After 8 months of marriage my wife came home and told me that she is in love with someone else. She loves me also. She said that its the guy that she was with before me and her got together. She loves me but she also loves him at the same time. And that her heart is torn and she can't go on living a lie. I love her more than anything and I've given my whole heart to her and been the best husband to her and she's told me that. She's moved out and its been three weeks. Three of the worst weeks of my life. I love her and I don't understand how she can love me and someone else at the same time. I just want her to come home. What can I do?
2007-02-28 16:05:39 · 12 answers · asked by kansaspizza 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My heart breaks for you, I have felt that type of pain, but guess what you will survive. You can't make a person do anything that they do not want to do. I do not think that a person can love two people equally at the same time. They may love something about one and something else about another.I am sorry to say that she made a choice about who she loved more, if it had been you she would have remained with you. It appears as though that the two of you got married fairly quick and she was not over the other person. Love can be painful at times, but the reality of it is that self-love will help you to realize that if someone does not love you as you want and deserve, you are truly better off without them no matter how it may hurt. Use this as a time to pamper yourself, stay busy and realize that you have love to give and someone worthy will return that love and appreciate you. Move on with your life, surround yourself with positive people and eventually the pain becomes less, I promise.
2007-02-28 16:23:24 · answer #1 · answered by myleshunt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me tell you something from a girls point of view.. If after three weeks this woman is still calling you and your still talking to her that's your first mistake. And if this is happening then she has exactly what she wants and that's why she isn't coming back. (The man she says she loves, and you, the man she actually loves)I've been in a situation where I was deeply in love with my boyfriend, and then we broke up. He really wanted me back and was true about everything he said, but the only reason I didn't go back was that he was still calling me and being there for me. Just like when we were together, but without my doubts.Don't get me wrong I loved the kid with all my heart but I had a mindset that there was "better out there". And still to this day I wish I would of never fell out of love with him because he was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm sure everyone is saying "JUST LET HER GO". You know what ? It's true, if she truly says she loved you like she did, she'll come back.
2007-03-01 00:28:07 · answer #2 · answered by missbucketkarrie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know that you want her to come home, BUT that is up to her. She knows that you want her, this is what you Could do to speed things up, if she cares for you this will put the pressure on her, tell her that you need to know if she is ready to get the divorce or work things out, if she gives you the run around tell her that you need the answer now, calmly like it is nothing to you stay focused on what you need -a clear answer from her. Tell her that you want to move on but want to give it one more shot. Tell her that you need to know what she wants to do so you can move on or get back together and work this out. She wouldn't of moved out if she didn't want to be with this other guy (sorry) but what you need is closure for the healing to Begin.
There is also the game...you tell her all that and you tell her that you want to ask someone else out but you love her and want to be with her but you are tired of being alone, this will do 1 of 2 things, she will say go a head and be crappy about it, because she don't care, she will be jealous because she wants you to be at her beck and call, or she'll not want you to do that and she will come around.
This could be hurtful anyway you do it, but ask youself this, if she came back, would you trust her? What if it happen again? The game will work watch the expersions on her face when you tell her that, you can tell alot by watching reactions, and you have got to take your heart out of this for now, you can love again always remember that, good luck..there maybe some one waiting for a person, just like you for only you....it may not be her.
2007-03-01 00:38:36 · answer #3 · answered by CJ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your wife and see if she is open to working on the marriage with you and trying to save it if at all possible. See if she is open to marriage counseling and letting the other guy go. If she is not i hate to say it but then you will have to let her go and move on with your life or this will tear you up and will eventually tear your marriage apart if she will not do what she can to try and help you save this marriage. She reallly does not love you as she should if she is in love with this other guy. Also go to http://www.drphil.com and email him for help and advice in this matter. I will give her one thing though at least she was honest about it and came to you and told you the truth. That is actually a good thing and a good sign.
2007-03-01 00:49:07 · answer #4 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why didn't she bring this up 8 months ago when you were not married? Look if she loves you, she'll come back and if your willing to accept her then I suggest counseling because this is really not a good thing. You can't make her come home let her work her issues out. But if she's out sleeping with this dude then you guys have some serious issues to discuss. Why was she still in contact with this ex if she was with you is all I can think of.
2007-03-01 00:12:06 · answer #5 · answered by SecretFriend 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Real Love is mature- and long lasting,honest,self sacrificing and is wise.The kind of love she has for you..if she does is not mature. She sounds very confused about what real love is. It is commitment, and an honorable journey of two people spending their lives together, Don,t be surprised if things don,t work out for her and she wants you back. If she does tell her no, you have major trust and commitment issues and would not do so without couple,s counselling.Keep in mind unfaithfulness can be a scary thing nowadays it can kill you (aids).Do not let her control your happiness,make yourself happy and content as a person. Big hug to you friend.
2007-03-01 00:39:25 · answer #6 · answered by warriorbabe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand you pain.I went thru somewhat the same thing.The only thing I could or would suggest is to tell her how much you love her and tell her you will give her the time she needs to figure out what she needs to.It will hurt like a mother heifer but it's better than giving her an ultimatum or going thru your lives together wondering if she is thinking "what if..."
It will be hard but stay strong and try not to let her see your pain.
Best wishes.
2007-03-01 00:14:10 · answer #7 · answered by bjustnape 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
One realize that your love is more special than to share outside of two people. If she has problems making up her mind now what happens down the road when another or another comes back into her life? Sorry but to me you need to save your love for someone who really deserves it. Just know that if you love once you will love again just look to the past and watch out for wishy washy gals
2007-03-01 00:14:02 · answer #8 · answered by truely human 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would try to fiqure out how you really feel about this, because
the truth is sorry to say this but she full of it, she did not love
you,because after 8 months of marriage she also love someone
else. and to move out and not try to work out your marriage she
gave vows to love and cherish. she lied i know that this hurt
you because you love her.but she does not deserve you, i would
let her go and move . she choose this path now she need to
deal with this. but you need to take care of your sefl, and
do what is right for you in the long run. even if she come back
how do you know that this wont happen again......
2007-03-01 00:49:28 · answer #9 · answered by luckystar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can't do anything about that, i don't think your wife is coming back, next time you decide to start falling for someone make sure that they are clear of any imotions from their previous relationships and can love you completely instead of being torn between whatever things are in their past
2007-03-01 00:11:49 · answer #10 · answered by zether 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋