Why do I feel uncomfortable looking people in the eye??

Question

I have always had trouble looking people in the eyes when talking with them, even with close friends I still have trouble doing so, I always look at the ground or something on the table etc.. to take focus off the eyes.. I feel rude doing this and disrespectful and want to change but when I try to look someone in the eyes I feel embarrassed and Uncomfortable, and I get really nervous around people that really stare at me when having conversations... How to I overcome this.. I'm not trying to hide anything and it really frustrates me not being able to make eye contact... and I have no-idea why I feel this way?? Does anyone else feel nervous or anything when making eye contact..

Answer 1

Direct eye contact can be a sign of aggression, and can be uncomfortable for anyone in certain situations. It's difficult for many people. Psychologically speaking, no one has the right to demand eye contact. That is, no one has the right to tell you to look them in they eye. Don't make yourself crazy over it. Try to increase eye contact in a slow and subtle way. Make eye contact for a few seconds at a time and then gradually increase the amount of time you do it. It's good to be able to sustain eye contact because it lets people know that you are confident and that you are listening and interested in what they are saying. Just go slow and you will be able to do it. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

First of all it might be that you are very sensitive emotionally and have a lot to give. You have a lot of feeling. When eyes lock people pour into one another. So this has to be controlled. I don't think you are trying to be rude. I think you are just controlling your outflow for want of a better term.

I definitely used to have problems looking into people's eyes because I did not want them to know my deepest emotions too quickly. I also did not want to be too INVASIVE because of my own intensity and almost laser-like way of seeing into their private vulnerabilities. I was also unsure of myself and had a lot of growing to do. I could see quickly how unsure many people were of themsleves and I did not want to expose that in a rude way.

So what you can do is try a fair compromise. Don't stare, but yet don't evasively look at tables, or the ground, or a plant, or nearby cat. Look at them, pay genuine attention. Offer what you discern you would like to offer under the circumstances, but don't stare. You do not have to look only into people's eyes. You can scan their whole faces; their mouths and so forth. You can scan and listen in a more relaxed and creative way. There is a way to use your ears with your eyes. People know when you have a universal interest in others and when you don't. If your interest is real then you will learn how to use your eyes gradually. You won't have to worry about it.

But you don't have to lock your eyes and show too much of your own deep emotions and feelings which should be parcelled out slowly anyway - even to people you love and trust!

And don't forget, it takes a long time to really know yourself. If you have deep feelings, thoughts and emotions or beliefs, it takes time to grow into them. You might not want too many people to see them. But perhaps you would like to start this process now. It can be very creative, very exploratory. Try to enjoy it. There are no rigid rules. Listen thoughtfully and creatively. Find out what is making the other tick. Discover what you want to share with them. Sometimes you can make eye contact. Sometimes not. If you do make eye contact try and relax a bit so neither feel overly intimidated by the private intensity of the other. Try to cultivate confidence that it will be a positive thing to do.

It can be quite intimidating to stare too deeply right into somebody else's eyes. But it can also be one of the most rewarding experiences humans can have. The energy that passes between too pairs of eyes is powerful and rich with meaning. When you get the knack of it you will be the richer for it. When you feel good about yourself it is always a little easier to do this; you feel less shy.

All the best,

B. Lyons

Answer 3

"The eyes are the window of the soul" is pretty much a true old quote. It feels so personal to make eye contact, especially with the opposite sex. If you are shy, this would be very difficult to open yourself up in this way. Start small, look for a few seconds, away, then back again. Work on your confidence and don't be afraid of mere man!

Answer 4

That used to happen to me before, but then you have to say to yourself that it is not disrespectful because when you look someone in the eyes when talking to them it shows that you are paying attention to them, and it's actually rude when you look at the ground or something on the table in fact.

Actually, what you could do is look in between their eyes, like on the bridge of their nose or something. I know it may sound weird, but you're not actually looking at them in the eyes, and they won't notice that you're not looking at them directly in the eyes. I read that in a psychology book once. Hope this helps =)

Answer 5

It is self esteem and confidence issue. Being stared or looking at someone'e eyes are like a reflection of how you present yourself. Even though it does not have to be a big speech, eye contact shows how confidence you are. You probably are a shy person after all.

Answer 6

well when i make eye contact with my friends or someone i know it doesn't bother me. if i look at someone really cool in the eye i get nervous or shy. try to get over the embarrassment. everyone stares someone in the eye. don't worry.

Answer 7

It's probably not autism and DEFINITELY not ADD. It's just a touch of social awkwardness. You feel like you're inconveniencing people or making them feel uncomfortable when you look at them in the eye, right? Just make a conscious effort to look at people when they talk, and eventually it will come naturally.

Answer 8

Sounds like you have insecurities about yourself...people that are insecure don't like people to look straight into their eyes...eyes are the window of our souls...and so when you don't feel comfortable with yourself...you don't want people to "see in" so to speak...afraid they will "find you out"...you need to find a way to become self accepting...Good Luck.

Answer 9

Look at thier nose or their forehead. They won't notice.
You need to develop some positive thought processes girl.

Answer 10

well if you dont make eye contact, they will think that your autistic!!!!

it is an autism behavoiur I mean, i had probs before.

but i think i got better