My sibling was incarcerated for almost a decade,I wrote him the entire time he was in.When he would write me he'd go on about how he's tranformed and changed,how he was a different person.He's been out less than a year and he's basically gone back to being the same guy.He doesn't talk to his daughter,made a big deal about how he was gonna build a relationship with her(she was a few months old when he went in),said he was gonna get a clean job,seems to be always talking about doing something illegal though.Family was happy to see him when he got out ,but we've all started to avoid him because whenever he calls he tries to talk us into doing him an illegal "favor".I'm the only one who contacted him when he was in...but his calls make me uncomfy and I don't believe I'll be answering the phone for him anymore either.It's like we all are watching him walk himself back to jail....It very sad...Does this happen alot with freed inmates? What to do??
2007-02-28 20:48:08 · 9 answers · asked by Direktor 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
He's been given thousands of dollars,helped with jobs(he's quit them),transportation....He seems to be one track minded.
2007-02-28 20:59:15 · update #1
this guy is old enough to make his own mind of what he wants to do and in one answer i read on this, they spoke of rehabilititation, well rehabilitittation is in yourself's head. if they don't want to do wrong, then they won't, but if they do, then they will. you can sit and listen to all the doctors you want to but if you don't want to change, then you won't. but all people that get out of prison isn't like that. i did 10 years and 2 months and i have been out now for 9 years and i have a good job, a new truck and a car that i am restoring. if a person wants work, they can find work. a lot of people that go to prison for a long time get institutionalized and thats all they know, so they do things to get back in there
2007-02-28 21:06:40 · answer #1 · answered by nuckolbuster51 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately this does happen frequently...Think about it...When a person gets out of jail, are they going to be grabbed right up for a good job? They have learned street smarts and how to make money in a bartering manner such as in prison...hard work is not something they have had to do to earn their keep, and basically, no one will hire an ex-con if they have a choice...The future for many inmates on the outside is quite bleak...But for the family to disown him and not try to be some support system is not the right answer either...He knows he has done wrong...and he feels he has paid his debt...Why doesn't the family get together and try to steer him in the right direction....help him get a job, a place to live,,,,something to look forward to...like LOVE...
2007-02-28 20:56:33 · answer #2 · answered by ♥Minnie Mouse♥ 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I'm afraid it happens all too often.
Does he have a probation officer or parole officer or case worker or someone looking out for him at all?? Or did he serve a full sentence?
If he has a probation or parole officer I'd suggest you contact them and tell them you are worried about him and think they need to have a talk. They have good connections with rehab programs designed for prisoners a lot of the time.. If you don't know who they are, you can contact the local parole/probation offices and they will probably tell you who his PO is. And even if he doesn't have a PO that office can put you in touch with people who can help you try to help him.
Hey, does he have any skills?? If so maybe help him get a job? If not maybe the family could help out and put forward a little money to send him to the local community college or BOCES so he could learn some sort of new skill and feel like part of society and a group again..
A lot of times inmates end up falling back to old habits outside simply because they feel unwelcome and have no hope left that they can do anything with their lives..
If he really makes you uncomfortable, yes, stop talking to him. But before you do stop talking -- try to help him. Be straight with him, tell him if he keeps going like he is - he's going to end up back in the big house and you'll take no part in that.. But if he really wants to better himself you're all for helping him. And be clear if you do help, it's on YOUR terms, not his.
You DO have to be willing to really try to help. If you're not then most likely you're right he is doomed.. But if you do decide to help him out --
You could be disappointed by him anyway, but if you take some steps to really help him change his life and come out of the "fog of prison" you'd really help him (and probably his daughter as well).
OKAY to add on.. Don't give him money!! And don't just "help out" getting jobs.. He really needs to learn a new skill. Something to be proud of. Or maybe this has become too much for you and your family..
Again -- PO?
2007-02-28 21:06:05 · answer #3 · answered by Iridescent Leuko 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Very common, and real sad. I think it's mainly because they are lazy, and want to make money fast. Well, that usually means illegal! You and I both know everyone would be doing it, if were that easy to earn lots of money that fast. Than when they get back into prison, they just hang out, and do nothing. It becomes a way of life for most of them. Actually many of them hate to come out, and can't wait to get back in. The only thing I can think of is to talk with them, and stop enabling them all together. Good luck!
2007-02-28 21:01:29 · answer #4 · answered by sue d 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm a former corrections officer and I can tell you from experience that this happens more than you realize. Some will tell you that the best thing to do is cease all contact with your brother. I'm not one of them. Your brother is in serious trouble, he still has a free convict mindset. He needs to read the letters he wrote to you about his reform. Please don't turn your back on him now, this is when he needs his family and friends the most, otherwise, what does he have to lose by going back in? Do not do anything illegal for him, but do show him the letters and get him to go to counseling, go with him if you have to. Good luck to you and your brother, I hope you can help him break a vicious cycle.
2007-02-28 20:57:24 · answer #5 · answered by Steel 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I had a boyfriend when I was in highschool that was headed to prison no matter what. He was always stealing things and breaking into peoples houses and on drugs. He went to prison 3 times, I got married and divorced and then we met again. He (fresh out of the joint) said he was a changed man. No more drugs or criminal behavior. We started seeing each other again and everyone said it was miraculous that we had found each other after all that time. After about 6 months though I saw subtle changes in him. No he wasn't using drugs anymore or doing criminal type things (that I was aware of) but his mind set began slipping. So much so that I finally broke it off with him (I have 2 little girls that needed no part of that). After I broke up with him he lost it and went back to being his old self.
I don't think my breaking up with him caused that either. I think I was what was forcing him to stay straight.
Personally I think, with some people anyway, that going to prison institutionalizes people. They become comfortable being told what to do and when to do it. Being in society seems to much a burdon of personal responsibility for them so risking their freedoms is not so much of a risk. Does that make any sense?
2007-02-28 21:02:05 · answer #6 · answered by hthr_1974 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
YES , WHEN YOURE STUCK IN JAIL OR PRISON FOR SO LONG YOURE TRAINED TO BE GOOD IN THERE OR ELSE SOMETHING WILL HAPPEN IN THERE . BUT ONCE THEYVE BEEN RELEASED AND ENTERS THIS SINFUL WORLD ITS HARD NOT TO GO BACK TO THE BAD. MY UNCLE HAD A REALLY TOUGH TIME ON THIS TYPE OF SITUATION.. HE HAD TO BE IN AND OUT OF PRISON PLENTY OF TIMES TILL HE FINALLY REALIZES ITS TIME TO STOP AND STRAIGHTEN UP. HES BEEN IN PRISON SINCE HIS TEEN YEARS AND HES NOW 56 . SO MY POINT IS ... IT MAY TAKE A WHILE BEFORE THEY CAN STRAIGHTEN UP
2007-02-28 20:59:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO easy answers, hard to break that prison mentality. TRUST NOBODY.Unfortunately prison tends to create "better" criminals since there's no emphasis on rehabilitation. Your sib needs consuling ASAP before he winds up back in.
2007-02-28 20:54:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
unfortunately the 'corrective system' doesn't work on a big percentage of crims. sounds like he is going to be back inside soon. some of them even like it inside
2007-02-28 20:55:56 · answer #9 · answered by defragmentedbrain 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋