How do you leave someone?

Question

I have no where to go, no job, and I am pregnant. I already have 1 child but I know we need to leave. We fight all the time and he is just so mean sometimes. I can't stand it! He calls me and my son cry babies and tells me all the time he is going to leave me and that he never wanted me. I'm so scared though. I do love him but I'm not sure if I am still in love with him. He makes me feel bad about myself. I feel like he only wants me for sex. He always has his hands all over me but when it comes to my mind or heart that doesn't matter at all. But it matters so much to me. I have no friends or any family to help me out. What do I do? Please, if you can help me do. Thank you. And if you don't have anything nice to say please spare your thoughts.

Answer 1

This is so sad... and I am sorry you are going through this.

I think you should leave. This is not the role model of a man you want your son to be brought up with. And, with another child on the way it is going to get worse. A person who belittles their so-called loved ones feel bad about themselves. Therefore, they say terrible things to the people that should matter the most because they are afraid of losing them. Even if you and your children don't leave for good, maybe a reality check will straighten him up.

Good luck! Stay strong...someone has to be strong for the children's sake!

Answer 2

Wow, I feel for you girl. Guys like that make "love" seem so useless in life. No man in this world has the right to make ANY woman feel bad about themselves in any what-so-ever. Do NOT take that any more from anyone! You are a strong and beautiful woman - and if he was any boyfriend/husband at all he would make you feel that way. Don't let having no job, nowhere to go and your little babies get in the way of leaving this man. Those precious babies should NOT see any man doing this to their mommy. They should have a real man as a role model - especially if you have a son. I'm sorry this is all happening to you and I want to asure you that you are not the only one in this situation and you CAN GET OUT! YOU MUST GET OUT! Take those babies, some extra clothes and anything else important and just get out. There should be shelters or a women's centre in your hometown - and if you don't want to go there, call up a friend and let them know you are in a bad situation right now and you must leave. If you can't trust a friend, call up a family member, even if their out of town... let them know you need to leave. I'm sure everyone in this world will understand. I don't want to tell you how you feel but this is how I think you feel - I think you do love him because either he is the father of your children or because you like who he was before he was mean to you and you think it will change. It won't change. These are his true colours. It won't get better. He may apologize and it may get better for a while but it will go back to this. It always does. You shouldn't EVER feel used for sex. NEVER!! Your heart and mind is who you are - not your body. Your heart and mind is the only thing that should really matter to him. And if he doesn't - it's his loss if he can't see what he's got while he's got it. This obviously matters a lot to you and it should because you have babies involved. I don't think you should be in love with a person like that. People that love you are supposed to make you feel good about yourself, compliment you (not call you and your son a cry baby) People that love you should respect you and every part of you (even your body) You should take your son and your tummy and GET OUT! Never allow a man to treat you this way again. Us women need to stick together and be strong and confident and know we're beautiful even if other people don't think so. I hope this helps you out and I pray that you and your son and your unborn baby will be safe for years to come. Be happy.
P.S. when you leave.... just smile.

Answer 3

I know it is hard when you are in a relationship where one partner treats the other like ****. But he is also doing this to your son. Be strong. This person is a very little man. People always say to stay in the relationship for the kids sake... That's a load of hog wash. In the end the kids get hurt as well. Be strong for yourself and for the FUTURE OF YOUR KIDS. This guy is so insecure within himself that all he can do is threaten you. If you walked out into the sunshine and started a new life he would be left with nothing but an empty soul.... Go to your local community centre and see what they have to offer with housing and financial support.

Answer 4

So no friends, parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, brothers or sisters that would help you out? Wouldn't give you a place to crash for a week or so. Maybe move from house to house for a month or two, till u get some money? I understand you are pregnant but that doesn't mean you can't work. If there is absolutely no one there to help you, you'll have to help yourself. You obviously cannot stay with a man who doesn't love you or your child, probably doesn't care about the one on the way either, clearly he mentally and emotionally abuses you and your child, so you must leave.
First things first. Get on your knees and accept Jesus as your personal savior, ask him to help you then call around until you find a woman's shelter that can take you in. Go there with your child, find a job, go to your local department of social services, tell them you have a job but you need child care for you chidren. Save your money and see what they can do to help you get an apartment. While you're on welfare go to college and earn a degree if you haven't one already as welfare is meant to be a stepping stone, not a life style, when you graduate in 2 years, get a decent paying job, the state will still help you with food stamps and medical insurance and they will help. Once you secure a good job you will be able to take care of your family on your own. Until then, don't be involved with anymore men. You need time to get your life straight. There will be a man there when you are finished. Even if there isn't you and your children are what's important and all that matters.
I can't say all of this will work for you but; most of it worked for me. I was fortunate enough to have a sister to help me out for a little while with the kids until I got help from the state and found a part time job. I went to a two year college and earned my associates degree. I have a good job with good pay, I rely on only myself now, no one else. My rent is paid, my bills are paid, my kids have all they need, I can afford to buy my own food and pay for our medical. It's all thanks to God and the good people of the state of NY without whom, I might have become something awful, and lost my children.
If you feel bad about welfare, I don't know what to tell you. If I didn't have their help, I wouldn't have made it. I think it's okay as long as you use it for what it is, a stepping stone. Good luck to you and God bless you and your children. And Thank you NY!

Answer 5

if you are serious, and i do think you are, here are a few suggestions:

1. demand him to go to marriage counselling with you, immediately. you can usually find therapy at centers of mental health on a cost that is based on your income and expenses.

because, when you are inside of your problem, it's like you are in a hurricane. you are whirling around and around, but you can see no solutions because of how that wind keeps spinning you about. a good therapist will discuss both of your feelings with you and try to provide answers to your miscommunication. the therapist is the only one that stands inside of that calm eye of the storm, therefore, being objective and not subjective, can offer solutions that are often so simple that you scratch your head and say, "how come i never thought of that?"

you do know, i hope, how honest you must be when you are with the therapist, don't you?

your husband should start to read the magazines that are for men that tell them the kind of behavior a woman needs to feel love from him and for her to want him in bed.

2. if that does not work, if he won't consider therapy, the next step is to tell him you want a divorce. then you call up the closest law schools and ask them how you can get legal help to file for divorce. don't worry about having nowhere to go: you may have to settle for a smaller place, but he will have to pay child support. he may, after a while of visitation but no you, decide that he really does need counseling and ask you to consider taking it with him again, even after you are divorced.

if you do go for a divorce, try to settle your affairs as best as you can without calling the lawyers all the time: they only eat up your money. go to a restaurant with a pad of paper and a couple of pens. give him a piece of paper and give yourself one. start writing down the things you must have, and he does the same. then compare notes. be businesslike. let him know that it will only cost the both of you and the food on the table for the kids if you let the lawyers do it all.

i wish you good luck. it's too bad it is going along this way for you. you need to feel that he loves you!

Answer 6

well there is never an easy way when your considerating leaving someone . your situation was similiar to mine . but i wasn't pregant , have you tried to talk to him about how you feel . have you tried council-ing .
The guy i'm with too ignores me sometimes and acts like i'm not around at all and then gets upset with me because i get mad .. we argue all the time but , I was told that no one would want me and i couldn't make it on my own etc ..
I will tell you now , before you decide to leave him , make sure you can hold a job and that you get some goverment assistant s , Because if is a fortune to raise kids .. :( and a car ....
if you have a ged or dipolma then it wont be hard for you .. but first sit down and write out a good and bad paper ... kinda like a grocery list think of all the reason you want to stay and then all the reasons you want to leave . once you figure out what you want them make that decission and stick to you just remember sometimes there is no going back once it's made ..
good luck email me if you need to talk ..
")

Answer 7

I don't know where you're from but here in Connecticut and in many cities & towns there are abuse shelters specifically for women in your predicament. They will take care of you and your child until they can help you get safely back on your feet. Please don't stay in this situation; it will wear you down ,it's not good for your children and you will lose any self esteem that you might have left. Look through the yellow pages under abuse or shelters. Another place you might check is your city directory. Don't hesitate; make a few phone calls until someone can direct you to a safe place. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 8

You really need to leave him.. that isn't a healthy relationship.

I'd say your in a bit of a pickle. You need college to get a decent job, but you need money for college.

You need to work extremely hard for your children. When parents fight it affects us too. A lot, way more than adults can imagine. You should get a loan for college and get a real job. After you can live on your own with your children, and leave him behind. He's mean.

I'm just a kid and I know I don't exactly know what's best.. but I'm just giving you a child's point of view in your situation.


I really hope the best for you and I deff. hope everything will end up just fine :]

Answer 9

i don't know how close you live to a large city, but if you do, there should be a social services center for women in bad situations. i know shelter living is not the most ideal choice, but they'll help you get away from him, help you get a job, help you find daycare and feed your kids, and get prenatal care. and if he gets violent, they'll even help you get a restraining order. girl, do whatever it takes if he's being violent or abusive (verbal abuse included, especially when it's directed at your son) good luck, and if you need a friend, you can email me through my profile, i'll talk with you.

Answer 10

As degrading as this may sound, you should leave his no good *** and check with social services for assistance..You dont deserve to be in a relationship like that .