He still wants to be a part of her life going out with her, holidays and she has to pay exactly half of everything ( except his house). And still continues to sleep with her. She is happy to go along with this as she is not sure what her long terms are..but still loves him though. He also has told her that he can go out with who he likes as she was abit demanding with his time..
Where does she stand, or where does he stand? How can they both be ok about it, or are they having me on?
2007-03-01 01:36:44 · 14 answers · asked by Sani 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
It's their business not yours. If your daughter is willing to be the "other woman" the one he goes to when no one else is available, and she's fine paying half the bills and putting up with him, then that's her business. All you can do is make sure she knows she has another place to live and let her make her choices.
2007-03-01 01:41:12 · answer #1 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I have been in that situation as well...after having been with my boyfriend for a year we moved in together. then he started acting differently because he was more secure ... more "in control" of the situation..i went along with this s...tuff for a month...he was doing the same things you described...we had long serious discussions about his behavior but he didn't change a thing...i left..in 2 weeks he was back on track nice and loving, having given up dating other girls..and it's been ...a year and a half since that phase and we are still together.
So.. your daughter is being used. or at least treated as a possession. she is on hid "domain" so she is now just part of the environment.
my mum used to say " not too often is better" and i strongly agree.
and i believe your daughter is in her early 20s so she is undergoing major changes in personality. it's like she is shaping herself after this guy's wants and needs. or he doesn't like her trying to adapt all that much. there must be a difference between her at the beginning of the relationship and her now.
when you are with someone, you discover that person little by little, but when you see the whole thing, no mystery no nothing you get bored. just like listening to the same song over and over again. you feel the need for something new. so that's what her guy is doing, looking for a change. he's got a warm stabile home and a loving girlfriend to come home to. why not explore, risk... too much security is damaging.
he needs to be shaken a little to be shown he is not in control and the relationship is based on equality not domination and superiority.
i say you should recommend her moving out at least for a couple of weeks, to see how the relationship evolves. she may grow too dependent. and if he is dating other women...why hang around? can she settle for something so appalling? where is the pride?
she likes him too much to admit there is something wrong. and he doesn't value her enough at the moment. he is taking it all for granted. like an old toy you play with once in a while and still wanting new toys better.
ask her too see how distance affects their relationship. i bet he is giving her the "take it or leave it" bit. she should value herself more. try to make her own rules and not stick to his.
is she worth only the money she pays for staying there? i do not think so.
the problem might be understanding her value as a person too late....
and another thing...she might be staying there just because staying elsewhere would cost too much ...and she might not want to accept defeat and not making it on her own all that well...
2007-03-01 10:13:32 · answer #2 · answered by Madeline 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly why shouldn't she pay half of everything??? Nothing weird there.
And he should be able to go out with who he likes (as long as not other girls in a date way), and so should she!
What would be wrong is if he was being a complete c*ck and nasty to her. It seems to me that he is creating boundaries to their relationship, and even though his attitude may seem off, at least he is being honest.
It also sounds like he does have feelings for her, why would he bother going on holidays etc with her if he didn't.
I don't think you should worry too much. I'd be more concerned if a daughter of mine was with a bloke who paid for everything and she didn't learn to stand on her own two feet....
2007-03-01 11:08:21 · answer #3 · answered by kezls_79 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She stands at being used and paying for it. He stands as having his cake and eating it too. He has someone to lay every night, when he isn't laying other women that is, she takes care of half of the finances, he even has the money to wine and dine his other women. Is your daughter goofy? What self respecting woman would put them selves in a situation like that. He's not coming back to her. Tell her that. She is the only one who is getting hurt. She's probably thinking that this is a way to get him back when really it is only a way to have her heart further broken.
2007-03-01 10:05:36 · answer #4 · answered by bellbottombleus 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as if she's not listening to him, and he's not being realistic. How does he expect to be able to bring someone else home? Or even go out with someone - how will he explain the situation to a new g/f? Sounds like this guy wants to have his cake & eat it. Your poor daughter will get a shock in the not-too-distant future!
Best try to tactfully explain to her that he's no longer committed to her & wants to 'play the field', and that she should dump him & find somewhere else to live. Unless her name is on the house deeds it doesn't look as if she has any claim on it, but maybe she should consult a solicitor.
2007-03-01 09:47:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your daughter is happy to be a used woman then it's her choice and her life. I think she should move on and forget the guy myself - she should make her head rule her heart, not the other way around. What sort of things would he be bringing home to her if he dates different women. I'd try and talk her out of it - but let her do what she feels is ok for her.
2007-03-01 18:33:49 · answer #6 · answered by Curious39 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your dauger is crazy! she should not ccontinue doing it. What if he meets another girl and wants her to move it or sleep over. That is going to hurt her some way or another. What if she meets a guy she likes. wouldn't she have an uneasy feeling about bringing him over.
She should make up her mind what her long terms plans are going to be.
I hate to say it. from what you say, she is going to be a live-in p***y.
2007-03-01 09:47:01 · answer #7 · answered by Plus Size Panther! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like she is being used.
He dont want her to pay for half the house, so that when he wants to get rid of her
she and not he will be left with nothing.
2007-03-01 09:41:36 · answer #8 · answered by magic 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's having his cake and eating it - sex, money, good company. She's going along with it because she loves him and probably wants him back, even if she doesn't realise it. In the end - she's going to get hurt :(
2007-03-01 14:28:43 · answer #9 · answered by keeley 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she wants to settle for that I suppose its up to her. Not sure I could put up with that though, he sounds as though hes having his cake and eating it and shes letting him!
2007-03-01 09:41:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋