In a Gay Couple, Why Does Each Partner Assume a Different Gender Role?

Question

I've noticed that in gay couples that are well publicized such as those involved Rosie O'Donnell, Ellen DeGeneres, Melissa Etheridge etc..., one partner (usually the celebrity) assumes the masculine role and dresses and acts in that fashion whereas the other partner would assume a feminine role and dresses and acts accordingly. Why is that so? If people preferred to be romantically involved with people of the same sex as they were, why did one partner in the relationship had to assume the role of the opposite gender?

That does not make any sense to me. I'm not against gay people but I just cannot figure it out.

When I visited Asia, I saw vegetarians there eat vegetable-based food that were made to look like meat or fish, complete with textures and cocoring affects. I ask them if they were committed vegetarians why couldn't they be happy with eating vegetables that look like vegetables. Why did they have to eat vegetable products that were made to look like meat or fish?

Answer 1

I don't think that is true of all gay couples, but I 've noticed it in many. However the " let's make our veggies look like meat" really blows me away. A veggie burger-give me a break, why not just a regular veggie sandwich.
As for the "gay" thing, I am gay and not fem. When some friend tells me, I would really like a particular person , because they are obviously gay, I get very annoyed. I explain that I'm "H omo"sexual, from the Greek ,h omo meaning "same" and since i'm a man I'm attracted to men not "female wannabes".
"Brokeback Mountain" was closer to the truth than say "The BirdCage". I guess I agree with you after all. I totally enjoy the friendship & company of females, but sexually no way. My female friends accept me for who I am and are far from "f ag-hags" or as I prefer to term them "fruit flys" . Good question.

Answer 2

All homosexual couples are different. Frankly, I don't know any homosexual couples that role play like that. Most of them appear to be very egalitarian although I am sure that some role reverse.. On the other hand, I know some heterosexual couples who are involved in a role reversal. The male in the relationship stays home, cooks and takes care of the kids. Couples are no longer sticking to their roles as prescribed by society. I think that is a good thing. Why should people hang onto to tradition when something else works far better for them?

Answer 3

Yeah some couples do that but there are a lot who dont. I have 3 gay friends. 2 are very masculine and enjoy dating other people who are masculine and 1 is feminine. Just because someone is gay doesnt mean theyre going to assume a "role" or date someone who assumes a "role". It's all about personal preference.

Answer 4

When the world's population gets a little out of hand, numbers wise...Nature produces more people that aren't inclined to breed...The increase in homosexual humans is a direct result of global overpopulation.

This has no bearing on the fact that two halves make a whole.

People couple up to complete a WHOLE. You're not gonna couple up with someone who is just like you. In a successful relationship, one partner exhibits traits and qualities that the other doesn't, and vice versa...and when the two get together, they create a much stronger entity than the two seperate halves would ever be on their own.

Answer 5

You open a good issue. It is because in any relationship there has to be a dominant partner and a submissive partner. One takes the lead and the other supports. Traditionally, the leader is the male and the supporter is the female. That is the natural order of things. The fact that gay couples follow that same pattern is proof of the way things are supposed to be and that their choice of lifestyle is not natural.
However, in defense of the other side, you will also see dominant women and dominant men getting married and soon falling apart because two dominants cannot coexist easily. Likewise, two submissives do not make a good match because they don't progress; nothing gets done. So even in straight couples, there needs to be a personality mix allowing one to lead and the other to support. Thus, in gay couples it is natural to expect that a connection would be made between a leader and a supporter. In that sense, they are quite natural.

Answer 6

This is a generalization and therefore a stereotype. You "can't figure it out" because it is not true for ALL couples. I am putting this as politely as I can.
My male partner and I are both very masculine, thanks. That's the beauty of same-gender relationships - no one HAS to assume any pre-defined role. They are often a lot more free, not to mention flexible and dynamic.

What does your vegetarian experience have to do with the rest of the question?

Answer 7

Its not always that way. And because its dominant does not make it masculine. Plenty of het. relationships are ruled by the woman!!!!

I guess we all play a role. A perfect relationship has a ying and yang. I'm the outgoing one, your the introspective one, I'm the fighter, you're the nurtureer. These roles do not have to be limited to gender.

I veggie meat thing; Its good for introducing the lifestyle to non vegs. Perhaps meats texture is more pleasing than natural soy or veggies? Idk about that one.

Answer 8

It's definitely psychological, no question. They won't admit it, but I can see how one's biology would have any influence in that. I understand your point and appreciate your boldness in asking such a valid and poignant question. But, Answers will soon be monitoring you for asking such a question. Lots and lots of people have been "zapped" for asking honest questions as your's or giving responses in kind.

Love the courage in your conviction!

Answer 9

I've noticed that too. They dont want to be hetero but they take on the traits of hetero couples. Great question. My answer, I have no idea....

Answer 10

I have often wondered the very same thing!