Married people, got a question?

Question

This question is for married individuals or individuals in a serious relationship. My husband & I have always got along very well. We rarely fought and communicated well with each other. Recently, a female co-worker called his cell phone and he refused to answer it saying it was one of his male friends. The female co-worker called back again and he still didn't answer. I became suspicious and asked him why he's not answering the phone and he had a guilty look on his face. He later admitted that it was a female co-worker. I became upset because he lied to me the 1st time. I am hurt because I thought I could trust him and we had a wonderful relationship (at least that's what I thought). He has been begging me to forgive him and is very apologetic about the situation but I am having an issue now with trust. We have never been through anything like this. For married individuals, how do one gain trust in the marriage again if you want the marriage to work?

Answer 1

You may have nipped this one in the bud. Just start asking him why he felt the need to give out his personal cell # to another woman. Guilt the hell out of him. Tell him that you have lost faith in him...but, you are relieved that he was EVENTUALLY honest. Ask him if this marriage is what he really wants.
P.S. In case you don't know...there will be times when he or you find yourselves attracted to other people. It can be surprising, because alot of people think that if you love your spouse those feelings will never come up again. Well it happens. Talk about a what one another should do if they find someone else attractive...without risking the relationship.

Answer 2

Maybe YOU should answer his phone the next time it rings; and if she hangs up, CALL HER BACK and confront her.

The trust issue is something you'll have to work through and it's probably going to take some counseling; if he lied to you once, he'll do it again. He could call her and set her straight while you're standing there, then give her a "I had to do that" story once he sees her at work.

btw - I had a much younger male friend / co-worker that I gave my phone number to a few years ago - but NOT without telling my husband! My husband met him, we all went out once, etc. This particular guy had expressed an interest in my oldest daughter, and I was excited about that because this guy was a HUGE step up from the physically abusive, drug dealing jerk she had been seeing! Things didn't work out for them the way I'd hoped, but he & I became good friends. However, out of respect for my husband (he wasn't comfortable with the idea of me having a young guy as a best friend), we've limited our communication with one another. We haven't worked together for almost 4 years, but we still keep in touch from time to time - but I ALWAYS tell my husband when I've heard from him, and if it's via e-mail, I show the e-mail to my husband. I have nothing to hide - and I'm sorry, but if your husband has nothing to hide, he would've answered the phone.
My prayers are with you.

Answer 3

Suspicion can be the downfall of any marriage. Be sure he has had an affair before accusing him of anything other than being bothered by an enamored female co-worker. Ask him why did he give her his phone number, maybe for business reasons but be sure. Even if he has had an affair, talk it out thoroughly and trust your instincts as to a determination of his sincerity in being truthful and the future. Do not throw away a good marriage over an incident that can be repaired through time and eventual healing. Give it a good second chance to work on a revised basis of trust between you both.

Answer 4

First of all I feel for you, cause I am on the same situation. Your husband lied to you and yes you know that his hiding something from you after all this years. How to trust him back will be a bit tricky, sit him and ask him if his seeing this woman, and you can tell if he will denied it by not looking at you in the eye. And you will also sense it if his telling the truth. If what you want to know is answered,then ask yourself,for everything that the two of you had and been together,and if the two of you really love each others,tell him that it will take you a little while to trust him again and tell him that he needs to show you that what he did will not happen again or else. Love will be a bit stronger than anything else...............just tell him...

Answer 5

To me trust is one of the most important ingredients in a marriage. Once that is broken is not easy to gain back. I understand you completely. If she is just a co-worker how did she get his cell-phone number? Why did he lie? Is there more to the story than you are aware of? These would be questions that I would have in my mind. My opinion the both of you need to have a heart to heart talk and see if you can't get to the bottom of this? Maybe even marriage counseling is a good route to take. Good luck to you. I hope you can work all of this out.

Answer 6

I don't think he's cheating...He flat out told you and I think you should be grateful for that compared to what everyone else goes through. He knows what he did wrong. If something like this happens again, then I'd be concerned. You might want to tell him to pick up the phone the next time she calls, and have him tell her that he's happily married and doesn't want a relationship besides a professional relationship since they do have to work together. Make sure you're in the room though when this happens. Good luck!

Answer 7

He could just have a friendship with the female co-worker in all honesty. But, since he cares for you deeply he immediately felt uncomfortable about this person calling him outside of work. (Which she should not have done) If I was your man I would speak in some pretty harsh tones to this person when I got to work the next day. Dont get me wrong maybe you caught him with his had in the cookie jar but dont automatically go there. Look elsewhere in the relationship to see if things are truly hunky dory. If he is a good man and a loving husband try and work your way past it.

Answer 8

I'd start off with (calmly if possible) asking him some questions:
Who is this woman and why is she calling you?
How did she get your cell phone number?
If he has reasonable answers- she was working late and needed some info only he could provide, or whatever, then I'd take the phone calls at face value if his explanations seem valid.
You have every right to be hurt that he lied to you- he could have easily said "it's Linda from the office- she needs to confirm XXX with me" but for whatever reason he felt the need to lie. Talk about that too- are your feelings easily hurt? That's not your fault of course, but perhaps he was trying to "spare" your feelings and sidestep what he thought was an innocent issue.
Good luck.

Answer 9

Once the trust is gone forget it, I have delt with this now for a few years, once a cheat always a cheat to me, Honey find some one WHO really loves you. I am in the process now of working my way out of mine... Im 52 and I know more than likely now Ill forever be alone but alone is better than living with some one I can never again trust.... its not you its them, dont let some ones mistakes bring you down

Answer 10

Honestly its going to take time. It depends on if your husband starts behaving properly again too. It seems kind of weird he wouldn't let on he was talking to a woman. I would be upset about more then lying personally. I would be curious if he was thinking about more. But fights and issues come up in marriages and they help to strengthen your marriage. So communicate with your husband and try to get him to do the same and in time the problems should work out.