we have done everything anf tells me she is unhappy so i asked her if i ever have a chance to be with her and she said "not now, i cant say 3 months, 6 months, a year down the road i just have to give him a chance" i really have fallen for her and it hurts every night but when i see her its like everything is ok, how long should i wait, i dont want to seem like a hound because we have already had this discussion. i just dont know if she will ever leave him.
2007-03-01 01:13:40 · 24 answers · asked by joe 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The trick here is that the "winner" of this situation is the one who quits first. You love her, you can't "undo" that. And she might even love you... but you can't weigh that into your decisions.
Here's the deal though... if you and this woman are going to be together in the future, you have to give up on hopes of a relationship with her. She's married, she doesn't know what she wants. She might be miserable in her marriage, and in heaven when she's with you - that doesn't mean she's going to leave her husband... (trust me). Even if she makes up her mind to leave him, going through a divorce is one of the hardest things a woman can encounter, and it will test every ounce of her resolve. There will be so many times that she will feel that it would be less of a toll to stay together with her husband even if she isn't happy with him.
Additionally if/when she really does leave her husband, you dont want to be the one who jumps into a romantic relationship with her first. In most cases the first relationship after leaving a serious relationship does not last - and you dont want to be that one. She's going to want (and NEED) to find herself again, to evaluate what qualities in a man are important to her, and to value having a man in her life again - for more than just comforting her lonliness.
My advice... be her friend (if you can without torturing yourself), and move on. If she ever really does leave her husband, and she's actively dating (more than one person) you can include yourself in that mix, and perhaps she'll choose you as standing out amongst the rest. The last thing you want is for her to just jump to being with you because of your history together - and then a few years down the road (or more) figure out that you were picked just because of the sense of familiarity she craved.
In either event - you have no guarantees that day is ever going to come, so you have to keep looking for your Mrs. Right. Maybe she's not really the "one" for you - and you're missing finding your soul mate while waiting for this tangled web to unweave itself. It's obvious she's not the "one" for you right now - or the situation would be coming together more favorably.
Been_There_Done_That
Misty
2007-03-01 01:40:51 · answer #1 · answered by Misty V 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know its not easy to hear this....but you should move on. It was fun while it lasted any feelings you have for her will fade away and you will find someone meant especially for you. That is willing to stand by your side. The first step to moving on is to stop seeing her you're just delaying the obivious. She is not leaving her husband, just wants to give him a chance which means she still loves him and she would rather be with him. She is doing enough to keep you there in case she needs you when things don't go her way with her husband. You are the shoulder she can cry on. If I were you I would be feeling used right now, you deserve better than this. It makes me think you are young, open up your eyes there are many possibilities out there go get them quit wasting your time on this. If she happens to leave her husband then she will come looking for you and if you happen to be single then maybe then things can move further but as of right now its not the right time. If its meant to be it will happen trust me. I think deep down you know she isn't the "One." This is an experience for you to learn from and become a better man.
2007-03-01 09:54:19 · answer #2 · answered by ilisalec 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel your pain....I'm in the same situation. While she is crazy about me, I still find it unlikely that she will leave anytime soon. If she is telling you that she isn't ready to leave then she is DEFINITLY not going to leave. You, and probably me are just filling in that emotional, and physical void. I say screw the husband. Why is she cheating in the first place? He should be nicer to his wife.
Make it clear to her that you won't sit around and be the second man. I say start dating someone else. She will probably get very upset. Play the game if you want to test her. So many people are giving you the "married and stay away" argument; thats bull. I say there is no black or white....just a series of grays in life. Divorce rates are like 50% in America. Married sacred anymore.....maybe to some.
Think about what it would take for her to leave him. A messy divorse or not, that takes time. What about how her family would react? How about yours? Does she have children? Leaving her husband isn't a walk in the park. She would have to think the world of you to end her marriage without trying to make it work with her husband. Good luck.
2007-03-01 09:46:06 · answer #3 · answered by doppelbock23 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your problem is a bit off right now,because if you fall for this married woman,why in a world you gave yourself to her. Man/woman who are married will make lots of excuse to try something that will excite them,and that will be affairs or call it adultery. if your single you have your life ahead of you,maybe your feelings is only infatuation because she's married and maybe she knows a few things in bed?? Just think about it,most single person do go for married people because of their experience,just like high school or college kids,they rather prepare older people to have their first experience in bed.
Your case is as similar as others, don't be a fool, if this woman wants to leave her husband,she will ask for divorce,but her excuse are giving him another chance,so theres the big picture for you, she wants to keep you on the side while she's having her perfect life that she wanted with her husband. Get out before you really fall for her, theres a lot single woman out there for you to focus on,.don't let her ruin your life ok!!....good luck
2007-03-01 09:36:47 · answer #4 · answered by islandgirl06 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why are you trying to get with a married woman? There are 3 billion women in the world, absolutely no excuse!
You should NOT wait and find someone who is single! But let's say you DO wait and she gets with you. How do you know she's not gonna leave YOU like she did her husband?
Besides, do you REALLY want her husband's sloppy seconds? Think about it...
2007-03-01 09:45:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What part of this don't you understand??? Stop being a whining ninny and move on with your life. You should know by now that being involved with a married person NEVER works out!! Stay away from her....leave her alone and do positive things in your life instead of chasing after a married woman.....you reap what you sow, pal!
2007-03-01 09:19:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Chances are that if she would leave him (for you) it's not to say that later down the road someone else would come along and she would do the same to you. She needs to deal with her feelings and you need to give her the space and time to do it.Just back off for awhile ,see what happens and where things go.
2007-03-01 10:15:58 · answer #7 · answered by happyfingers1@verizon.net 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's a filthy whore, why the hell would you want to be with a gal that's married, and possibly has kids? Do you honestly believe that she will be faithful to you if she does leave? Leave her alone. Quit answering her calls, and quit calling her. You're a homewrecker, and yes, it does take two, but you need to walk away and find someone else that's single!!! What were you thinking?!?!
2007-03-01 09:29:15 · answer #8 · answered by SillyKimmie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Find a single girl. This woman is married. You deserve better.
She is just screwing around with you because she is unhappy at the moment. She will never leave it rarely happens. Find someone to share your time with that's unattached.
2007-03-01 12:03:11 · answer #9 · answered by jjeano661 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If we could dictate to our hearts who we fall in love with, life would be sooo much easier!
This woman is doing the right thing in trying to save her marriage so therefore, the best thing you can do is to move on and find someone who is available.
You said yourself, she may never leave him so, why put your life on hold for someone who doesn't belong to you? You could very well be missing out on the woman who is truly your soul-mate.
2007-03-01 09:26:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋