My Husband wrecked his Eclipse on purpose with me in it...?

Question

My Husband is a great dad/husband/provider, but... he came home with a major attitude lastnight and we were grouchy with eachother, not fightning though. Anyway- I was asking him why he was being such an ***hole? He started driving fast, trying to scare me. I said "You're acting stupid, you're not gonna scare me this way" So he tried to do a 360 turn (To scare me) and he crashed the side of the car with a fence on the main road. No one was hurt but he broke the axle and both end sides of the body kit are hanging off. And we had to pay $80 for a 5 block tow home. I am angry at him and need advice on what I should do about it. He needs to have consequences! Stuff like this does not happen often but.. when crazy stuff he does out of anger does happen, he obviously doesn't have enough consequences and I end up fixing everything. I always manage every problem we ever get into and I am tempted to get this taken care of with the insurance etc.... But.. I don't think I should. Help me.

Answer 1

Well, this is a double whammy. If you use your insurance and you convince them to pay then your insurance will most likely go up. It depends on who the car belongs to and who is the insurance holder. Once the car is fix, guest what? Now your insurance rate will go up for being a reckless driver. Well, the holder of the insurance policy will go up.

I think your problem has nothing to do with car repair or insurance policy. The problem here is you. Yes, that's right you. The reason is that every time your husband trows a fit like a 3 year old you fix the problem. If you have a kid and the kid throws his plate of food on the floor because the kid is mad , it is the parents responsibility to make the child pick up. If the parent doesn't teach the child to pick up after himself he/she will never learn. Cooperating and doing the right thing is a learn behavior. If you do this for a kid why make an adult an exception? What makes an adult so special. So, you must make your husband pick up after himself sort of speak. If you fix things every time then there is no punishment that will teach him not to do things like that again. Especially if he is not the one paying out of his pocket. So, stop pampering him and spoiling him. When he does good things he should be rewarded and when he does bad thing he must face the consequences. That's right, just like a kid because this is how he is behaving. If he wants to be treated like a 3 year old then so be it.

I would not fix the car. If you have a second car, then take over that one. The second car is now your car and he can deal with the mess he made himself. If you don't have a second car then things get more difficult. So, you must find a way for him to pay for his stupidity. Think about it. This time around no body got hurt. There are no guarantees that you guys will be as lucky next time. If you whee to kill a person while trowing a fit this would be considered man slaughter. That's right prison time. So, take it seriously.

Answer 2

Your husband needs to grow up & stop acting childish. I don't know where you see him as a great husband/ dad/ provider. Stuff like this should not happen at all. Forget the often. Let's face it, he did not start acting like this now, this has been going on over time and is getting worse. Advise, stop cleaning up his mess. You have been doing it now for how long? Where has it gotten you? There is a pattern here you bail him out when ever for what ever his actions cause. I would have a little sit down & he needs to get his sh** together or you need to move on before you or your child ends up hurt due to his anger issues. Good Luck.

Answer 3

Sounds like you both have issues. Yes both.

Was that the right time and place to start attacking him. Yes, you attacked him based on what you quote as your words, being an ******, acting stupid.

Yes, I agree with the others, his responses were poor. However, based on your own description of the account you attacked him. I'm not saying you started it, but you did attack.

Those are NOT mature, loving words.

A relationship is a two way street. So what are you going to do to get your side of the street clean?

You are going at this all wrong, looking to assign consequences to him.

Fix your own behavior first, then I'll get real about giving advice about his.

Yes, he was wrong too, but you are the only one here, so you need to face the reality of your bad behavior, and address that before you can criticize him with any credibility.

Answer 4

Lady....quite frankly his recklessness and immature conduct damn near killed one or both of you. This type of conduct is inexcusable. let alone if he hit some soccer mom on her way home from the local Girl Scout meeting with 5 kids in the car then you needed worry about having the money to fix anything. You'd both be living in a refridgerator box.
He drives like a horses as* and whips the car around just to "scare" you. Well...your description of him is exaclty what he is. If he doesn't seek anger management counseling then it looks as though this stuff he does won't stop until he reaches puberty.

Answer 5

The Nature of Anger

Anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage," according to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline.

Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person (Such as a coworker or supervisor) or event (a traffic jam, a canceled flight), or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings.

Expressing Anger

The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival.

On the other hand, we can't physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us.

Anger Management

The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. You can't get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that enrage you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions.

Are You Too Angry?

There are psychological tests that measure the intensity of angry feelings, how prone to anger you are, and how well you handle it. But chances are good that if you do have a problem with anger, you already know it. If you find yourself acting in ways that seem out of control and frightening, you might need help finding better ways to deal with this emotion.

Strategies To Keep Anger At Bay

Relaxation

Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry feelings. There are books and courses that can teach you relaxation techniques, and once you learn the techniques, you can call upon them in any situation. If you are involved in a relationship where both partners are hot-tempered, it might be a good idea for both of you to learn these techniques.

Some simple steps you can try:

* Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won't relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your "gut."

* Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "take it easy." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply.

* Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination.

* Nonstrenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer.

Practice these techniques daily. Learn to use them automatically when you're in a tense situation.

Your husband has problems with controlling his anger and you should not clean up the mess for him. That will only validate his behavior. You must persuade him in a calm friendly manner that perhaps he may need some therapy. It is not rational behavior to get mad and go crash your vehicle on purpose with your wife in it. You or both of you could have died. What about your children then? Your husband is not a bad person. He is a good person with a problem that needs to be controlled. Do not continue to ignore this any longer. Next time, the consequences could be much greater than a car and an insurance claim.

Answer 6

This is not the only answer that you need ,but it may help some. DON'T be an enabler. If he has to fix what he messes up he'll think twice about doing it. I have been there & know. However, it sounds like your Husband need to go to a DR. & perhaps get medications for his mood swings. He definately needs help of some kind to control his anger. He could do something to you or himself that cannot be fixed by anyone. GOOD LUCK & GOD BLESS.

Answer 7

So perhaps anger management classes? Marriage counseling? Anyone who is willing to use their car as a means to frighten someone has some issues. Here's a hint. Don't fix all his messes. Make him clean up some of them. Make HIM talk to the insurance company.

When you take care of all his problems, you are enabling him to stay the way he is. Why should he change if you are willing to do all of the hard work?

Answer 8

Nope....let him deal with the bureaucrats of the insurance company and explain how this mishap came about. He owes you more than just taking care of this matter on his own. What the hell was he thinking? Trying to scare you, does a 360, driving fast....he could have killed you. I would not get in the car with him driving again. His being angry is his entitlement, but he almost took you out girl.....Glad you are with us today !

Answer 9

he needs anger management. And You need to learn to stop enabling him by doing everything for him. Don't call your husband names either. That is disrespectful and wrong. If he does that too tell him to stop, you both will stop that. It only eggs him on and you. You two needs counselling. I hope things work out and I would make him call the insurance company. You didn't crash the car, he did!
Good luck to you both.

Answer 10

Sounds like some couples counseling and anger management classes would be in order.