I have subtley grown to love him over the past 4 years. During this time we've had an on-and-off behind the scenes deep relationship with lots of meaning. We had a falling out where we both messed up, but now we're sorta 'secretly' back together. We both know we deeply love eachother. Super close, we talk, cry, and joke about life. We understand eachother in an endless, inevitable sort of way. Things have been rough between us, but now we are comfortable with eachother, forgiving, and caring. Now that I'm not afraid of losing him, I guess I'm scared that things will get boring. I'm used to hardly seeing him, with lots of intense passion the few times that we are alone. I guess I'm afraid of "falling out of love" now that I see him alot more often. should I find a way to create some distance? our realationship is still secret, especially considering he has a gilrfriend. Will I have to be a girlfriend? what are my obligations as a lover? Am I afraid of commitement? Is that unhealthy?
2007-02-28 18:22:51 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
You are not obligated to do anything. My 4 years is a pretty long time. There is nothing a yahoo answeree can tell you to help you out. Ultimately, it will depend on you. Love is powerful. Be careful.
2007-02-28 18:29:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What! First of all, you are cheating yourself by settling for this relationship- he has a girlfriend. I think you need to make a list of things you want out of a love relationship, and that may help you figure out what you need to do to either get or keep this one the way you want it.
About the boring part... do you get bored with your friends easily? How do you feel about friends that you have had for years? I can sort of relate, because I'm always scared that things will get boring, and I do the same thing... try to distance myself a bit. However I often distance myself too much and the person moves on.
2007-03-01 02:31:22 · answer #2 · answered by zhang 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you kidding me? You talk about how you have subtly grown to love this guy over the last four years, and that your worried about things getting boring or that you'll loose him. You really can not loose what you don't even have, since he already has a girlfriend. Why would you do that to another woman let alone your self? Why would you disrespect your self or even allow him to disrespect you? You are in fact letting him have his cake and eat it too, that is a totally sick thing to do.
You need to ask your self how you'd like it if your boyfriend was cheating on you like this man is doing to his girlfriend? What makes you think that you have a right to do this? Just because he is willing to do it, it doesn't mean that it right! It also doesn't mean that you should disrespect your self and allow him to use you like he is doing.
Your first obligation is to put as much distance between your self and him as soon as possible, meaning let him go!! You may end up a girlfriend but it shouldn't be with this man unless he ends his relationship with his current girlfriend, and then I'd still wait before you jump into any thing with him. Any man who would disrespect his girlfriend by cheating isn't much of a man. He is some one to avoid at all costs as he will end up hurting any woman he comes into contact with.
The only person that he loves is him self, because he has both his girlfriend and also you. He doesn't care about any one but him self. Wake up and smell the coffee, leave him before he makes an even bigger fool out of you and his girlfriend.
You don't seem to want to commit to one person, I say this because you seem to only want to play act like your with some one even when he is already taken. You don't love your self, if you loved your self you'd never allow a man to be with another woman and you at the same time. You wouldn't let him have you be hidden like your some kind of dirty little secret.
A man that loves you will only want to be with you. He would never treat you like you are some thing that needs to be scraped off the bottom of his shoe. He will treat you like you are a queen, like you are the best of the best, not like you are a common street walker that he feels the need to hide. A man who loves you isn't afraid to show it, he will want the world to know that he is in love with you.
This entire situation is unhealthy and totally unbalanced to say the least. As I said find your own man, not some one who is already commited with another woman. You don't want a man who cheats on you do you? Believe me if he is cheating on his girlfriend, in time he will do the same thing to you.
2007-03-01 08:12:17 · answer #3 · answered by Cindy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has a girlfriend.. And you think you're his "lover"? Haha.. No.
All was well with me until I came upon that.. If he loves you, he'll break up with his girlfriend.. If not, then he'll keep being with her. Simple as that..
And, yes, if you are his lover, you will have to be his girlfriend. "Secret 'friend" is not synonomous - Either be together, or don't. If you're afraid of committing to someone, then you're not ready for a relationship. Period.
2007-03-01 02:29:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is doing this to his girlfriend now, then in the future he will probably do it to you (that is have another secret relationship).
2007-03-01 02:43:33 · answer #5 · answered by ezbe2 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need space and time
2007-03-01 02:26:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋