I have tried to get over it, but I just can't get over the fact that my hubby has an msn list with about 40 women on it, whom he claims are all coworkers or aquaintances. I have met I think one of them. Who told me a few moment ago, that he was on last night and she congradulated me about stuff in our life.
It's driving me batty. He won't stop talkign to them. He says they don't email him, when they do, because I have seen the emails. It's not so much the fact that he talks to them, because he is in the house all the time, when he is not at work, its that he tries to hide it, and then I find out about it and feel deceived.
What should I do. I am losing my mind with it. I am sick of goign out and havign women say Hello... he has no male friends.. .this can't be normal. I am ready to call off the whole relationship because of this.
2007-03-01 00:52:03 · 13 answers · asked by Java Queen 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't know who these people are, in fact I don't even know if they know that I exist.
2007-03-01 00:53:20 · update #1
might be time for you to turn the page in your life and start a new chapter ,,,, It's not wise or fair of him at all to be doing this especially if he knows it bothers you ,,,,, If he truly loved you the way he should he'd be bending over backwards to prove it to you and do everything in his power to make you feel special to him and loved ,,,, He's getting his kick with verbal bantering with these women who probably wouldn't touch him with a 10 foot pole if they ever met him ,,,,, He's a jerk ,,,,, You don't need this kind of crap and you don't need him ,,,,,, Apparently he doesn't need you either with all of his computer girlfriends ,,,,, In a way he's cheating on you doing this sort of thing ,,,,,, There are allot of fish in the pond so to speak ,,,,, Time to go fishing ,,,,, find some one who is fun and exciting and doesn't sit around punching keys on a computer all day looking for a mental rush ,,,,, They are out there ,,,, all you have to do is find one ,,,,,, some of them even come trouble and problem free ,,,, You appear to be a smart person so I'm sure you recognize the fact that the choice is yours and I think you'll eventually recognize the fact that you are going to have to make a decision sooner or later ,,,, Good luck ,,,,, Good post ,,,, You gotta star from me ,,,,,Yoda told you this
2007-03-01 01:08:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I did have this same dilema.First,theres a respect and honesty issue on their part.Once they know it bothers you,and there is no compromise to come to a mutual agreement, it infriges on violating respect.I did discover that my husband didn't always tell the truth about this activity because "he is sick of having it be an issue".So,I used to feel "Well, hello don't do it then>"I tried many tactics,just as you have probably been doing to no avail.One day I packed my things and showed him how serious I was.He got the picture and I told him if he wanted to relapse that whatever contact he has with females in the same context I will have that with males online,is that the relationship you want?Cuz otherwise I'm out.Don't completely restrict him,we have no right for total control,but let him make a choice.Wether its the whats -good -for- you- is -good- for -me or stay / go leave the ball in his court.If he refuses to budge,he is saying this activity is more important than how you feel,and the foundation of trust and respect.
2007-03-01 09:26:13 · answer #2 · answered by Tanya D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's not for you. Think about it. He's a liar. He's a cheater. He's a womanizer. Just because he's sitting in front of a computer doing it, doesn't mean it isn't happening ---it's the same thing as him going out to the bar picking up strange women. It's the fact that he's not being faithful to you, and believe me, it doesn't have to have anything to do with what he does with his body. Faithfulness is all in the mind ---he's having these fantasies and one day he's going to act on them. Either get him to change (it's never going to happen, you can't change the spots on a leopard) or get rid of him before you spend years of your life wasted in heartache and pain. Believe me, there is a guy out there happy to have you (and only you) --you'll find him, but not if you are spending most of your time worried about how this loser is going to hurt you the next time. It's serial behavior and will not change. Sorry, but I wish someone would have spoken bluntly to me years ago, it would have saved me a lot of heartache.
2007-03-01 09:00:51 · answer #3 · answered by XOXOXOXO 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like there are several issues about your relationship that are causing you some discomfort. The truth is, that if everything else was hunky-dory, you wouldn't be checking his e-mail to begin with, so there is obviously some trust issues there. Don't misread me - I am not saying your fears are unjustified nor am I saying that you are in error - but I am saying that it sounds to me like you have been searching for an excuse to tell him to get out of your life, and have discovered one - or are making a mountain out of a molehill because you had already decided not to be with this guy but were looking for an easy reason to be rid of him.
2007-03-01 11:20:02 · answer #4 · answered by David K (The Real One!) 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To be honest I would explain everything to him like u just did here. Give him an ultimatum and he doesn't comply let him know that you are leaving and getting out of the relationship. I'm sure your better than that and you shouldn't have to compete with his computer buddy's.
2007-03-01 09:03:57 · answer #5 · answered by step b 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dont blame you even though he may not be physically cheating on you he is emotionally!!!! If there is nothing going on between him and these women then why does he feel the need to hide it from you!!!!! Tell him how it makes you feel and if that does not stop him get out !!!!! Sooner or later he probably will go to the physical cheating!!
2007-03-01 08:59:26 · answer #6 · answered by HOT 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Obviously, you need to end this relationship. Find someone that appreciates you-- and you only, not 40 other women on the computer! You deserve so much better than this, hon.
2007-03-01 08:57:50 · answer #7 · answered by loveangel22 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
My husband has a few too, and I started talking to them also. They are not talking to him for the same reasons HE is. He`s just venting. As long as their willing to talk to me too, I have no problem with it.
2007-03-01 09:02:41 · answer #8 · answered by MISTY 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hes'a liar, and a cheat....kick him to the curb! Either the women go...completely, or you go! Good Luck!!
2007-03-01 08:57:53 · answer #9 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Go in and delete messenger off of your computer. If he throws a fit, then he's busted!!
2007-03-01 08:59:52 · answer #10 · answered by K.W. 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋