My wife left me 5 months ago for unknown reasons. We had been married for 1 yr but together for 6. I have been going to couceling and working on me and trying to recover. Recently I have met a really awesome woman from church (so she seems) and I feel bad about moving forward becuase the divorce isn't final (as far as California is concerned) until June yet when I am with her it feels right. Thoughts?
2007-03-01 04:00:03 · 13 answers · asked by fedup 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
keep it as friends. Nothing wrong with that. Its not like you were out looking for it the day she left. Take things slow. If it feels right then keep it going. Just as long as you are finished with your last relationship ( meaning you have accepted that the marriage is over)
2007-03-01 04:06:52 · answer #1 · answered by beaches 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Unless you are considering getting back together with your wife, don't stress. In fact, I wouldn't even mention it to the woman until several dates into your new relationship.
The way I see it, there's no reason to tell people that you're still "married, but getting divorced" if there's a potential you'll never see them again. It'll scare away all your potential dates, and it's a needless hassle. I think it should be a 3rd, 4th, or 5th date discussion, and even then, approach it tactfully. "My divorce isn't quite final yet, but there's no way I'd get back with my wife. She left me, and I'm just trying to move on..." Throw in some compliments if you have to. "You were so amazing that I couldn't stand the thought of some guy sweeping you up before I had the chance," or something like that.
Best of luck to you. I'm sorry about the divorce. I hope you have better luck in your relationships in the future!!!
2007-03-01 04:14:57 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you feel ready then please don't let anyone else tell you differently. I had been divorced 18 months before I met my partner. He had been separated from his wife 5 months but his marriage had been in very deep trouble practically since the beginning since his wife seemed unable to feel or express affection or emotion so he had felt "not married" for many years. Many of his friends told him he couldn't possibly be ready for a new relationship after only 5 months - some even told him he shouldn't EVER have another relationship, in case it upset his teenage son (who of course could have all the relationships he wanted!). He's divorced now and we are still happy together over a year later. Things happen when they happen, not according to someone else's timetable. By all means go out with this lady, but don't do anything drastic, like getting engaged or talking about marriage, until your divorce is well behind you.
Good luck.
2007-03-01 04:23:00 · answer #3 · answered by Specsy 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's up to you. If YOU feel it's "wrong" - then for you it's wrong. I feel that once one of the partners (or both) make the decision not to be with each other - the promise we both made to each other is null and void, and I can get on with my life and do whatever I see fit. Marriage is not a legal concept to me, but a matter of keeping a promise we made. Just as I don't have to be legally married to be committed to someone, I don't feel the need to wait for the divorce to be final if the committment is no longer valid. Nowadays, legal divorce can take months or even years - why waste my time?
2007-03-01 04:19:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you are a church going man you're aware that you promised under the eyes of your god to love and cherish that woman until death did you part. despite the fact that divorce is looming i think you ought to wait, divorce isn't exactly a good thing in the faith's eyes either-
but at least it's slightly above adultery and lying, i mean for all intensive purposes you would be lying having said you'd remain faithful to her NO MATTER WHAT and then tromping off with someone else
if you had to ask it means that you had hesitation, and for good reason...if you and the new woman are meant to work out something it will come in time. don't cheapen it by rushing, i think you just feel lonely and desolute as the final days of your marriage approach.
that's understandable, but share these feelings with your counselor instead.
2007-03-01 04:06:59 · answer #5 · answered by brandylyn_kay 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Please do not put yourself out there to get hurt again. You have not even had time to heal yet. You are still legally married. You need this time to heal and get your head on straight. Don't rush yourself. If she is such a wonderful person she will be there for you when you are legally divorced and have had time to heal. Keep going to counciling. STAY single and uninvolved for a while you will be glad you did. The lady you are interested will also respect you more for not jumping back into the fire so quickly.
2007-03-01 04:27:33 · answer #6 · answered by springer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your wife left and "court" papers have been filed then anything goes.
Your a free man to live and breath and do as you will.
You have to realize there ARE really awesome people out there who will support you on many different levels and its not sad or bad or anything if you found someone who found out about your greatness!
Dont feel bad feel great that your not tied down to the dysfunctional BS of your past...
Sounds like you need to be celebrating life!
2007-03-01 04:11:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I tell my clients not to do it but I personally found it hard not to date. The downside is that you risk embroiling that other person in your divorce. They can be subpoenaed to testify which could prove to be very embarassing. If you date this lady do your best to keep it on a social level for now and do not spend money on her for expensive gifts, trips, etc.
2007-03-01 04:07:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You phrased this as a question of morality: "Is it right?" Since you go to church, you should ask your pastor this question. Assuming you believe in the same principles as your church, proceed according to what he tells you.
2007-03-01 04:08:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Follow your heart. In NC divorce's aren't final for a year so to ask someone to not "date" for a year is much. If you are mentally and emotionally ready to date then do it.
2007-03-01 04:24:21 · answer #10 · answered by T C 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋