he married me because ,he had sex before marriage with me and he felt guilty to leave me alone .his family was opposed to our marriage .Now after 12 years and having a son .He wants to make an slave of me .he threatens me to devorce .He says I will force you to divorce in 6 month.I don't like leave my home,my son, I am 38. there is no well paid job for me with this level of edjucation(diploma).Beside my parents have died,when I was a child .It is my secound marriage .my husband is a medical doctor .It is his first marriage.I am confused .what should I do?choose my freedom or my son and my momy boy husband?every day living in stress is not easy .please write my your honest advice.
2007-02-28 18:12:56 · 35 answers · asked by bookshopfish 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you need a propper councilor.
i wish you all the best
2007-02-28 18:16:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you've been married for 12 years you must have rights... not only to custody of your son but also to a percentage of your husband's money and also child maintenance. You need to seek some further advice... some solicitors will give free 30 minute consultations which could be useful to you (as long as they only last the 30 minutes or they'll charge) or go and see you local woman's refuge or counsellors and, hopefully that can put you in touch with the right people.
The important thing to remember is that you are not alone and there are places you and your son can go. You don't have to stay with your husband. He doens't have control over you as there are things you can do and places to go... you need to get in touch with the relevent authorities and they can help.
good luck
2007-02-28 18:49:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
One of you has to compromise to save the marriage - if that is what you really want.
IMHO divorce is not the solution as you have a son and this has drastic long term effects. The marriage is worth saving, but needs working at. Start to do things together. e.g. have your meals together, go out as a unit whenever possible.
Be determined and live each day one step at a time. You say you married him for his kindness and not just the money. So look for the kindness again. It should still be there. No amount of money can compensate for the anguish of a divorce.
Bless you and I hope things eventually work out OK for your family.
2007-02-28 18:26:52 · answer #3 · answered by Aslan, reborn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two things: (1) the divorce thing sounds like an empty threat, a power trip. He is trying to maintain control over you and he has established it with his education, money, security, and..well, by having a kid with you. If he really wants a divorce, then why the six-month heads up? Is it an ultimatum? And (2) if he screws up, then you get alimony. If he initiates the divorce, cheats on you, hits you, or anything like that then YOU need to be seeking an attorney because you are entitled to his money---it's the least he can do for being a jerk. You don't need a well-paid job to be happy, sweetie. Let him screw up, then go find something that makes you happy and put food on the table with his alimony/child support check! <3
2007-02-28 18:37:32 · answer #4 · answered by a_yahoo 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
find the power inside u and take ur life into ur hands ! u cant just stay with someone because of money and security ! 38 isnt old at all , ur life is in front of u ! u dont have to leave ur boy . search for a job even if its not well paid as u have to start from somewhere . if u believe in urself u will manage all and maybe instead of a lot of money u will find something called freedom and happiness !
good luck
2007-02-28 20:13:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you married for money that is wrong! It should be love! So if you are not working and are uneducated then you should be home cleaning and cooking and taking care of the two men in your life. I feel a doctor would not treat you like a slave but just expect you to do your part as he is doing his (by working)
Stop trying to make people feel sorry for you, sounds to me like you have everything and want more, grow up and start acting like a wife and do your bit.
If this is your second marriage you should have a look at what is going wrong with you, I think you are money hungry and lazy!
2007-02-28 18:26:08 · answer #6 · answered by Bev J 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You can have your freedom and your son. My advice is that if you're not happy in your marriage then it's already over, there are things you can do to try to imporve your marriage but i don;t think they will have much affect on your over bearing husband so leave him and take your son with you. He's forcing you out of the home so he doesn't look like the bad guy. Give him what he wants, leave him and you'll find a much happier life elsewhere.
Good luck.
2007-02-28 18:19:30 · answer #7 · answered by Alyeria 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
May i suggest you sit down and talk to your husband about your feelings on how he treated you and try to solve problems (if any). However, if this does not work, you might want to try a marriage counsellor at a nearby community centre or local government agency.
If you say you have married for 12 years to this man and born him a son, I would suggest you try to keep the marriage going until you are really not able to solve this problem.
Wish you good luck dear.
2007-02-28 18:21:32 · answer #8 · answered by happy 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
do not leave this man dictate to you , i think he is being mean and threatening he went into marriage as a adult , go to see a solicitor, citizen advice maybe. the rights you have as a mother means he will have to keep a home for you and your son until he is 18 good luck x
2007-03-03 22:04:01 · answer #9 · answered by kendal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he reason why your in what you say is a stressful marriage
is because you married your husband for the wrong reasons.
i feel a person should marry another person not because they
love them but because they are bestfriends and can communicate and enjoy each others company. love should be the last thing a couple should get married for because after
a couple of years love can fade and go away. but you can be
bestfreinds with a person for years. good luck. get your freedom
back and take care of yourself and your son.
2007-03-01 04:38:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not a mail order bride by any chance? My brother married one & she is a real hanger on. If I were you i'd go back to whatever country you came from. You might be happier there. Sorry if that's not the answer you are after.
2007-03-04 07:14:43 · answer #11 · answered by Jock 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋