My wife and I are separating, we just kinda grew apart. Neither one of us cheated on the other or anything like that. She has found someone new that she says is her soulmate and she is falling in love with him. Just last night we were talking and she sounded doubtful that she was making the right decision, she didn't say that but she did say that she was not sure about her new friend. I then told her that I was helping a female family friend move tomorrow and my wife snapped. She said she was mad because I was going to help someone else when I should be home packing my stuff up to move out this weekend. I think she was mad because she thinks I am trying to hook up with this other woman, which is not my intention at all, and my wife was jealous. I told her tonight that I loved her and I wanted to try and work things out with her, but I told her to think about it and if her answer was no that I would let her go. Do you think that she is having second thoughts? I am moving out on Saturday, and she told me earlier today that she was going to miss me. I don't know if it is because bills will be harder to pay when I am gone, or if she is seriously thinking about giving us another shot. She has always said that it is over between us, she has not responded to my requests for counseling or anything. But again today she said that she didn't ask for a divorce, only a separation, but she did say she wanted a divorce and she was already talking about filling for it early next year after we are separated for 1 year. I don't want to lose her but I don't want to push her away either. We have been married for 8 1/2 yrs and we have 2 children together.
2007-02-28 16:22:05 · 14 answers · asked by Confused 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Coming from a woman.....women are fickle and indecisive, they want their cake and to eat it too....sounds like she wants you on a short leash just in case the ol' "soul mate" doesn't work out....I'd keep on moving out, up and onto better things...don't put your life on hold because she can't make up her mind. I'd be begging my husband for a second chance if it was what I wanted instead of dropping little hints, ie.."I'll miss you.." It's tough to do with kids, but make them your priority and things will always turn out well in the end.
2007-02-28 16:30:00 · answer #1 · answered by spitonapit 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she is scared. I know I was. My ex took care of everything and all I had to do was take care of our 4 kids. Now I am taking care of the 4 kids, the house, the bills ...everything while he is off acting like a 21 yr old trapped in a 41 yr old body. At first I didn't want the divorce because I was scared about being on my own. But then I realized that I didn't want him around me anymore and wanted to set a better example for myself and for my kids. Give her some time and no pressure. Just leave her alone. No communication except for legal matters and the kids. She needs to get her head on straight and it makes it harder if you two are still personal with each other and she has the other guy in her life as well. So if I were you..I would step back. Good Luck
2007-03-01 02:04:30 · answer #2 · answered by mysweetluvie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like your wife is feeling very confused and not at all sure what she wants. I think you should make a point to sit down with her before Saturday and have a really good heart to heart. Lay your feelings on the table one last time. Help her to understand that you don't want to end your relationship and that you still love her.That you believe it's worth it to try and work things out.
I can understand her being confused and unsure of what she wants but I'm wondering if it's at least in part because she doesn't know how to deal with the problems you are experiencing in your marriage. A fight or flight kind of thing. Sometimes people move to other relationships because they've never learned how to cope with certain types of difficulties .... so they run. More often then not it doesn't help. I think this may be part of her hesitation to completely end your relationship.She's with someone else and still unhappy because it's maybe not what she really wants.
The other question here is ..... are you certain you can forgive her other relationship if she agreed to stay together? Infidelity has got to be the worst thing to deal with in terms of trust , many people can't do it.Just something to think about .
I truly hope it works out for you and your family ..... I'm sure it must be a very difficult time. take care : )
2007-03-01 01:00:23 · answer #3 · answered by uncle louie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like you are both still care about the other. Why didn't give it another chance? Work thing out for your children also. Since you are the man, try to make the first move see how she response. But you have to be positive about really wanted to make thing work this time. Otherwise, if you mess thing up again then I don't think she gonna ever trust thing will going to work again, because she did give it another shot.
2007-03-01 00:47:23 · answer #4 · answered by Lilian 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you guys should take some time off, not get divorce..but just take some time off and in that time off think about what you two really want. She says she is going to miss you and she says she wants you out of there.. just give each other some time. You have two kids, they will be affected by this as well. Just give each other some space, or that whole 8yrs would be a waist..
2007-03-01 00:33:31 · answer #5 · answered by Become a better person 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With out even trying she's going to let you go like that, because she thinks she's found something better? You are a very NICE MAN you are being very gracious.
I just can't believe people would up and go with out even going to a marriage counselor or anything. You know your actually letting her go out and taste the world and giving her a free pass back into the marriage. I wonder if I can get my man to do that hahaha!
2007-03-01 00:31:01 · answer #6 · answered by SecretFriend 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what a complicated situation. sounds like she's confused and doesn't know what she wants.i think you should just give her time. or perhaps you should be telling her how you feel. go get flowers and go to her have a conversation. she probably likes this new guy because he sways her, romances her. sometimes after so many years in marriage the couples forget that stuff. you should see what she's into and try harder.
2007-03-01 00:31:29 · answer #7 · answered by sassy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give her some time sounds like she isn't really sure what she wants right now. Move your things as planned so she can get a good taste of life without you there and maybe she will want to work things out.
2007-03-01 00:31:25 · answer #8 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Divorce is never the answer man. If you aren't in an abusive relationship it shoud never be brought up. I suggest a book- His needs, her needs. Sit down together and go through it. It has helped more people than you could possibly imagine.
2007-03-01 00:30:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that both of you need to go to counseling to get everything'out in the open. if she does not want that, then you
need to take this time to do thing apart and see how thing
go, you will be togethr because of the children. but it sound
like she playing with emotions. if she seeing someone else
time to handle your business for your childre sake.
2007-03-01 00:28:36 · answer #10 · answered by luckystar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋