He tried to choke me while we were fighting- he has always had an uncontrollable temper- put his fist through a wall but NEVER touched me before--we have two grown children out of the house and I don't know what to do. I don't make enough money to get by on my SS if I kicked him out, and I really don't want to disillusion my daughters- who never saw this side of him (his rage is uncontrollable when it is unleashed- he was in Vietnam and did get the purple heart for saving men and killing many of the enemy) and this is what scares me because I KNOW his choke hold on me wasn't the first time he did it-- but as soon as he realized what he was doing, he let go. What should I do?
2007-02-28 16:48:13 · 16 answers · asked by sandybrandydot 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We were just having a normal fight - we had gone to his high school reunion and I just told him that I was upset that he left me alone for most of the night--which he did- I actually had to go find him--I didn't KNOW anyone there and the table I was sitting at was empty so I had to go find my new social butterfly-- and I say that because he never was like that- he always would stay with me........I think he just doesn't care anymore and tried to choke me because he is sick of me and wants me to leave.
2007-02-28 17:12:08 · update #1
I have to tell you .... it's not right to hide this from your daughters. Your husband needs help and the best way to get him going in that direction and take responsibility for his actions is to bring everything out in the open.This is very serious but it's unlikely that he will be willing to acknowledge how bad it really is if you strive to help him hide it. Please don't do that ,next time he may not stop !!!
You love your husband and I'm sure you are aware after 30 years of marriage it's not always warm and fuzzy. You need to take a very strong stand here. Sometimes a no tolerance , tough love is exactly what must happen.Do whatever it takes to make him get the help he needs.From what I understand .... it's the only choice you have.
Please take care , best wishes to you : )
2007-02-28 17:18:43 · answer #1 · answered by uncle louie 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Since this was the first time after 30 years, why not talk to him first to see if he is willing to get help for it. That would be better than ending a marriage. If he stopped when he realized what he was doing, then he can control it. But if he leaves it unchecked, it may develop into something more dangerous. Even in case like this, it is better to try to save the marriage than to get a divorce. If he won't accept the help, or even the counseling or whatever doesn't work, then yes by all means get out any way you can.
2007-02-28 16:53:37 · answer #2 · answered by vegasg8r89129 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only saving grace here is that he stopped when he realized what he was doing. And don't fool yourself into believing you can't make it on your own. You can get a part time job and supplement your income and find a place to live if you have to. Don't think you're "trapped" there.
BUT, he did back off, to his credit.
But look him square in the eye for 10 seconds. Tell him in a low tone that you'll let this one go, but next time he touches you, you'll make him regret it. (And you can, because you can divorce him and take his money.) I don't mean to sound crude but, protect yourself. Nip this in the bud.
2007-02-28 16:58:44 · answer #3 · answered by Misery 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I myself would ask him to get help with his rage , the fact is he did choke you and that no matter what is not right . I do believe that telling him that he needs help with his rage is a good thing even go with him , but the minute he says he wont get help or he does it again , i think you now what to do cause no man has no right to hurt any woman
2007-02-28 17:12:11 · answer #4 · answered by Gerik 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When did he do this? Today? Tonight? Is there any mark showing he hurt you? If so, call the cops, asap! You need to get away from him asap! Can you stay with one of your grown children if needed? You may want to go to court and get a restraining order on him as well. I wish you the best. Take care.
2007-02-28 17:11:23 · answer #5 · answered by SAK 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get out of the relationship, by any means necessary!!!!!!!!!
Things WILL get worse! It doesn't stop with choking and letting go. One of you will either end up dead or in jail. Trust me I KNOW!
My ex is still alive but he has a bullet inside he will NEVER be able to remove! literally Thank God I didn't kill him, or I would never have met the man I have now.
2007-02-28 17:23:47 · answer #6 · answered by jdizine 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to get the hell out... I don't care if was an accident I still would leave it may be hard but I'd do it before any thing worse happens. Most likely if you split he'd have to pay spousal support for being married that long....
2007-02-28 17:04:10 · answer #7 · answered by Sonya 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go somewhere safe. Get him counseling. Don't go back until the counselor evaluates him. I'm so sorry to hear your life is turned upside down right now! Good luck
2007-02-28 17:04:29 · answer #8 · answered by My_Two_Centz 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try getting counseling for him??? It seems like he's been having flashbacks. I've heard of one of my uncles having flashbacks as well. He was in Vietnam as well! Maybe talking it out with a professional will help him?? Good luck to you!
2007-02-28 16:57:13 · answer #9 · answered by poetry_dreamer2001 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If he has put his fist through a wall that IS uncontrollable anger...So why didn't you call the police when he attacked you?
2007-02-28 19:29:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋