My wife left me for another woman and I can’t come to terms with it. My ego is dented and I’m now very homophobic. How can I change and become normal?
2007-03-01 04:20:05 · 16 answers · asked by ? 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
You seem to be resentful that she preffered another woman over you. It is understandable that you feel resentful. However, to be homophobic is to be afraid of homosexuals, and you don't seem to be afraid of them.
My ex-wife told me she wanted a female lover, and even though that really surprised me, I had realized that if what she wanted was a woman, I couldn't be that for her. So I encouraged her to explore lesbianism and accepted the fact that she is entitled to happiness. After all, happiness in all relationships, is a two way street. It just wouldn't have been fair that I were happy, and she weren't.
Now I have a new wife, and I have a beautiful daughter. And my ex-wife and her girlfriend are among our best friends.
Don't hate homosexuals because of your wife's choice.
2007-03-01 04:39:43 · answer #1 · answered by David G 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Your response is perfectly natural and your negative feelings will definitely dissipate with time. How do you think you would feel if it turned out that she left you for a man, but it was some hot young Jewish doctor or a muscle bound Latino lawyer or a black nuclear physicist? Most people would feel jealous and threatened. However, since those aren't pleasant feelings, the feelings are easily morphed into feelings of anger or disgust, which are not nearly as unpleasant (because they are completely projected outward). People experience all kinds of anger and resentment toward other groups of people, and those feelings often vary from day to day and even minute to minute. Getting beyond that is often a matter of intellectual assent to a logical principal than having completely robotic control over your emotions.
2007-03-01 12:49:55 · answer #2 · answered by karin p 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My hubby is terrifiedof me leaving him for another woman. Most men find it sexy to see girl on girl action. He doesnt mind seeing other birds but woud freak if i did! I reckon its becuase you think that you can not compete with another woman and no matter what you do you could compete with another guy buy you are not a woman so cant compete with her new girlfriend.
Dont worry about it.. sleep well in the knowledge that at least she didnt leave you for another guy.. that would have been worse and you would have felt like a failure as a guy.. You did what you could but at the end of the day she feels more for women than men!
2007-03-01 12:27:12 · answer #3 · answered by JustJem 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, what is normal? Secondly, you are thinking of your wife in terms of her sexual activity and not as a person. Your ego would have been dented just as much if she had gone off with another man. Start thinking of it as her betrayal, not whether she is lesbian or not and ask yourself if you would have felt differently if she HAD have gone off with a man.
2007-03-01 12:31:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
first and foremost you ARE normal! i must confess i'm a little suspicious you are any more homophobic now than you were. as for getting over it, only time can do that. perhaps posting this question under family-marriage and divorce might get you better answers.
i'm sorry your wife left you... in my case i felt it was i who had to leave my wife! something about my personal brand of sanity and calm and tranquility for everyone else. selfish, i know.
2007-03-01 12:40:15 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's dreadful when relationships end. You almost go through the stages of bereavement - seems to me like you're stuck on Anger. With a little counselling you might find acceptance of your situation - and be better placed to move on and find the woman to do you proud...
2007-03-01 12:34:13 · answer #6 · answered by unclefrunk 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Rent or buy a couple of DVD's from the sitcom Friends, the early episodes. See how Ross handled his wife's lesbianism.
2007-03-01 12:48:02 · answer #7 · answered by phxguy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try to:
1) stop asking bigoted questions here (this one is an exception) and similarly, posting bigoted answers;
2) join PFLAG to get support from other straight people who have LGBT people in their lives; and
3) learn more about LGBT people by having them as acquaintances.
If this is a serious question, good luck!
2007-03-01 12:43:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
" My ego is dented ".... You said it all !! YOU have the feeling you did something wrong or didn't do what you should have or you just can't understand....Think a minute....and if SHE did something wrong or didn't do what she should have !!!!!
Don't blame it on an homosexual thing...its just one of the strange things of life and by the way has she anything against straight ppl...probably not........
2007-03-01 12:30:16 · answer #9 · answered by talkingformydog 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You need to give yourself time to get over what your wife did and also accept that you are angry with her. At the moment you are transferring your anger unfairly onto the gay community. Its your ex that you are mad at, so you have to deal with that. It will take time, but you will move on and find your own life and then I think you will find your tolerance levels increase.
2007-03-01 12:24:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋