We're getting a lot of mixed answers and it's tought to find support groups. Are we just selfish in going with our guts? Or why unravel our lives to make his family' happy and complete?
All advice appreciated.
2007-02-28 18:32:47 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thanks for support, but grammar and spelling left a bit to be desired on my part :( Thanks for good wishes :)
2007-02-28 18:48:21 · update #1
I'm 31 and my wife is 36 we have been married for almost 8yrs
and both decided that this day and age that having a child is not something we wanted.
We decided that we both love animals and that we can have animals for our children we have 2 dogs, 2 birds, and a cat. Having kids is a huge cost and responsibility if you are not financially capable it can just hurt your relationship and marriage.
My mother in-law thought we were geniuses not to have kids
it is just something that neither of us really have the time or money for and of course the increase of certain developmental
disabilities is a good reason too like autism and down syndrome.
I support people if thats what they want sure but it is your life. If your family is getting on your nerves explain to them that they aren't the ones that would be raising the child and that you and your hubby are happy without rugrats. God Bless and Good Luck.
2007-02-28 18:56:03 · answer #1 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can't imagine my life without my children, but at the same time, I can't imagine having children just to make my family happy. Having children requires such a sacrifice; emotional, financial, time, freedom, that it should only be entered into if both partners are fully on board. It is unfortunate that your in-laws are putting pressure on you to have kids. They probably see their friends becoming grandparents, and feel envious. My advice would be to do what is right for you and your husband, but don't close any doors permanently. You wouldn't be the first childless-by-choice couple to have a change of heart. Good luck.
2007-03-01 11:51:03 · answer #2 · answered by Tiss 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not, I repeat, do not have children unless you want to. I know plenty of childless couples by choice, and they have a great life, great relationship and make awesome friends! Not sure? grab some kids for a weekend, try it out. It will be nice for the parents too because once you have a child all of your focus that once was on your relationship goes to the child. You are not selfish because you can give in so many more ways that people with children cannot. Screw his family, sorry.
2007-03-01 02:39:44 · answer #3 · answered by Who Knew! 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It's an individuals choice whether to have kids or not. YOU have to be fully prepared to devote the next 18+ years to that child. It's not your friends or family that will be getting up in the middle of the night to feed a baby or sit with him while you try to get the fever to go down. It isn't them who has to leave work early because your child is getting sick at school or the babysitter canceled and can't come after school. It isn't them who is giving up couple time because you decided you wanted a family. Some people choose not to have kids because career is more important or they only want to be devoted to their spouse and are afraid they don't have enough love to share. Some people have never been exposed to kids and have no clue what to do with them and that scares them. Then there are people on the opposite side (me) who want one more and are unable, for whatever reason, to have that one more.
The point is, this is YOUR decision...not his family's. Tell them that you have made the decision not to have kids at all or that AT THIS TIME you choose not to have any. Just keep in mind, if you aren't ready right now, DON'T have them. Because once you have them, they are yours for life...ready or not.
2007-03-01 11:28:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Children are a HUGE committment, if you don't feel you're up to it, then by all means don't do it. Having a baby isn't something you do to make someone else feel better, you do it because you reach a point where you need the fulfillment that only having a child together will give you. Being a parent is, by far, the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. It's also the greatest blessing I've ever had in my life.
If you're comfortable with your decision, then you're the only person you have to answer to.
2007-03-01 02:40:39 · answer #5 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You go girl! Dont start having kids because his family wants you to. I'm 23 and so is my bf, and I have let everyone on both sides know that there will be NO grandchildren in my future. There is nothing wrong with being happy and content without children. There are many things you can contribute to the world besides diapers and baby seats. Feel free to enjoy your life, you have the freedom to go out for a romantic dinner or a whim, or take a trip, or enjoy a full nights sleep. Dont you let them make you feel guilty or like less of a woman or less of a wife. Your husband should love you for YOU. Not your uterus.
2007-03-01 02:40:04 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
as a mother of some awesome kids I say it is up to you, Some people can happily go all their life childless, its not for all, but if
YOU TWO are happy with it why bring a child into something when you are not sure you want to raise one, they dont come with rule books and its not always easy with kids. I myself was born to raise em, and I have, and even adopted, and now I am 52 and looking back would not change that part of my life, my children are now my best friends
2007-03-01 13:25:28 · answer #7 · answered by Peggy C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have been married for 15 years now and without a child. Both of us are very happy as we have our jobs and a happy family life. Maybe you can consider adoption? We might want to adopt as we have been trying hard but no success. We feel that it is just a thing over matter. So maybe you like to sit down with your wife or husband and discuss about adopting children? Good luck.
2007-03-01 02:38:58 · answer #8 · answered by happy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Kids are a huge responsiblity and not one to jump into lightly. you are in no way being selfish. Live for yourselves and no someone elses ideas of what life should be like. Children are wonderful, I have a 2 year old son and wouldn't take backa second but that was my and my partners choice. Only question you need to answer is, Is your life complete?
2007-03-01 02:40:38 · answer #9 · answered by Thought 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you and your partner are happy not to have children then it's completely you're choice. Children should be brought into the world through love and the want to have them. If you have both agreed that children aren't what you want in your lives, then thats okay. Some couples just don't want children and that's perfectly acceptable.If you are both happy with your decision then thats that. It's your lives after all. Nobody elses.
2007-03-01 02:39:17 · answer #10 · answered by Alyeria 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋