When I'm in a crowd or even with just a few people I get really uncomfortable and self conscious. I know I have some insecurity issues, because I haven't had any girl friends for a couple years, so I'm definitely rusty at the whole being social thing. But when I'm with my boyfriend it's like I'm a completely different person! I feel relaxed, confident, witty, and comfortable. Then I get around other people and my brain just freezes up sometimes and I can't think of anything to say and I don't know where to look or how to act. Help?
2007-02-28 20:17:22 · 5 answers · asked by junebug21 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I'm 21 yrs old. I'm in a wierd stage right now in my life because I'm about to graduate from college and need to make some major decisions soon. It's stressing me out, which probably contributes to the feelings I'm talking about.
2007-02-28 20:44:18 · update #1
I used to be the same way. I would feel as though I had to speak and act perfectly around people. I would feel extremely embarassed if I said something dumb. At one point I broke down in front of my shrink, because I felt so uncomfortable and confused. I even felt so inferior that I felt as though I had no one to turn to (including anyone I was close to). Because I felt that if I opened up to someone I would get teased, or receive some response that would cause me to feel even worse.
I was however able to 'overcome' my social anxiety. I say 'overcome' because it hasn't completely subsided yet, but in any case, I will recommend some things that I found improved my situation.
One of the things that helped me 'ovecome' my anxiety was realizing that my fears were absolutely irrational by finding someone to talk to. You can learn so much about yourself by talking with other people. I had a friend who was very understanding of me and wanted to help me. We would have 'sessions' where we would discuss why I felt the way I did, or what caused me to feel that way. I think that in a lot of ways helped me.
So I would recommend talking about your insecurities with your boyfriend, as you made it clear that you're comfortable around him. Your boyfriend could likely help you work through some of your problems. Anyone else your close to and comfortable with can also help you out (family members, relatives) - as long as you have someone to talk to.
It's also important to try some breathing exercises to help you relax when you're about to enter any social situation. The source provided below offers very helpful exercises that manage stress and anxiety. There are also many other sites that offer different exercises.
Also, this one is a bit of a stretch, but it can be quite helpful: Force yourself into being confident. As my friend told me once "it just takes one time, one time being forced into being confident, and you will be for the rest of your life." Throw yourself into a social situation, or have a friend do it for you. Have a close friend take you out with his/her friends to a party, a dance club, any social event. I know it sounds like a bad idea, and that it can only make your situation worse, and you don't have to try it, but believe me it CAN help, as long as you remain persistent.
Also, if you screw up, just laugh! Learn not to overexggerate your screw ups. If you can learn to be as funny and witty as you are with your boyfriend around other people, you would feel much more relaxed in any social situation, and you won't be worried about saying the 'wrong' thing.
Conversely, what I DON'T recommend you do is try to seek professional help. Doctors will likely offer medications, such as prozac, which is generally thought of as being counterproductive. Personally, I don't think shrinks are all that helpful in this case, because believe me, this is something that you can overcome on your own. :0)
2007-02-28 21:52:41 · answer #1 · answered by smiley56 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old are you? Sometimes this feeling depends upon age..There are times in our life when we have so much self doubt that we feel exactly as you have mentioned...You need to start loving yourself...Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are a great person and you wish to be more outgoing...I find I am more outgoing when I am in better mood then when I am sad...If I am sad, I would rather remain quiet and distant...
2007-02-28 20:29:42 · answer #2 · answered by ♥Minnie Mouse♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have the same troubles with groups of people. The best solution I have found is low doses of Zoloft. It takes the edge off social situations. You must get a doctor to prescribe Zoloft. I hope this helps!
2007-02-28 20:23:38 · answer #3 · answered by Linda W 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your brain is programmed wrong . Paul McKenna has a solution.
Search his website.
2007-02-28 21:49:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Get comfortable with yourself. If you're not comfortable with you then you can't be comfortable with anybody.
2007-02-28 20:27:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋