How do you deal with a break-up when kids are involves without hurting the kids?

Answer 1

Unfortunately, I don't think it's possible.

You can minimize the hurt by making a commitment to the children.

My ex-husband and I try to do this as best as possible. We did our own divorce, and Parenting plan (in our state, it's required).

We split the kids 50/50, and made sure that the children have the right to live in their home, go to their school and be with their friends. They don't have to move, or change their life just because mom and dad can't get their acts together.

Because of this, my ex and I live blocks away from each other. When I remarried, my new husband had to move to my town, into my home, or we wouldn't have gotten married. My new husband now drives over an hour a day, each way to work.

My children come first. Period.

If either my ex and I move out of the kids' school district, we automatically give up our parenting rights....so if he moved, I wouldn't be required to send the kids to him 50% of the time.

My ex and I talk weekly. Most of the time nowadays, it's via email or text message.

I think the key to a good relationship with your ex is to not "b****" to each other. Most of my emails are "FYI" emails about the kids. Issues we're having at my house, their grades (cause I'm the one that tracks their progress) and things like that.

I send him "gentle reminders" when he forgets to deposit my childsupport.....and always jokingly add that his "hostile reminder" is coming the next day. It was never easy for us to talk about money when we were married, it's not any easier now that we're divorced.

I guess the bottom line is to make a new committment to eachother and your children. The parents might not be together, but you're always going to be a family. In some strange way, my ex and I are still "together", although we don't share a home, a bed, or a bank account.

Keep it together, as best as possible for the happiest, healthiest kids possible.

Good Luck to you.!

Answer 2

From personal experience. It all depends on how you both proceed with the break-up. It will be painful for all involved, but try to keep it calm for the children. When you try to play dirty is when it is most damaging to a child. For instance, my fathers lawyer was a downright DIRTY player, this caused many problems in the sense he advised my father to USE us as weapons...you can only tell a child that one of the parents is crazy so many times before the child believes it, no child wants a "crazy" parent. It wasnt that the parent was "crazy", but simply depressed.
Play nice, and the pain can be dealt with, play dirty the pain will remain forever within the children.

Answer 3

The parents need to be in agreement that they will both act like civilized mature adults and even though the relationship did not work out for them, they will both do their very best to not involve the kids and make things as easy as possible.

Answer 4

Impossible to do the kids were born with two people in their lives and expect that situation to be there stable for them .When we separate and I know some times separation is best,but when the separation happens the kids don't understand why you can't work it out,They are thrown off balance because their stability is lopsided now and this is the first real change that has effected them.

Answer 5

Both parents need to let the children know,that just because you won't be living together anymore, that you both love them and will always be there for them. Children always feel hurt when parents seperate,but if they see that the parents can still be civil and kind to each other(even if only for the sake of the children) it helps.They need to just know that they are loved by both and that isn't going to change.

Answer 6

It's not always about the kids. And besides if your kids get hurt then they are wimps. You need to let them experience life and by life I mean pain, hurt, gaining weight and then losing weight, staying up all night and thinking about why my mom and dad don't love me and they broke up because I spilled the green peas on the carpet. Yeah, good parenting.

Answer 7

You cant. Kids want and need both parents. They dont care about what you two grown-ups want ,they just want mommy and daddy when they want them and that is everyday. Not one Mon-Fri and the other on the weekend. They wont forget it, never . I didn't.

Answer 8

Read this thoroughly before you decided to get separated for the sake of kids. Hope it will helps you to find a better way.

Answer 9

dont ***** (female dog) each other to the kids in years to come.

your mom/dad did this and that in 2003.
But mom/dad i was born in 2005!!!!!!!!

Kids need someone to take care of them and solve their problems.

Divorced (and married) parents sometimes discuss their marital problems with their kids. Thats confusing and makes kids feel insecure.

Answer 10

make them understand its for u. You need to be ahppy and it wasnt withtey other person. but you love them and it wsnt them. Make sure that they feel welcome whereever the other person goes. make time for them. they will need more support from both of u. dont cutthe other person down to the kids. it makes them feel like they are in teh middle. dont make it an unhappy time. stay focused on good thoughts and only happiness can surround u. Dont be childish and think before u do, even if teh other person is doing stuff to hurt u. they need adults in their lives. so be one.