meant to be together.
Best of luck either way you decide.
2007-03-01 12:53:47 · answer #6 · answered by virginity buster 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
extremely tough matter. try searching into yahoo and bing. just that can assist!
2014-11-13 05:00:15 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think about it like this.....how would you feel to wake up every day and he not be there? would it be great wonderful...or what would you be upset lonely. can you imagine yourself without him. Think about things like that and this may help you to decide what to do.
Good luck
2007-03-01 13:03:47 · answer #8 · answered by mrs_endless 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say stick it out.
2007-03-01 13:01:37 · answer #9 · answered by Kari R 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't care either.
If you want to be "spared" of sensible advice, then go to the Yahoo Answers page in INDIA where people can relate to your situation.
Good luck
2007-03-01 12:57:11 · answer #10 · answered by Blunt 7 · 1⤊ 6⤋