I am 20 and a first time mum. HELP?

Question

i am a first time mum my daughter is 2 months old and im trying to get here into a routine at night, i change her nappy, wrap her up, feed her, burp her then put her down to sleep. and now matter how much she cries or plays i dont go into her. eventually she falls asleep. is this considered cruel?? do you have any tips for me on raising children, anything at all

Answer 1

A 2 month old is too young to be manipulative. She is crying because she needs you. Getting your daughter into a routine will help her fall asleep at her appointed bedtime, but that does not mean you should allow her to cry until she is exhausted. This is equivalent to responding to your car alarm by plugging your ears until the battery dies. Your baby does not stop crying because she no longer needs you, but because crying is exhausting and she is too tired to cry any more.

Giving her a bath before bed may help her feel sleepy. You do not need to rock her to sleep each night, but she should at least be drowsy when you put her down. If you don't wish to pick her up when she cries, at least rest your hand on her back so she knows you are there.

It is frightening for a two month old to feel alone. A baby does not know that when mom is gone, she is not gone forever. You cannot spoil a two month old by responding to her every need. As I said earlier, she is much too young to have manipulative cries. Responding to her cries helps create an important foundation of trust between mother and baby.

And don't let anyone tell you crying is good for a baby's lungs. Baby's who don't cry have lungs just as healthy as those who are left to wail.

Again, I AGREE that routine will help you feel as if you have a normal life again, but it sometimes takes a lot of work and a lot of LOVE to reach the point where your baby adapts to the routine you've created. Have patience. Be there for your baby when she cries, by touching her, speaking, singing... just letting her know you're there. There is nothing wrong with rocking her to sleep, if you are open to that as well. I've rocked or nursed my son to sleep but he also knows how to put himself to sleep because he awakens during the night and plays quietly in his crib until he drifts off again. Babies who are thought to sleep through the night usually just awaken without being noticed. It's rare that they don't wake up part way through the night.

Make sure you're not putting her to bed too early... if she's crying or playing every night, she may not be tired at all. Tune in to her cues by spending quiet time with her until you see she shows signs of tiredness (rubbing her face/nose/eyes, pulling her ear, acting cranky, etc.) and then begin her bedtime routine. If this happens later than you wish, then move her other routines (waking and napping) back to compensate.

A two month old sleeps throughout the day and it can be difficult for her to understand the difference between awake time and nighttime. You can help her by making sure her naps are where she is exposed to daily activity and light. If she currently naps in a quiet bedroom, it might help to have her nap in a playpen next to the kitchen or living room where she can hear daily sounds.

My son goes down easiest when he has a nice warm bath, followed by books (he was turning the pages at 3 months), a feeding, and rocking in the rocking chair while playing soft lullabies in the background. I try to put him in his crib when he is drowsy rather than allowing him to fall asleep in my arms. This allows him to spend time in his crib falling asleep on his own. If he cries, I soothe him by rubbing his back and gently whispering "shhhhhh". Babies especially 3 months and younger LOVE the 5 S's... swaddling, side/stomache position, swinging, shhhhhh, and sucking. You do all of these while holding the baby in your arms and she will fall into a state of relaxed calm. This is explained well in the book, "The Happiest Baby on the Block". Check your local library.

At two months, you should respond to her cries no matter what. A baby that age NEEDS you. Even if she simply wants the comfort of her mother's arms, that is one of the needs of an infant and not something to be suppressed by ignoring her. Responding to her cries is critical to establishing trust.

You're a good Mom to be so concerned. Check your local area for mom/baby groups where you and baby can socialize with others at the same stage of parenthood. Moms often learn from one another.

Answer 2

Hi,
I am also a mother of 6 month old son. He gave me hard time sleeping at night. There were days when I was awake for more than 24 hours because he would sleep in the morning and that was our time to wake up. I can understand how it feels but you are very young and surely have more energy than me!
I can never hear my baby cry for long. The only reason for them to cry is that they need you. You means the mother. They need to feel secure in YOUR arms. I think it is being cruel by letting the baby cry.
A lot of people think this is not cruel. But this is not the stage for her to know routine. She is only 2 months old not 2 years. She might be crying because she wants to latch on to your breast and feel secure and then sleep.
Some people say that when kids are born, god also comes with them. Suddenly after a few days comes a stage when they start crying a lot. Well, that is the stage when god leaves them and goes away as they should be able to handle life themselves now. But if mother also leaves them, it will be terrible. Please don't do this. How can you hear her cry. She sleeps because she gets exhausted.
She is new to this world, she is very scared. Imagine you being in her place and someone leaves you alone. Just because she will not remember these days, does not mean that you do this. Get someone to help you at night but whatever you do please don't leave the girl alone. She will get into the habbit of sleeping in her bed later.
She wants love and comfort from you, provide that to her.
Moreover kids need to feed every 1 and a half hour. If she cries a lot, she will get hungry soon. But you will not come. You surely can't make out the change in her cries.
It is also said that if kids cry a lot, there is shortage of oxygen in them.
Rest is upto you. God help the child.
They at times also get colic pains at night. My son had this problem at the same age. I didn't know about it and he cried for 1 night and slept when he got exhausted. The next day I knew what to do. Don't leave her alone. She is too young for this. My son troubles me in sleeping even now. But when he sleeps, he sleeps for 8 hours at a stretch. He is going to be 7 months soon. Don't worry too much about routine. Consistency is what is importnat which the child will see in you. You follow the same routine everyday which is good. But leaving her to cry is not right at this stage. She cannot understand why you are doing this but you will see that she will still smile at you and love you the next morning. You might regret this later. Ask your mom what she did. Kids are scared of being alone.

This is not the time to show that you are in control!!
There is a difference in being strict and cruel.
Do things differently and you will see that your baby will learn. Best of luck.
What will you do when she will start teething? Put her outside the house?

Answer 3

I think it is good in general you aren't running to her with every murmer. At 2 months old she needs your love and warmth so if you are wrapping her and singing to her or rocking her to sleep then thats fine but just leaving her is probably why she cries. I think you shouldn't leave a baby for more than 10 minutes as then there is obviously something wrong. Getting into a good routine is an excellent idea but at 2 months old they wake and sleep at odd hrs so it's normal for the sleep patterns to be out of wack a little. Making it a routine for say 7 at night to go to bed is fine and letting her cry for a while is fine also but as long as it isn't for a real long while.

I dont have children of my own but i see from other mums i know that routine seems to work a lot better than no routine. It helps for when the bub is older and you can start having full nights of rest without any waking up and screaming. Also naps during the day is hard at 2 months old as they will sleep whenever they want but i don't see anything wrong with getting into a good routine at night to help your baby. i know a baby whos 6 months old and wakes several times a night due to bad routine. so you're doing well in my eyes . best of luck :-)

Answer 4

No it's not cruel to let her cry, but so as it's not too long. You are setting a routine which shows you are on the right track. Follow your instincts and you will be fine. The fact that you are concerned shows that you are a loving mother.

Now as far as advice. Raising children is a full time job that you have for the rest of your life. Give plenty of love and affection, have common sense and give direction. Children need direction to be successful in life. Have fun, go places with your kids, be involved. So the house isn't cleaned to perfection cause you are spending time with your children, so what, remember, they grow up way too fast. Oh yes, take lots of pictures and maybe even start a journal, you think you will remember the cute things they say and do but honestly you don't.

Good luck and relax.

Answer 5

My daughter is also two months old and she already in a pretty good sleep routine. At night she sleeps for about 6-7 hours and what I do is I only give her a warm bottle at night so she knows when she gets that warm bottle its time to go to sleep. Also during the day I leave the T.V. running so she hears the noises and at night I keep the room pretty dark and noise free, so she sleeps better. Also if she wakes up in the middle of the night and wants a bottle I feed her but I keep the noise down and try to keep the feeding short. If her Diper isn't that wet I don't change it so she doesn't think its play time. During the day I try to keep her up and play with her. I do let her nap though. But I will keep her up about and hour after her feeding so by the time she gets her warm bottle she is tired and ready to sleep.Now that shes 2 months she pretty much knows the difference between day and night and she knows when its time to play and when its time to sleep. Good luck and hang in there!

Answer 6

I am a first time mom, my son is 11 months. I don't think it cruel but you shouldn’t let the baby cry for too long of a time, 10 to 15 minutes then you should comfort the baby. I only have a few months more experience then you but what I have learned is that a hundred people will give you their opinion and almost all will be different so I think that using your own judgement and the motherly instinct is the best. I couldn't stand to hear by son cry so I was one of the bad mothers and rocked him to sleep every night. At about 6 months he just didn't want to be rocked and held at night. I gave him a bottle put him in his crib with his lullabies and the rocking just stopped on its own. He still goes to sleep on his own every night.

Answer 7

Hi I too was 20 when my lil girl was born. She's 11months now. Don't just not go in there just in case she has managed a way to get hurt. My baby always got her legs stuck in the crib slats. I do the same thing for her as I have since I brought her home and it seems to work. Once I've put her down I know she's gonna cry. I gave her 5minutes before checking on her. Now I giver her 10minutes but thats just cause she's older and I panic less lol.

Your little one hasn't yet learned that she is not part of you. Being without you is very confusing to her. She's used to having constant contact with you and having her needs met instantly. Give her time to adjust to that.

Check on her after a set time that YOU feel comfortable with but DON"T pick her up...rub her back, tuck her in again, etc but dont pick her up thats giving her what she wants and won't make her WANT to be independent.

Your not cruel at all you are doing whats right for you and your baby.

The best advice I can give you for raising her is don't neglect yourself, don't raise her based on any book other than your religious text(Bible, torah, quaran etc) that's the stuff you want her to know most anyhow. And lastly YOU and you alone know whats best for her no one else has to deal with her full time or has to be held responsible for who she grows up to be.

Answer 8

She is only two months old. Allow her to sleep when she wants, to a certain degree. My 7 month old niece will stay up until 10pm and wake up at 7ish am. She takes a nap whenever she wants to during the day, we are just sure to wake her up about dinner time so that she doesn't wake up later and not want to go back to sleep until the early morning.

I also agree with the answer before mine. She is two months old, she isn't at an age where you should just lay her down and let her cry herself to sleep. Especially since she might start teething soon and she is going to want to be held. It is also still winter and she is a lot more likely than you are to catch a cold bug or something that makes her ache and such and it is best for you to hold her. Don't worry about spoiling her by holding her to much at this age. If you don't hold her enough at this age then she may end up with a disconnected feeling as she grows older.

Also if you haven't already started reading to her, singing the ABC's and other educational songs then now is a good time to start. She is going to be getting to the point where she is going to be able to start seing things better so you can also start getting her familiar with colors. Though it won't seem like she is learning this is only because she can't talk. As she gets older and able to communicate with you you will find that she will learn faster if you start getting her ready now. Also start teaching her a different language. It won't be confusing, and if you don't know another language then it should be motivation for you to learn one to know that the younger she starts to learn a language the easier it is going to be for her. So read to her in english and then maybe sing songs to her in German then again in english. You can find common songs in several languages at school book stores and teaching stores.

Answer 9

Well if you know that you fed her, burped her, or changed her pamper then its not cruel. BUT if she cries for long periods of time like 30-45 mintues or more have her checked out. My little cousin used to cry a lot and we would ignore him. After about 3 different doctors we found out he needed stomach surgery. His stomach didnt fully develope in the womb, so he needed surgery tp open his stomach up further. After that he was fine.

Also if it isnt a medical problem, give her the shirt that you wore all day. Put it in her crib so she can smell it. DONT LET HER SUFFOCATE IN IT!!!!!!! Just put it close where she can smell you. Sometime that will comfort the baby. You dont wanna spoil her by putting her in YOUR bed. Believe me my 3 year old still wants to sleep with me. Thats pretty hard while trying to be with his dad. Trying singing to your baby as well. The baby is comfortd by your SMELL, VOICE, and heartbeat.

Answer 10

Babies need comfort. Try not to let her cry for more than 10 minutes. When they are so young, they need the comfort from their mommy in order to go to sleep. You're doing good with changing her and wrapping her up, but then try to rock her to sleep instead of just laying her down. She won't get clingy to you unless you hold her too often. I don't think you are being cruel to your little one, but babies do need skin to skin contact. When babies are only 2months old, they don't really have a schedule. Her schedule will change as she grows.

Hang in there and it will get better. You sound like you are doing a really good job so far, so keep it up. Do you have any family/friends close to you that can help you out? I know when I was a first time mommy, I asked my mom EVERYTHING! It really helps to have someone to talk to.

Good luck and congrats!

Answer 11

Make sure your bed time routine is relaxed and quiet. Don't rush it do everything slowly. Do the same each night. Make her your centre of attention (the washing up can wait) Sing/hum a particular song as you place her down (in the dark) and then gently stroke her head, between her eyebrows or the side of her cheek, whatever she likes. As her eyes begin to roll quietly step back. Be careful not to let a bright light through the door as you exit the room and don't make any loud or sudden noises for a while. If she wakes I would go back in without turning the light on, don't talk just Sshhhhh and stroke her in the same place as before then step back when her eyes roll. I feel she needs to know if she cries then her needs will be met not ignored.