Help! How do you deal with someone who cant communicate properly?

Question

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and there is an ongoing problem. He does not communicate his feelings, he keeps them to himself and gets really snappy or annoyed with me for no reason. So if he's shitty about something he takes it out on me, not physically or anything more emotionally. This really frustrates me because my father used to do it to me, so its like im conditioned to it, I know I need to hold my ground but sometimes I forget and take it as my fault. so if I havent done anything wrong and he snaps at me for no reason I just take it because I assume I've have done something wrong but I really havent. Its soo frustrating I dont need this in my life. Apart from this hes really a great guy. I want this to stop, but in your opinion will it ever change?

Answer 1

He can change if he wants to change. About all it takes is teaching oneself to notice behaviors and then to use introspection to determine the source of the feelings.

The person you can change is you. Assuming that you are not often doing wrong things, I think you should tell your husband what you have told us here, and then tell him that, since it makes you unhappy, you are going to change how you react to him when he treats you badly. Inform him that from now on, your automatic reaction is going to be, "I didn't do anything wrong, and I did not cause you to feel how you are feeling right now." Once you have had this conversation, stick to it. It will take several days or a week or two to get to the point where defending yourself comes fairly automatically. Then, stick to the technique for 4-6 weeks at least, until you have trained yourself not to accept blame so readily. You'll be happier in the long run for having taught yourself this.

Answer 2

I have realized that most men are like that. My husband is like that and most of our guy friends are like that too. I don't let it bother me unless he takes it out on me. At that point, you need to tell him (without getting mad-because if you do, that is exactly what he wants-a reason to scream and pretty much vent) you have done NOTHING to him to deserve the way he is treating you and that you are there for him whenever he is ready to talk about it. Tell him that he is not alone and you can deal with things together. That's what partnership is for. If you really love him you will try to understand. People go through a lot in life and need some understanding. In my relationship, things have gotten better that way. He is learning to open up WHEN things happen, rather than waiting until it becomes the cherry on top.

Answer 3

Communication issues are a huge problem that can end relationships. Even though you think you're conditioned to it, the fact that you're concerned leads me to believe that eventually you'll find your breaking point over it and will end up leaving him (or he you).

I strongly suggest you find out if he's willing to work on that issue with you and then find a way to search for the solution together, either by going to a 3rd party (therapist), or reading through some self-help books. Because of the way men and women are wired differently, a lot of the time it takes some extra work to get over that communication barrier - it rarely happens on its own.

Good luck to you!

Answer 4

You need to see if he is willing to change a little and become more open and honest and to talk to you about his feelings. Let him know that keeping everything bond up inside only makes matters worse for him and you. Let him know how it makes you feel that he does this to you emotionally and verbally and that if he can not learn to communicate with you instead of blowing up that you deserve better and you will move on with your life.
He has issues with his anger and he might not know any other way then to act like this because he is used to being like this. He needs to learn how to deal with his emotions without the anger ... if he cant do that then move on.

Answer 5

Not really. I dont think that people re-learn the way they communicate. If he cant talk to you, honey, he might not be worth it.

I had the same problem, my father was abusive, and for a while, those were the realtionships i found myself in. It took a while but then i found me a communicative nice guy, and it was worth it.

Answer 6

I know exactly how you feel...My husband does the same thing...You have to assert yourself or it will only get worse....I never did with my husband in the beginning and now I regret it because when I do assert myself it inevitably turns into a fight that could have been avoided if I had never stood for his treatment in the first place...you owe it to yourself and your relationship to open the lines of communication and let your husband know that the way he is treating you is unacceptable....

Answer 7

Most likely it wont change. My spouse is like that and does not talk about feelings - or much of anything. Even if he is upset - doesn't talk - that is a problem now after >15 years

Answer 8

Just bring that relationship to an end...walk out and never look back...don't call or anything because communication is the key in any relationship...

Answer 9

For 3 years you have been his target when he changes moods, and he will never change. I also have been through that one. He has emotional problems and would highly benefit from counseling.

Answer 10

in all hazard she likes you and doesnt decide for to confess it,,, so she needs to be acquaintances and be responsive to greater approximately you yet scared on the comparable time which you will locate out that she likes you.