Scared to have kids…help!?

Question

I’m in my second marriage and we have 3 kids between us from previous relationships. My wife wants another kid even though it hasn’t been easy for us to blend families. I do to sometimes but because of some of the fights we’ve had I’m really scared sometimes of having a kid with her. My first wife screwed me and continues to try to ruin my life because I had kids with her. I’m scared my second will do the same. It’s like I want a 100% guarantee she won’t leave me and I’ll be stuck paying tons of child support for our kid as well. Then my life will pretty much be over paying two mothers child support. How do I get rid of this feeling and trust that my wife won’t do what my first wife did? Am I being to cautious? I wasn’t with my first wife but now I know how screwed up the legal system is and how bad I can get screwed.

Answer 1

Your supposed to have kids because you want them and you will love them no matter what. You cant base your decsion to have kids on if your wife will leave you, screw you and the kids will cost you money. Do all a favor. Tell her you dont want kids. I wouldnt want my Dad basing his decision to have me on whether or not I will be a burden later. Are you kidding me. You dont deserve kids. Do you know how many people out there cant have kids and are saddened everday, and you base YOUR decision to have kids on money. Please. The only injustice here is that someone like you can have children, and people who want kids cannot have them... So sad.

Answer 2

Hi. I'm a big believer that, if you have the choice (pregnancies as we know can be 'surprises'), both partners should be 100% ready and in total agreement with having another child. You both need to think about what kind of environment this child would be coming into. If one of you resents the child after he/she is born, or there is fighting going on, how good of a family life would that be for this new child? And have you asked your current wife why she wants another child at this point? Maybe she's feeling that maternal longing again to be a mother, or maybe she really wants a child with you because she loves you and for all the right reasons. Learning her thought process could be a real eye-opener for you.

I would have an open and honest conversation with your wife, without the kids and at a time when you are not fighting, and discuss the issue of having another child. Express your fears, tell her you are not totally against the idea (if you're not), and suggest the family get some counseling first to make sure this child would be coming into a stable and loving family. It sounds like you have alot of unresolved trust issues largely due to what happened with your ex, so before you guys talk about having more kids I would definitely get some family counseling to work these out. Both of your kids can benefit from this, too, as I'm sure blending families has not been easy for them. Good luck to you and your family!

Answer 3

There is no guarnatee but I do believe that once in a marriage that the way you should think is that it is forever because THAT is the plan. It isn't that you get married and watch your back and wonder if you will be together later.
Do not have another baby unless you truly are ready and want another baby and that IF you were to split up you were willing to handle the consequences otherwise if you did split you might blame the child.
Really you shouldn't be feeling that way in your marriage. A blended family defiantely takes time but for the two right people it will happen because they will work on it and make it work. Nothing every comes easy and you must work hard for al lthe good things.

Answer 4

I think you are right to be cautious about having more kids. The kids you should be concerned about are the ones you already have. You said that blending families hasn't been easy, so I'm sure your three kids are feeling the same way. Adding a baby to that situation is only going to cause tension and jealousy between your kids. The fact that this is a second marriage, with kids involved puts it on shaky ground from the very beginning. You are smart to be cautious.

Answer 5

You aren't ready to have another child; and nothing is guaranteed, except that none of us leave here alive; but with that said, if you are still having blending issues, another child is not going to fix that. Until you fix the issues you already have and build trust within your marriage, it would be a big mistake to bring another child into the world.

Answer 6

If you want to up the chances that she won't leave you then you have to continue to show her that she's the one person for you. Keep up the activities that got you two to fall in love and continue with wooing her for the rest of your lives together. If she loves you, she'll respond in kind and woo you right back. As long as you both believe you're the best thing in each other's lives you'll feel safe.

Answer 7

Get it snipped or keep it in your pants then mate-why do you want any more than three kids?-cos you'll end up giving up work and I'll have to pay for yet some other ****** kids!!
You have control over this-so don't play the victim.Women who get pregnant or men and women who catch STD's,have ignored the controls required by the risk assessment of their actions.
Accept the potential consequences or don't do it-simple as that!!

Answer 8

If you think about having kids as a financial liability, then don't. Children are human beings that need to be supported, fed, clothed and entertained.

Answer 9

Once beaten, twice shay. Trust your feelings.

Answer 10

oh