It really turns me off and makes me insecure he is going to leave me. Everything else about our marriage is great except when it comes to the bedroom. Do you think this means that he will eventually have an affair or do I have to give up and do sexual acts that I'm not comfortable with?
2007-03-01 04:31:37 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
OK, so he complains. Tell him anyone can point out problems, ask him for solutions.
Tell him you are tired of the complaints, if he doesn't offer any solutions, then his complaints are all but useless.
See about implementing the suggestions.
Give them an honest try and don't dismiss them. That's just a different type of complaint, generated by you without a solution or alternative.
For example, if he says he wants anal. Don't just dismiss it, but ask if you can ease into it. Perhaps start with a small vibrator to get you accustomed to the sensation, to see if you will even like it. You may not be able to do this.
That's just an example, I have no idea what he wants.
But if he is not telling you, then he is just complaining and not solving any problems.
If you are saying no to his requests, then you need to explore what it takes to say yes to a number of them. Saying no is simply another type of complaint, and doesn't offer a solution.
2007-03-01 05:00:03 · answer #1 · answered by camys_daddy 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's called LIFE. After you've been married awhile, it's NORMAL for things to cool off in the sack. Before you were married, you were doing it every available second.. on the stairwell... at your parents' house... in the car... on the subway, etc. Now you've done it every possible way... upside down, sideways, missionary, doggy, etc.
If you're not comfortable doing something new(be it wearing rubber underpants, using whips and chains, doing filthy things, bringing others into the scenario) then DON'T. This guy needs to put you before his selfish desires. After all, I'm assuming he has a hand an imagination.
You need to tell him how uncomfortable you feel and WHY you are uncomfortable. It's his job to make you comfortable and take things slow with you. If at the end of the day you still can't get up on all fours and take it like an Abu Ghraib prisoner, he is gonna have to deal with it. If he leaves you over something SO MINISCULE, then he has problems. I suggest a trip to a marriage counselor. Good luck. Don't let him push you into something youre not ready for.
2007-03-01 05:09:33 · answer #2 · answered by smartazz 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your husband is not getting what he wants at home he is most likely going to look elsewhere. Aren't you so sick of feeling insecure and listening to the complaining?
It sounds like a compromise is in order. Try one of the things he fantasizes about with him (have a few glasses of wine first), with the stipulation that he stop complaining. If it goes well then you can try something else another time.
Honestly, I think your insecurity will go away if you do some of the things he asks, because you will prove to both of you that you can please him. And, he will be on cloud nine because he will be so happy to get what he wants. Good luck!
2007-03-01 05:26:43 · answer #3 · answered by Li 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
See... a woman bed is her everything. If you cannot secure that, than your whole marriage is doom dear. I am sorry its harsh but its true. So why dont you work on it. Try to get in shape by exercising, buy sexy lingerie, fondles him at public places so that he feel the want to have you but cannot until he come home, see some feminine magazines like cosmopolitian where they discuss about sex all the time to get new idea about spicing up your sex and marital life. You fill find out later that it not only will make him happy but also give u more satisfaction in bed and multiple orgasms. So go for it girl.... Good luck!
2007-03-01 04:52:54 · answer #4 · answered by Stann 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hear is something that could help you out a little S/M you know slave and master. It's in your bedroom private and there is a lot of stuff on the Internet, but you do have to be into it at least a little though. Not trying to be a perv but excitement goes a long way in the bedroom. At least give it a shot it can't hurt well not much if done right.:)
2007-03-01 04:42:05 · answer #5 · answered by AFIN 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Before he married you, was he asking for freaky stuff then? If not, then he can't claim you misled him. If he is demanding that you do something you're uncomfortable with, then he is showing a lack of respect. You'll end up resenting him and I hope he can figure that out.
If he has an affair, then there are more problems with this marriage then you think.
You need to stand up for what you believe and are comfortable with. Don't sell your soul to keep a man. If he truly loves you, then he'll back off and give you the respect you need and deserve.
2007-03-01 04:41:46 · answer #6 · answered by Jennifer 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Without being creepy - and not too specific - what is it he asks you to do that you consider "freaky"? Sex with the lights on? You on top?
I mean if he wants to crap on your chest I can see the objection, but my god you're married why not explore some tame things and have fun?
Ah forget it - it's no use, listen to all the people who tell you to never sell yourself out and try something your spouse wants that you don't.
But expect the same treatment back when he doesn't want to go to some stuffy party with all your friends that he has no interest in attending.
And so on.
2007-03-01 04:41:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
When your in a marriage sometimes things die down in the bedroom. So you have to change it up. Even if your not confortable. Maybe you have low self esteem. Don't get me wrong, I'm not judging you. But if you don't want him to go look else where you cause that's whats probably going to happen. Sometimes you just have to give in and please the ones you love. It's not always about you. Both of you are one. Hey you might just like it. Give it a chance and good luck!
2007-03-01 04:39:41 · answer #8 · answered by Traviesa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really don't believe you should do anything you're not comfortable with. He needs to accept that....or maybe you can turn it around on him. Maybe suggest something that he's not comfortable with. I really think that it's immaturity on his part if he's not accepting that there are some things you will not do. Not everyone is uninhibited when it comes to sex. If he should have an affair or leave you because of it, then I believe he would be just using that as an excuse. So you may want to be prepared for the worse. I really hope for your sake this isn't the case. Best of luck to you.
2007-03-01 04:39:03 · answer #9 · answered by cajunrescuemedic 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Okay, I'm going to try and be senstive, but also honest and blunt.
What knew things does he want to try? Pretty much, anything can be okay, unless it involves other people. Maybe you have a hang up on somethings, thinking you will be a "bad girl", or something. If your husband is willing to be gently, and introduce things slowly, you could really like them. Toys? Men love that, it's the women who seem to be embarassed. Anal? Did you know you can actually orgasm from that? Spanking? If you are sexually arroused already, did you know your pain tolerance increase, so it doesn't hurt, it actually can feel good.
There are just so many things. If you have a good, honest relationship, talk to him, ask him to teach you new things, but you don't want to share him, and you don't want to get physically hurt. You guys could have so much fun together if you just open your self up!
2007-03-01 04:40:45 · answer #10 · answered by bina64davis 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋