my daughters dad left us 3years ago since then i remarried and so did her dad.She has been hurting because her dad is in and out of her life.she is always asking why her dad hardley calls her. my husband has been there for her hes a great dad to her. but i know that she loves her dad so much and in her eyes he never is wrong.she still blames me for our brakeup what or how should i explain to her that her dad walked out on us and it was not my fault? it hurts to see her hurting .what would you do or say to her?
2007-02-28 16:32:52 · 16 answers · asked by christina b 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I had the same thing happen but my daughter was 1... I married the man who has been in her life for 12 years now. Her dad would run in and out and what will happen your daughter well form her own opian when shes old enough. You have already made your place in her world. and shes going to love the one who isn't really around and some time you'll get jealous, but that to will pass...Just know he is missing out on some most important times in her life and one day she will tell him how important you really are to her..
2007-02-28 17:14:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes it's in the best interest of the child to protect the child from the truth -- especially at that age.
Explain to her that you love her dearly and that her daddy loves her too. You can tell her that you two decided that you would be happier if you lived apart, but it doesn't change the fact that she's extremely well-loved.
Tell her that she's an extremely lucky little girl because she now has two fathers! She has a new dad that loves her and her old dad loves her too.
Don't ever say anything bad about her father. He's her father and he always will be. She'll one day grow up and learn the truth on her own. It's better that she learns it on her own, in her own time -- when she's old enough.
The hardest part of this is going to be your part in all of this. You need to be the one to reassure her that everything is okay. Bury your resentment and your anger. Put it aside and shower your daughter with love. Even if her father doesn't show it, you can project enough love to make up for it.
2007-03-01 00:45:49 · answer #2 · answered by Sylvan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't ever tell a child, no matter how old that "dad walked out on us." You don't try to make her see that he is wrong, you don't try to make her see that you are the good guy. What you do is everything you can to make sure she knows that her father loves her and that whatever problems existed between the two of you - she had nothing to do with them. He loved her and loves her still. Maybe he has trouble showing it and maybe she needs to tell him what she would like from him (more time with him, special nights out just with the two of them...) But your job is to grin and bear it and to know that the best gift you can give your daughter is the knowledge that no matter what - her dad loves her. Some day far in the future she may figure out on her own what happened and she may make some judgments at that time. Let it happen naturally. Just be there for her.
Good luck.
2007-03-01 06:27:02 · answer #3 · answered by CV 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all you have to own what you did wrong in the marriage just as much as your X if you can do that then you may be able to help your kid. but its is your fault as much as your X's because you didn't pick a guy that was man enough to be a father. and you guys couldn't hold the family together for her sake and then you bring a new guy that she has to learn to deal with. wow you got some nerve thinking there's something wrong with her, then you have yet to do something that's in the best interest of her and not you. you should have stayed a divorced mother and made her your life and not some other guy cause now she not only lost her dad but her own mother chose to replace him and make her second to her mothers love life how would you feel? but its to late to change all that so now just do the best for her...
2007-03-01 00:54:57 · answer #4 · answered by 4stringthndr 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing to do is not to run her father down to her, no matter how wrong he might have been. Just try to make her understand that both you and her father were very unhappy together so you both decided to go your separate ways. Whatever you do don't use her as a pawn to get back at her father, otherwise she will end up growing up to hate you. Let her know as far as you are concerned that she can see her father whenever she wants to, but you have to convince her father to do something about this end of the deal.
2007-03-01 01:18:55 · answer #5 · answered by Alwyn C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be immature and plant ideas in the kid's head that her dad is a jerk, just because you think he is. He very well could have some good reasons to leave but he isn't here to tell his side of the story is he.
Do what any other responsible parent would do, just explain that sometimes adults can't get along very well together and they have to go their separate ways because of it; But they both still love their child.
2007-03-01 01:04:10 · answer #6 · answered by WhooHoo! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a 6 yr old boy who hasn't seen his dad in 2 years. He misses his dad and wants me to make a list and bring his dad back. I just explain that his dad loves him and so do I it's just that mom and dad didn't get along anymore. My ex walked out on us as well but not before almost costing me my career and custody of our child. Someday when he is older I'll explain. But when he asks his dad to come and visit he just tells our son "no". I am the one explaining. I wish you the best and it is great that you have a husband who is so great to your daughter.
2007-03-01 01:17:14 · answer #7 · answered by blondie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since she loves her Dad so much and blames you, have a talk with her Dad and tell him to talk to her and let her know that he made a decision to leave, but that he still loves her. In order for her to have a healthy attitude, he also needs to let her know that it is not your fault that he left. Hopefully the two of you have such a relationship for the sake of your daughter that you can swallow your differences and let her be the main priority.
2007-03-01 00:42:41 · answer #8 · answered by myleshunt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't have kids but one of my best friends does.
She cops this on the chin from her kid knowing that everntually when the child grows up they will realise who was always there for them when they were younger.
To try to tell your child something like this, will come across as mean and not the way her father has probably told her things happened.
Stay strong and know that in the future you will be the better person.
2007-03-01 00:38:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
this sounds cruel but dont explain anything, dont say anything negative. She will figure it out on her own when her dad doesnt call or see her. Most likely when she does see her dad he will say negative things or put ideas in her head, children are smarter than we think and as she gets older she will come to realize that "hmmm" mom was always there for me and dad wasnt there. Dad said negative things, mom didnt!
2007-03-01 00:44:04 · answer #10 · answered by shelly63795 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋