Her dad and I have been married 2 years, his 15 yr old likes me and so does his 4 yr old. We also have a new baby together. We got along at first but since she started 7th grade she has changed drastically and I know she does not like me. I do everything for the kids and I am kind to her. She is subtle about it, running into me without saying excuse me, throwing the babys bib in my face when I asked her to hand it to me and then laughing saying she was joking. I can see it in her eyes how she feels. What can I do about this? I am not going to kiss anyones behind to make them like me and I already do so much for the kids. I am at a loss, I feel like a stranger in my own home sometimes.
2007-03-01 02:12:58 · 11 answers · asked by peach 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
I WAS that stepchild when I was younger. I had my mom resenting my step-mom b/c she was the "homewrecker" and never letting me forget it for a minute, and I wanted my mom and dad to get back together, so it didn't take much for me to make my stepmom's job miserable. That is also a tough age, so I was going through those changes anyway which made it worse. Definitely DO NOT let her get away with being rude or disrespectful toward you. Discipline her as you would your own child, or depending on the way you and your husband have decided, let him do it. I think it is better if you are able to hand down your own punishment b/c she will respect you as an individual and not look at you as if you have to run and tattle to her daddy every time she does something. Even if it is only to send her to her room. But remember to always show her at all other times that you care for her, and continue to show kindness and make it clear you are there for her whenever and however she may need you. I am now 32 years old and my stepmom and I are closer than my mom and I, and it is due to her years and years of patience and love and her refusal to bite back at my mom's efforts to turn me against her. I love my mom, but over the years I have learned to not let her push me into the middle and I am able to love them both as parents, not as a mom and a stepmom. Your daughter will come around, too. And just a small thing that may help. Try not to be obvious about it, but watch movies with her that might help to open her mind a little, like "Stepmom", which is a perfect example of this type situation. Or I think there is a new movie out by Tyler Perry called "My Girls" or something about a single dad with girls who meets a lady and how the girls treat her, and Tyler Perry's movies always have a christian undertone and a wonderful message if that is important to you. Good Luck!!
2007-03-01 05:35:59 · answer #1 · answered by Candy D 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It is the age she is in right now. Try not to take it all personal. Hormones are changing and she is dealing with them in her own way. Sit her down and point out these things to her.. ask her to change her attitude with you. Maybe even talk to the 15 yr old and ask what she thinks about her acting like that. She is about to be a teenager and this happens.. it is a phase. But make sure she knows that you are not happy about it and see if you both can work together on it. Good luck.
2007-03-01 10:24:12 · answer #2 · answered by luvthbaby2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is a teenager, a teenage girl..She'll grow out of this little stage, granted it will take time..I did the same thing to my mother, she was my worste enemy and i was very mean to her and for no apparent reason but then i soon realized how much she actually did for me, loving me unconditionally when she didnt have to ect and to this day I still feel real bad the way i treated her and now i see her as my best friend.
Try talking to her it might help, let her know you do not deserve the way she is treating you and you would like it to stop, talk to your husband and have him talk to her.It will be hard because teenagers only listen to what they want to hear and will probably laugh and give a big attitude just because she can...
Don't show her any emotion, treat her the way she treats you and when she b*itches and groans to her father ask her."how does it feel."
Or their could be an underlying problem thats causing her to act like this and that would be another reason for you to talk to her..
Try taking her alone somewhere maybe out to eat, give her a ditch day do you guys can spend it together and have a heart to heart conversation, get to the bottom of it.
Good luck!
2007-03-01 13:30:44 · answer #3 · answered by Kasja 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is probably normal, I know I had a HUGE problem with my step mother when I was 11. I felt replaced and upset. I didnt like the idea of another woman being with my dad except my mom, especially if I wasnt ok with it. (I am his only child)
She is probably upset, or she isnt comfortable. She may also feel that you "take" her from her dad. Maybe she heard something going on...or overheard a convorsation between you to, and she didnt like it. There are so many possibilities. I know that I didnt like my step mom because she wanted to send me away and told me this, and that she didnt want to "share" my father with me. I dont think that this is the case for you though.
What you can do is mabye have a day alone with her, go do girly things, like get your nails done, or go shopping or something. Spend some time together and talk, tell her that she is special and that you love her.
It may also help her to have a day out with daddy. 12 is a hard time...puberty kicks in!
2007-03-01 11:08:02 · answer #4 · answered by Catlin 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My natural daughter treated me like that for a couple of years.I don't think it's a step issue,more of an age issue.She has had to get used to a new sibling and 7th grade! This in itself can be all consuming for a youngster never mind having to deal with step-family issues. However,that doesn't make it alright for her to treat you with such disrespect.Talk to her with her father,try to get to the bottom of it,most of all,make it clear to her that you must be treated with courtesy and respect. My daughter went through a very similar phase at that age.She's 16 now and an absolute angel!
2007-03-01 10:56:41 · answer #5 · answered by New Boots. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what we have the same problems with a 12 year old at my house-mouthy, sarcastic, rude, always melancholy, I think it may be hormones. Really it might not even be you but what you are-the dreaded Parent. You are looking at it from your perspective but looking at it from hers she is probably heavily hormonal and time will heal it. Stay light with her as much as you can, dont igonor rude behavior but dont overdo it either(if she cant say excuse me you should ask her to) she will get through this and so will we.
2007-03-01 10:21:40 · answer #6 · answered by elaeblue 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her come to you. Don't try so hard for her to like you. She will come around. No doubt she is daddy's little girl. Did something happen to her mother? You took her mother's place. She is not taking that lightly. Ask her opinion sometimes, maybe on where or what to eat, and don't ignore them. But do not let her walk all over you!
2007-03-01 13:40:57 · answer #7 · answered by Nicole 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think you hav to give her time to get use to you being around. the only man i ever liked my mom with is with my dad and i've hated all the rest. the only thing about it is i deal with it and torture them until they leave. so i think you should sit down and have a serious talk with her and ask her why she feels that way.either that or tell her father but that will make it worse on your behalf.
2007-03-01 10:38:51 · answer #8 · answered by Princess K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you should find out your stepdaughters interests and work towards it. For an example if there is something that you know she wants but she has never discussed it with you maybe you can get that for her.
2007-03-01 14:59:12 · answer #9 · answered by KingK354 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ahhh the kid sounds like me!!
my dad got remarried a few years after a mom died and i hated my step mom for takin her place....what happened to their mom...? she might feel like i did...
i am 17 now and everything is ok now, i get on with my step mom and she is awesomeee
2007-03-01 10:27:20 · answer #10 · answered by Wibb 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋