Is a child self esteem tied more to accomplishments or adult praise even when unearned?

Answer 1

Early on it is all about adult interaction. We do not know good or bad, so if an adult is over critical(bad) or encouraging(good), this shapes how we view ourselves. Face it, we view ourselves through our parents eyes for a long time.

Answer 2

It is not really possible to sever one from the other. A child who earns praises that are not tied into accomplishments grows up expecting them with little or no effort. On the other hand, a child who does alot of accomplishments but never hears any praise becomes stunted, always looking for someone to 'compliment' them in place of those early authority figures.

Together, they should be a self-sustaining circle, accomplishments leads to praise, which leads the child to do more accomplishments to get the praises, etc etc etc.

This is in no-way suggests that love needs to follow this cycle; love tied to accomplishment and/or praise can be as damaging as giving one without the other. While love can have a strong and integral affect on self-esteem, the process by which it is nurtured should be kept seperate.

Answer 3

I beleive it has to do with praise. I t doesn't matter what you accomplish, if you are not receiving praise for it, it will not feel like an accomplishment. It is possible to overcome not receiving any praise, and be accomplishing these things for yourself only, not for the attention of others. But this is more difficult in children, because they strive off of praise, mostly from their parents. If their parents aren't showing any interest in things they are doing, they are more likely to fail in those areas, or quit altogether. I have young childern, and they are constantly coming up to me and saying"Mommy, look what I can do!" or "Look what I drew!" They do everything with the hopes that someone will notice, and tell them what a good job they did, because it makes them proud of themselves. If their accomplishments are ignored, they will lose interests in them because they are not receiving any attention for it. They will look for attention in other ways, alot of times through bad behavior. Kids need praise, even if it is only a minor accomplishment, because it certainly meant something to them.

Answer 4

Children are not stupid... they simply have less life experience... therefore praising when unearned is not accomplishing anything.

Kids know darn well they do well and getting praise for it justifies those actions. Praising a kid who does nothing simply means he will feel good by doing nothing so you are training him to be very lazy yet want acknowledgment.

Answer 5

I'd say mainly to real accomplishments in the child's life. Sometimes, however, people boost a child's ego with comments such as, "what a handsome, smart boy you are," meanwhile they don't even know the child--or anything about him/her.