Starting to wish the end was near
My confidence is fading tonight
Leaving has never been my fear
Praying for another temporary light
Coming down with a sickness
No one knows the cure
Its spreading with quickness
Far too much to endure
Praying for recovery
This world i am hating
Can anyone make a discovery
For the answer i am still waiting
wrote it a few minutes ago,tell what i need to change/edit and what u think of it
2007-02-28 14:11:02 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
good work. it made me want to fill in the blanks with my imagination about the person. i don't know if the person is a homeless person in the first paragraph, i wouldn't know if it was a someone with a sickness or having racial abuse when you say "no one knows the cure". and in the last paragraph, it seems to get both humanistic characteristics of the person.
good job. i'd give it a 8/10... it's not legendary status like aristotle but good enough to sense a feeling in the moment.
2007-02-28 14:24:26 · answer #1 · answered by Harry 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I think it's rather good. The only thing I'd change is the last line. Instead of I am still waiting, try I'm still waiting. It flows better.You know a lot of artist endure pain and suffering before they really excel, it seems par for the course. I hope you feel better, but keep up the good work. :)
2007-02-28 22:25:16 · answer #2 · answered by sustasue 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a sincere description of severe depression. My daughter writes poems like this, and they scare me to death.
Everything I am is slowly slipping away.
Lay awake at night after sleeping all day.
Let the moon wash over me,
The pale, dim light
Banished from the sun like me
But ruling over night. . .
She has recently been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but the poems started long ago. I mention this only because there is medication that will make you feel better. Talk to your parents and show them your poem. Good luck.
2007-02-28 22:26:56 · answer #3 · answered by KIZIAH 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh,salubrious Shakespeare!
2007-02-28 22:19:45 · answer #4 · answered by christian b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Enter into the praise and worship. Begin to pray for others.
Your writing indicates you are a beliver. God inhabits the praises of His people. We were created to worship Him, our home here on this earth is nothing compared to what He has for us .....when we leave this place. I bless you and pray you will find the peace that passes all understanding......Praise is the KEY......Dance for the Lord. .....worship Him.......OH if we could only worship 24/7 .....mountains (illness, disease,) would be moved .....I bless you....
Read the word and read it out loud, so your ears can hear it.
Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God.
Read JOHN first ...read it three times.
I hope this helps.
2007-02-28 22:26:05 · answer #5 · answered by rooster 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like it. as a child i spent several long days and nights in a oxygen tent because of pnuemonia. the worst night i had was because i had a fever and could not get any one to give me a glass of water. i know life is not fair but i hope you are here come the morning light. come the new light all may be better.
2007-02-28 22:25:45 · answer #6 · answered by frank h 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very nice. You should find a song composer, these would make great song lyrics. Who knows, you could be the next singer/song writing geniuses, like Elton John/Bernie Taupin! What ever you do, use it, don't waste that talent! =)
2007-02-28 22:22:18 · answer #7 · answered by Starscape 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a beautiful expression of your soul; there's no need to make changes.
2007-02-28 22:15:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good! Is this how you feel?I hope if it is that you will be up lifted and you will have what you seek health in both your body and mind..God Bless.
2007-02-28 22:19:33 · answer #9 · answered by greenstateresearcher 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you're an excellent poet. Is this poem about you? If so, I wish you luck.
2007-02-28 22:16:21 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋