do opposites attract....or is it something that we believe...need answers please.?

Question

am completly the oppisite of my girfreind ,she studies well behaved,family orientated,cares about enviromental things,can't lie to save her life...and am am a struggling musician with a bad drug habit,can be very polite one moment and crazy violent the next,ex-convict,love anything that has a vagina,a tendancy to disapear for long period of time, my brothers and freinds think am the luckiest bastard alive to have a women like her......can she see something everyone else can't

Answer 1

No - like attracts like. The latest fashion is to call it the "Law of Attraction". But opposite ENERGY TYPES do attract, because the part of us that wants to grow is drawn to the qualities in others that help us towards balance. So a person of volatile emotionally-led temperament (you?) may well be attracted to a a calm, reflectively thinking type (her?) and a person who hesitates a lot before acting (her?) is drawn by one who is impulsive (you?).

You are her "Heathcliff" (character in the book/film Wuthering Heights). Sometimes a woman who is staid and correct loves to experience some wildness. There is something in her that is drawn to excitement, danger, and sheer mad sexuality. Consciously or subconsciously, she is choosing to be "irresponsible".

Biology is in play. Studies have shown that a significant % of women who want, or have, a stable, sensible man and want to raise, or are raising, a family with him, also have sex with (an affair or a 1-night-stand with) a rough-hewn, macho man, especially around the most fertile time of their month. At the biological, non conscious, level they are wanting their children to have both wild, strong, hunter's genes and a stable, gentle, safe, nurturing man's upbringing. (My mum was one of these :-))

Such behaviour is quite commonplace in other "monogamous" species ~ albatrosses, for example.

Answer 2

The process of seeking similar people is referred to as homiphily. People tend to like others who are similar to themselves for practical reasons. However, homiphily is not the driving force of a relationship or otherwise we'd all be homosexual!!

It would appear that a certain level of antihomiphily is required for a relationship. Heterosexuals already have this built in by the gender difference, and homosexuals have to create their own differences (e.g. different age group, race, physical appearance). This is also why a lot of homosexual relationships don't last - too many similarities.

The requirement for antihomiphily may explain why some blonde girls go for black or Asian males. Antihomiphily is one of the things which fuels a relationship because variety is the spice of life.

Another thing is that women look for something different in males, to what males look for in females. This is why you see the most beautiful women sometimes dating the most ugly or violent of guys.