DO You sometimes feel like a FOOL for taking your spouse back when EVERYONE KNOWS that he/she HAD AN AFFAIR?

Question

In my case, it was with a neighbor, so everyone in the neighborhood knows that he had an affair and with whom. If you don't feel foolish, how did you deal with that. I am taking him back ( if two months of marriage counseling goes well, my condition) because I have three small kids, under 8. Was it worth it? Were you humiliated?

Answer 1

Fool me once it's their fault, fool me twice it's my fault.
I never gave my cheating ex a second chance. Now you know why.

Answer 2

You cant think of yourself as a fool but someone who is in love aqnd made promises through thick and thin. THis of coarse doesnt give him the right to do what he did. He didnt hold up to his end. I also have 4 kids all 5 and under. I know how hard it is. I took my cheater back and let me tell you after 8 years I never thoght he would ever cheat on me. W had our problems but over all we were really close. When I took him back he ened up cheated again with t he same person. I cant even begin to describe to you the way it felt. The first time was horible BUT the 2nd time they do it is even worse. Cuz u gave them all of you again and he just killed it. That lady has a lot of never but she will have to live with what she did. I suggest moving for your marriage and your sanity. The problems will follow though. Follow your heart and listen to what your head tells you also. I never really did deal witht he pain. Like you this girl was well known and everyone knew. So I feel you. So in my case no it was not worth it and yes honestly I still love him very much. Not a day goes by that I dont want to run back to him but then I remember what happen. I deserved better and so do you. good luck. If u ever need to talk you can e-mail me

Answer 3

How will you feel if after the counseling the two of you have a stronger marriage than before?The fact that you are making an effort to hold onto your marriage is nothing to be ashamed of even if the marriage fails you must feel good because you tried.Those people have experienced similar situations and gotten through.Maybe the whole neighborhood knew,maybe they didn't but that's something you have decided to go through.Those same people are watching to see what the outcome will be and will admire your courage for many of us have had to face these situations in front of friends and family.Do what you want to do to save your marriage and if it doesn't work then at least your kids will know their mother tried and wouldn't take things lying down.

Answer 4

Don't take him back. You are making the excuse that you have three kids under 8, so what? Those kids will be better off without the drama that is going to insue due to this affair. They will still see their dad and you can get child support, so why stay? I personally don't know how I would handle the sheer humiliation of the whole neighborhood knowing and also knowing that she is still there, I would have no trust.
I hope you don't set yourself up for further dissapointment and humilitation.

Answer 5

when my ex left to be with her, it hurt me alot, but i was OK with it and had accepted it, until he came back into our neighborhood with the other woman, and visited some neighbors, and all of a sudden i felt this humiliation and knew that everyone knew about it. personally i would have a hard time with this, being that the neighbors all knew, i would not feel comfortable living there anymore. but i can also see your point with 3 small children. fortunately we had no kids and i chose to divorce him. but divorce is not the only answer, if he is remorseful and sorry and has accepted responsibility for the hurt and disrespect he did to u, it is worth saving. but in time the gossip will stop and life should get back to normal, but i would feel very uncomfortable seeing the other woman on a daily basis.

Answer 6

Yes, I feel like a fool everyday. He had an affair with a co worker and we always partied with his co workers and their wives. All of his co workers knew what was going on. They all even played an awful trick on me to throw me off. We were all making plans to go out one night, and his buddies told his GF that "Joe" will be out tonight with his wife and we need to think of a plan to play it cool and throw her off. So, they had one of the other co workers hit on her all night long to make it look like they were together. My husband was in on it, too, and even pointed that out to me. I say this, because by that time, I was on to him, just didnt know for sure. My husband even introduced me to her, and allowed me to shake her hand, and did all of that in front of his co workers. Did i look like the fool, or what? I am staying in my marriage, much for the same reason you are, small kids. I do still love him, and am hoping that my reasons for staying turn into the right reasons someday and soon. I think the thing that helps the most with the humiliation is that he only has to work these people 2 days a month, his job has in different offices.

Answer 7

YOU are doing what you HAVE to do for the sake of your family. If you know your hubby loves you and did something stupid, then YOU need to make an honest effort to forgive him. No one says you can't feel hurt, or ignorant or ashamed, but you shouldn't be the one feeling humiliated- HE SHOULD. If he doesn't, he may not be truly sorry...Just sorry he got caught.

People are going to beat you up and tell you you should leave him, but this is your decision, and God didn't make us perfect- he made us sinners. That is why, if we ask, he will forgive- and he wants us to forgive each other too.

Answer 8

I felt (and still do) like an idiot.

I was the last to know, and it hurt so much that no one would tell me because they didn't want me to get hurt more than I already was. I know now that his family (mom, sister, nieces (16) and a few cousins) were only trying to protect me, but that made the pain that much worse when I realized that they knew about it.

What he screwed around on me with was even more devastating. She is a 40 year old whore, paid whore, that he met in some sewer while she was selling him crack. Her name is "Bambi", but they called her Blondie and she cooked for him. He spent more than $25K on her, and when he was out of money, she stole his new car and he refused to file charges. He went back to the whore after that and is with her now. He lived with her for a week in MY house (still under construction), a house that I have NEVER stayed in. I went out to check on things one day and found her cigarette ashes (We do not smoke) all over the counters, her clothes everywhere. I wanted to cry at the condition my beautiful new house was in. They were pulled over during one of these "instances" and the police found my children's things (he actually had our children around her) and threatened to call CPS, because he let her use MY name, so they would not call me to come and get his car. She is only 40 and looks 60. I am 30 and look 22.

Yes, I was humiliated, still am. Thank God my kids (5 & 3) were only around her twice. God knows what could of happened to them.

I took him back because it was the FIRST time, and everyone deserves a second chance.

As soon as I get things straightened around financially, he is gone for good.

I still love him, but it is to the point that I do not recognize him any more.

Feel free to email me if you want to talk.

Answer 9

Don't get back with him just because you have kids together. Get back with him because you have faith and love for him that you can have a strong relationship. The kids being there is not going to save a dishonest relationship. If it is worth it to you to make things work and he is willing to be honest with you and not do this again then that is your call to make.

Answer 10

Only 1 time. That gave them a free pass.never again would i do it again.1 time an out.You will never trust him again,it's over to much drama.You may forgive but never forget. Sorry read these sites there are hundreds of cheater story's. Just my thought

Answer 11

You HAVE to stop worrying about what people think. Do what you think is best for you and your family. Nothing else matters. Hold your head high and know that you're fighting to keep your family intact. That's a very honorable and courageous thing to do.