Thinking about marriage at 20 - 21?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 and a half years. We've lived together in an apartment for just over a year now and then before at our parents house for a year. We KNOW we are meant to be together but what are others opinions on us getting married at 20 - 21 years old?

Answer 1

I think it's fine. I was married at 17 (my husband was 19). We're still together (a little over a year and a half) and we're doing great. It's not a question of age, it's a question of maturity and the willingness to accept the commitment. If you are both willing to accept the responsibilities of marriage, then it's fine. You need to talk about what you expect from each other as husband and wife, and discuss the way your lives are going to change (if any).

People say it's too young and that you haven't done what you wanted with life yet. That's ridiculous. Modern society preaches that marriage isn't neccessary at all, and that it just "gets in the way." This is a lie.

Since my marriage, I have had a son, started college, written a novel, and continued my fulfilling career as journalist (which I had started during our engagement).

Marriage does not keep you from doing the things you want to do. It offers you a constant companion to enjoy the journeys of life with, and the stability of knowing that you have someone who will comfort you if you fail, or cheer you on if you succeed. Someone who will be there, no matter what.

Don't give up on something wonderful because you are worried about the future. Don't pass up the opportunity to marry someone you love because you think in 10 years you'll get "bored" and have an affair. It doesn't work that way. Marriage is work--you have to work to keep the flame burning, and work to stay interested each other. But it's the most enjoyable, fulfilling and rewarding work you'll ever have to do. People who get "bored," "cheat," or "stop loving one another" are just too lazy, and give up easily. My mom was divorced 3 times, and on my wedding day told me it was only because she lost sight of what she was fighting for. She told me to never give up, because as long as I keep trying, those things won't happen to me.

You've got to be strong, but you sound like a strong woman. You've already spent 2 1/2 years together! If you're still in love and still wanting marriage, do it!!!!!!!!

Best of luck to you, and congrats on your relationship.

Answer 2

When I got married, I was 16 and my husband was 18 in my culture (we dated for 2 and a half years). We're still happily married. I'm currently 23 and he's 25. But I can tell you that we've had our hard times; when others saw it as a divorce coming, we saw it as a way to accept each other's mistake and work it out. Sometimes when young couples think of getting married because they feel it's so "right," they don't think about the negative side of it. For example, how nasty a fight could get. Disagreements on family matters, money, religion, way of living. I believe that couples don't really understand how much they're in love until they actually get married and start to truly see the positive & negatve side of a person because don't forget, people change over time from influences all around them. Don't forget that and the point here is that, are you willing to compromise that and still love your spouse after all that you both have been through because it is so easy to say you want a divorce after nasty fights when at first you should have thought about this before getting married. I hope this makes sense to you and helps you in making your decision. Of course, my husband and I are just a couple of old souls who happened to have found each other along our journeys.

Answer 3

I got married a couple of moths ago and I was 20 and my husband 19. I'm now 21 and I don't regret it. I think if you are sure you have found the right one and you are already living together, you might as well get married. I brought the whole "too young thing" up with my husband when we first started talking about marriage. I thought maybe he would want to "live a little more" or something. But the way he explained it to me was that he knew he was going to spend forever with me, so why not start as soon as possible. ;) It depends on your maturity level. Not age. People used to get married this young and younger all the time. If you're sure he's the one, go for it! ;) Good luck. :)

Answer 4

I agree you are still too young to get married. It is a commitment to stay together through thick and thin for the rest of your lives - that could be 70 years. Not that I am saying you won't - just that I think things can actually be ruined by being forced. You've lived together for just over a year, that's great, but there really is no need to get married yet. Just enjoy life together - travel, do all the things that will be so much harder to do when you have responsibilities like demanding jobs and small children (and pets that accuse you of abandoning them if you leave them in a cattery for a week!)

If I were 21 again, I would forget all about marriage. I'd spend at least a year living in Italy, at least another year living in France, and I'd get myself qualified to do the job that would really make me happy. If I were in your shoes, I think I'd spend the next few years concentrating on work, home, have a few great holidays, and maybe plan and save for the dream wedding in my late 20s. This time in your life will never come again - enjoy it. There will be time enough for marriage in years to come.

Answer 5

If you know this is the person you see yourself with thru sickness and thru health, for better and worst then it doesn't matter how old you are as long as you love each other and know that this is the person meant for you and no matter what never give up on each other always try to make it work. My husband and I have only been married for 4 month we both where 19( he just turned 20)when we got married. It does bother me that some people kind of give us disapproving looks but i don't care i love him and this will only make us stronger and we will prove to everyone out there who think this will never last that we will make our marriage work. So ask yourself this, if you love him and want to marry him and both of you think this is a good time why wait? Just to get approval of people who don't know a thing about your relationship do what both of you think its best after all its going to be a decision both of will make and will have to live with the rest of you life. Do what you think its best. I wish you the best in what ever YOU decide.

Answer 6

I can only tell you from my own experience and observations of my friends and their relationships. I got married at 19, and no one could tell me not to. I thought we were soul mates and he even cried when he called me from boot camp cuz he missed me. I knew this was LOVE and I KNEW I was old enough; 6 mos and 1 divorce later, lots of bounced checks, jealous fights, him getting VD from a hooker in the PI and just irresponsibility in general, I realized it coud have been a mistake... (ya think!?!)

Years later when I think back I just realize that we did not have a clue and only thought we did. We were both immature and did not have the life experience to handle the situations we encountered. I heard he is living in Ocala and selling mattresses now, fitting in my book... but, I digress...


I am over 40 now, of my friends that got married young, most have divorced and remarried someone else. I can think of 2 that have lasted, though. Everyone's unique, but your odds of lasting aren't real good.
You probably can't see it now, but you will change as much between 20 and 30 as you did between 10 and 20 mentally and maturity wise. Lots of times too, ppl start realizing all the things they missed out on when they get closer to 30's. Especially if you are really strapped financially, have a bunch of kids, etc.

I think if you're in love and there is really something there, it will still be there in a few years too and I would wait. If you just can't wait, well then take your chances. Just know that you have to compromise, always talk things out and communicate and never go to bed mad, treat the other person with complete consideration and you will . I've been with my hubby 20 yrs,

I wish you all the best whatever you choose.

Answer 7

I got married this past year I was 20. I am now 21 and as happy as I can be with our first baby on the way in September. I definately think that you should be 100% sure about it, but I think that 20-21 is a good age to get married. Good luck and God bless! And congrats on finding a good man as soon as you did.

Answer 8

This is a very personal, individual decision. I was married at age 20, but I had already graduated from college (so had my husband). We're still together over 30 years later, with no regrets. But you must decide whether this is right for you. My concern is that you are questioning the decision this way---it suggests that you may hav some doubts. Figure out what they really are about, and see if you can resolve them before making this permanent commitment.

Answer 9

I have been married for 7 years, I got married at 21. I have a wounderful marriage and the best friend in the world, we laugh and we fight, but it is all give and take.

This is a truley personal decision and it is up to the BOTH of you to talk about it. Talk about the future, do you both want the same in your jobs/education, how about children? Don't be discuraged by the negative stories but do not jump into it because of the happy ones either. The divorce rate is 50%.

Life is trial and error. Best wishes for your future and choices.

Answer 10

You can't even go and post a question of that sot on here. Do you understand that the only person who can honestly answer your question, is your heart. I met my husband when I was 17, we married at 19, and we're happily in love till this day. I have two of his children and we're 30. It all depends on your relationship with your boyfriend. However, don't move too fast. I think its perfectly fine to get married at that age, but it's going to be hard. Extremely hard. You may think there's no difference between marriage and living together. Your probably saying, heck, it's just a piece of paper? But believe me, tough times will get tougher. Marriage is a tough decision. Have you seen the world? Have you done the things you wanted to do for "yourself"? These were questions everyone has been asking me when I decided to marry my husband. You know what my answer was.. I plan on seeing the world with him. If your madly deeply in love with this man, and willing to spend the rest of your life with him, marry him. Godbless you two.