Okay.. Our marriage is almost perfect (14 years) 3 kids. Everything is great except sex. As the years have gone by it has gotten to be less and less. The past six months it has been average once a month and even then it seems to be a chore for her. There is no passion. It drives me crazy.. Got to have it. I am seriously thinking about leaving just to find that someone to cut loose. I am young "32" and dont want to spend the rest of my life like this. I get the feeling she is not IN love with me. She claims she is still in love with me.
I have heard the wife has sex with her brain. I have heard flowers, be nice all day, help out with the kids. Try some different things. I have done and heard it ALL! I will also add, the greatest part of sex for me is pleasing, so I know its not that. I am very open. I feel like I want to sleep with almost every half-way decent woman I see. Would it be selfish to leave my wife and kids just for sex.
2007-02-28 15:58:46 · 7 answers · asked by bukemdano18 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This would be very selfish and pathetic maybe you and your wife need some time away from the kids get a babsitter and have a romantic night or even a weekend if possible just the two of you.
It maybe time for some counselling this appears to be the only thing you are concerned about you should be placing more priority on spending quality time with your kids and your wife. sex is just a part of a marriage not all it is about be happy you get it once a month some guys may go without for months at a time sometimes women just need some time away from sex. If you haven't gotten snipped yet consider this it may get your wife all charged up if the thought of pregnancy is not an issue. Never cheat or leave just for this reason God gave you a hand use it if
you have too. Remember your vows and be true and faithful to your wife. You need to sit down and have a long serious talk it appears communication is laking and that could open the doors if you show a little care and devotion to her feelings cards and flowers are nice but that doesn't mean you do not have to talk to one and another. It appears you can be sensitive but just buying flowers and cards to get her in the mood is not going to do it and that is what she is thinking when you do this oh man he wants sex here are some more flowers etc. TALK to your wife find out why she is becoming distant when it involves having sex and intimacy times with you? God Bless and I wish you all the best remember sex is one thing having a loving and devoted wife well thats priceless.
2007-02-28 19:35:27 · answer #1 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Would it be selfish to leave my wife and kids just for sex?" You're kidding, right? Isn't the answer to that obvious?
If you're looking for permission to satisfy your sex drive outside of marriage, you're not likely to find it here.
Rarely do couples have equal sex drives. Typically, men want more than women. So, what you are experiencing is not unique.
You've got to redirect your sexual energy toward other release mechanisms. It won't be easy, but you have to be there for your wife and children. If she says that she loves you, you can't be unfaithful to her.
Your sex drive will eventually diminish. If you leave your wife and children to satisfy your lust now, you will look back at this period of time as extremely foolish. You will have given up the most rewarding things in life for what? A few wild flings? Sexually transmitted diseases? Illegitimate offspring?
It's time to grow up and become an adult. You have responsibilities, obligations, and fatherly duties to attend to. Don't break your wife's heart and leave your children alone without their father. Be a man and do the right thing.
2007-02-28 16:28:07 · answer #2 · answered by SafetyDancer 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow u are 32 and just discovering this major issue???
listen man i am much younger (22) then you are and i don't feel right giving u advice but ur a man....u have to cheat on your wife. god meant it that way. if you don't cheat on her then u will loose her and your kids. sex is not gonna stay fabulous with the same woman forever. and the couples who do have great sex life are pretty much swingers or weirdos. if you discreetly cheat on your wife then u will be happy and then u can make her happy.
2007-02-28 16:41:31 · answer #3 · answered by Pro Bush 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am a 31 yo wife mum of 2...
my husband complained to me a couple of years ago about the same thing.... i knew it was a problem, but i just didnt want it..
its so hard to make yourself want sex... its not that you dont do it for us, or we dont love you, we just dont have the same hormones controlling our thoughts like you guys do....
i tried herbal remedies, and they worked a little bit. i have mega problems now in that department after just having another baby, so cant help you much with that...
but, it is sad when our sex drives dont quite match like they used to. running a house and raising kids is an emotionally draining way to live and we really do only see ourselves as a mother sometimes... i used to be a real sexpot when we first got married, but now i am a bit of a prude... its unfair to you men, because we do change!
women really react to the opinions of others, and to be sexy and feel sexy is a frame of mind that we forget to nurture....
i will force myself to behave like i did when i was 21, with the underwear and smutty talk, but the next day we are mum again and back to the bump and grind. it takes so much energy to do something we dont feel like doing, that it makes us not want to do it again for a while.
i used to breath a sigh of relief that it was out of the way for another month and be quite happy for my monthlies to come and get me off the hook. NOW, everything is the opposite.... i want that intimacy, and now hubby is too busy on the net chasing porn sites!!!!
gggrrrrr
sex is not that big a part of marriage, until your not having it!!!! then everything starts to suffer slowly. you disconnect piece by piece until you hang on by the threads of friendship. i think this is the roller coaster called marriage!
is it wrong to leave her just for sex?
well, yes, because you will regret it! how do you explain that one to your kids when they are older? i understand how you think that is the only answer, but it is still the wrong answer.....
maybe go to a sex therapist together, and nut out any insecurities, or issues she might have. then take her for a dirty weekend. be up front and tell her that is the plan. tell her what you want to do to/with her. be playful and loving when you say this, NOT a deviant. make sure she knows that SHE really turns you on etc... whenever my husband tells me he thinks about me naked, i wanna show him!!! but when he has been porn surfing, i dont want him anywhere near me!!! could that be happening in your house?
if she likes the dirty weekend/night, make a deal to do it every 2 weeks, make advance bookings, circle sex night on the calendar and you might just find things get a bit more often than that...
dont give up! your kids are worth hanging in there!
good luck... i do feel for you and hope you find the answers that you need!!!
2007-02-28 16:44:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
HEY IM A WOMAN WHOS BEEN MARRIED TO A GREAT GUY FOR ALMOST 30 YRS AND SEX HAS NEVER BEEN A PROMBLE EXCEPT RIGHT AFTER HIS HEART ATTACK I WAS SCARED HE WOULD DIE ON TOP OF ME IT TOOK ME A WHILE TO GET PASS THAT THOUGHT BUT SOMETIMES YU JUST NEED TO AS HER WHY SHE DOESNT HAVE TIME TO MAKE LOVE TO THE MAN SHE LOVES I KNOW IT HELPS WHEN YOUR HUSBAND IS CARING AND TENDER AND IS WILLING TO GUIDE YOU THREW A NIGHT OF PASSION AND SOMETIEMES YOU JUST WANT TO GET LAID YELL A LOTL AND HAVE A GOOD TIME AS HER WHAT SHE WANTS WHAT SHE NEEDS SHES GOT TO HAVE DESIRES FIND OUT WHAT THEY ARE GOOD LUCK
2007-02-28 16:21:16 · answer #5 · answered by Msdeb gee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, that would be selfish. Talk to your wife about your problem.
2007-02-28 16:22:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should just higher a hooker every now and then... don't let ur wife find out though
2007-02-28 16:19:00 · answer #7 · answered by Kyra 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋