Who has ACTUALLY FORGIVEN YOUR SPOUSE FOR AN AFFAIR?

Question

How long did it take? Are you glad? Did you spouse ever actually move out. DO you ever feel humiliated?
I know a lot of you will answer "no, never. not me>" I am really interested in hearing from those who have and whether they regret it.

Answer 1

I forgave him and put it behind me, but he could not forgive himself so i finally said forget it and got a divorce.

Answer 2

I've consulted many couples dealing with infidelity. I answered a question similar to this a while back. The truth is more people forgive their spouses for infidelity than are willing to admit. Of course people nowadays are caught up in not looking foolish, or saving face but if you really and truly love someone, you'll eventually forgive them...even if they DID cheat on you. However, just because someone forgives their spouse for an affair, doesn't neccessarily mean they're going to take them back. Most women take back their husbands if they cheat, and most husbands don't take back their wifes if THEY cheat (I explain this in a little more detail in one of my other answers). But regardless of either of those facts, forgiving one's spouse for an affair doesn't exactly guarantee reconciliation.

As far as humiliation goes, that's completely natural but there's no need to feel humiliated. Since when is it humiliating to forgive someone an give them a second chance after they've done wrong by you? Don't get me wrong, you'll have friends and relatives say "I can't believe you took him/her back! Don't you remember what he/she did to you??" But what they don't realize is that it takes a bigger person to forgive someone than to hold a grudge. It takes an even bigger person to take their spouse back and try to establish a good, working, healthy relationship.

With regards to the length of time it takes to forgive a cheating spouse there are many factors involved: How long the affair lasted; what happened during the affair outside of sex; who the person was; the reason for the infidelity; how forgiving a person the cheated spouse is; how remorseful the cheating spouse is; the list goes on and on. What I've found is that it takes anywhere from a few months to a few years for someone to completely heal from being hurt by infidelity...and in some cases they never really fully recover...

I don't know that anyone I've counseled has ever regretted forgiving their spouse but i've talk to a few that regretted taking them back. There are cases where the husband/wife cheats again and again. THAT would make anybody feel humiliated for taking their husband/wife back because of their spouse being unfaithful again...NOT because they forgave them. I could be wrong but that's just what I've experienced. There may be people out there that have regretted forgiving their unfaithful spouse but I've yet to meet one.

The bottom line is there is some level of humiliation but only because of what other people might think. If you had no friends or familiy to influence you would you feel humiliated by taking back a cheating spouse? That's up to you to answer but again, I want you to understand that there is a difference between forgiving, and forgiving AND reconciling and taking them back.

I hope this answer has given you a broader perception on infidelity.

Answer 3

I forgave my spouse for having many affairs but, I forgave him about ten years after we were divorced. Make that twenty years, and I still haven't forgiven a couple of the women who were my friends at the time.

I felt stupid, not humiliated. I asked my best friend why she didn't tell me what was going on as she knew about these affairs. She told me it wasn't her place, and she was right. The way I found out, after we were separated, was much easier than if she had told me out of the blue.

It isn't anyone's place to tell you something like that, anyone but your spouse, that is.

My ex was a great guy, ambitious and harworking, which made him (and us) successful and wealthy. He was one of the smartest men I have ever known. Men like that have huge sex drives, it comes with the territory. It is part of their nature.

Be sure you know who you are marrying. Then, take it all as it comes and don't knee jerk react to some of the behaviour that may be wrong in your eyes, but may be an integral part of who your spouse really is.

Answer 4

I have. It took about a year to completely forgive him, but only about a week to get to a point where I could look at him. After about a month, I allowed him back into my bed, no sex. I never kicked him out. I hate that we went through that, but our marriage is so strong now. We've been together for 11 years now and are happier than alot of couples that have never been down this road. I have 100 % faith in him that he will never cheat again. I no longer feel humiliated or regret that we made it work. I meant what I said when I said for better or worse, till death do us part.

Answer 5

So far no regrets, but it's never easy to forget. And the thought of wanting to ruin the married Ho's life crosses my mind from time to time. I wonder if her husband ever found out...you know I always think that eventually what comes around goes around and she'll eventually get hers. And my husband can't forget how lucky he is that I'm still here.
As far as forgiving goes...not sure what you mean, how can people actually forgive if they can't forget. It will always be there in the back of a persons mind. But you just pretty much deal with it or it will eat you up. If you both are willing to make it work then their should be no regrets. Once in a while though....you get the thought and GOSH you just want to slap em in the head and say WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? people are morons now a days and sometime they need a little guidance. So to answer your question how long does it take...hhhmmm tuff one. As long and you can never forget I guess...that's how long.

Answer 6

I tried to but couldn't. I could never get over it and after a year we aren't together although she left me but I was getting more paranoid about who she was chatting to on the phone and internet that I was going nuts with paranoia and couldn't trust her the way I used to before it happened when I thought she would never do that to me. I wish I would have just left then and not wasted a year of my life.

Answer 7

I have forgiven my wife after I caught her in bed with a black guy at our hotel room in Jamaica.

She told me she just wanted to act out an old fetish of hers and wanted to do it with someone who she would never have the possibility of seeing again.

We both have moved on and are happily married.

Answer 8

People can forgive.

No one - especially a woman - EVER forgets.

Answer 9

no1 should....its cheating and dishonest and unfaithful...i say cheaters shouldent be forgiven bc you can never trust them again...or look at them the same