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we all know the pros and cons. feel free to expand. i really don't think marriage or kids are for me. many guys who are married express their distaste for marriage and how if they had a second chance they'd take it all back. and seeing how my parent's marriage has deteriorated, i don't want to deal with it. that's my take, what's yours?

2007-02-28 13:16:10 · 23 answers · asked by JB 1 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

23 answers

neigh

2007-02-28 13:19:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

You see... In your own question, all you do is cite negative examples of marriages gone wrong. You aparently have no good examples of marriages that work, and last. So you think then that marriage isn't for you. Have you tried to find examples of good lasting marriages to investigate? To give your opinion a balanced base of thought? I have been married a couple of months shy of 30 years, and I couldn't be happier. Take it all back? Baloney, I'd do it all again in a New York second.
Never let nay sayers, and negative people form the basis of your opinions regarding marriage. They are only trying to drag you down into their hell of lonliness, and separation.
I'll agree marriage isn't for every one. Certainly not kids. You have got to be committed to your spouse and family 24/7/365. Your focus in life has got to be their happiness, and emotional well being. If you're not ready for that level of committment, then no; definately don't get married.
But what's the alternative? The single "yuppie" life? Endless booty calls? Friends with benifits? Prostitutes? Being Uncle so and so who never found a wife? The third wheel when you get together with friends? All that gets old too.What if you do find a special someone? She won't wait forever for you.
Marriage doesn't HAVE to mean kids either. Many couples find fulfilling lives just with the two of them. An older brother of mine has done that.
Just don't close the door on what could be the most enjoyable thing this planet has to offer, just because those around you have their failings. Learn from their mistakes. Find those who live and love together and learn from them what DOES work. Then make a fair balanced decision regarding your life.

2007-02-28 22:44:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2 0

Way too many people have entirely the wrong focus on the entire issue.

Marriage is not the issue - the relationship is.

When you have two people who are really in love, and they've made the decision that they want to spend the rest of their life with someone, that is a major decision, one that involves committment.

In that sense, the marriage (ring, ceremony, license) is a minor legal detail. You couldn't pull apart a couple that's emotionally mature with a chain and tractor.

Too many people just aren't ready for a long term relationship; they'll bail at the slightest hint of trouble.

And they do.

It's just lame.

Most couples don't separate because of cheating or abuse; they bail because they're selfish and immature.

We've been happily together for 36 years. I know what I'm talking about.

Marriage is not "confining."

Let all those who think it is keep on swimming in the dating pool, cruising bars, etc., pitching lines of BS just to get in bed with someone.

I've got all the love, sex, and friendship I can possibly want, in addition to a partner for life - through the bad as well as good times.

Nah...marriage is not the issue.

2007-02-28 22:54:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

Here's my view: Marriage is overrated and people enter into it for a number of misguided or just plain bad reasons. Let me explain:

1. Our love is special: Too many people 'in love' think that this is enough to keep a relationship going for multiple decades. Wrong! That stuff only happens in the movies. Oftentimes, the main reason for divorce is that people really aren't compatible as roommates. If you've had a bad roommate, you know how stressful it is. Now, think if you had to live with that person for the rest of your days.

2. Divorce is not taboo: In many cultures, divorce is the most shameful thing a couple can do. Not here in the U.S. It's almost cliche to have come from a broken home now. Witness all those whiny emo girls and guys who feel misunderstood and hate their parents.

3. Pop culture: This is the main culprit for Reason #1. Too many guys and girls watch tripe like 'Say Anything', and begin believing that if their relationship isn't that sweet or cute, it's a failure. I've heard the concept called 'Fake Love'. Women and men have a narcissistic approach to relationships in which romance equals fulfillment of every love-related fantasy the person has ever had. Then there are pop songs about longing and love. No human being can live up to these standards and still function as a member of society.

4. Society sees marriage as the only socially acceptable way to spend one's life: Society has conditioned us to believe that being married is normal. If someone in their 30's or 40's says they are single, the first thing that pops into most people's minds is that the single person must have some major flaw that makes him or her unmarriageable. Singles are also looked at as either lonely losers or noncommital sex fiends. Most people feel that being single equals intense unhappiness and soul-crushing loneliness.

5. People think marriage will solve their relationship problems: Marriage is viewed as some sort of magic potion that will breathe new life into a flawed relationship. People don't realize that the six months of wedding planning only masks the true problems with the relationship. Getting married won't fix anything, it just makes it messier to get out.

There's my two cents. Hope this helps.

2007-02-28 21:31:49 · answer #4 · answered by Average Joe 3 · 0 1

WAY NAY! Been there, done it wish I hadn't either. She was the epitome of a psycho It was bad from day one. We almost split up while on the honeymoon. I can't talk to her for more than a couple of sentences before she turns it into an argument and most of the time I don't even know what she's even talking about. I've been living in a separate state from her for almost 3 years and it's the happiest time of my life. Even my kids tell me how happy I look and that they're glad I'm finally in a better place. I stayed with her til all my kids were adults and totally enjoyed being a dad. We even all worked together in a video production company. We still talk about all the fun we had.

2007-02-28 21:20:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Nothing good in life is easy.

Relationships take work. Marriage is not something anyone should get into lightly.

Raising children is a responsibility that should not be taken lightly.

I felt like you when I was younger. Saw my friends lives change completely. No more hangin' out & doin' what ever you wanted to do. Of course their GF's or wives wanted them to spend the majority of their time with them. Then they had kids and had no more time to hang out. Changin' diapers and being responsible.

When you have mouths to feed you can't tell your boss to shove it...

And then watching friends go through divorce. Painful separations from their kids...

I watched and learned from their mistakes. I waited until I was sick and tired of being a goof off. I matured and started looking for someone to share my life with. Took my time, dated a lot and finally found the woman who I knew I could trust. Trusted her enough to raise children with her.

Lesson is, nothing in life is easy. It's not easy being alone. It's not easy finding the right person. It's not easy building a relationship and raising a family. But it is all good.

Take your time. Enjoy life so that when you do settle down, you know you haven't missed anything.

The only bad thing about waiting so long to have kids, I can't do all the things I could when I was younger. Upside, I'm more mature. More stable. Can give them a better head start in life.

Good luck. Good to see you asking yourself that question instead of jumping in...

A~

2007-02-28 21:36:19 · answer #6 · answered by BigMac2xk 3 · 0 0

Only you can decide if your ready for the responsibility of a marriage. You have to ask yourself, do I want to wake up to the same person or the rest of my life? Am I ready for the responsibility of a home and maybe in the future kids. You've already said that you aren't, so why ask. When and if you ever are ready for marriage, because you are smart enough to say no now, I can bet that it will be with the wman who you want to have babies and a house with. Good for you.

2007-02-28 21:22:32 · answer #7 · answered by Ofie 2 · 0 0

Marriage is a yay, but the idea is that marriage is not stoppable by divorce and that the two people promising to God will hold true to their vows.

Marriage is an institution so people can have children in a family. It's not a family to just have a child by the nearest stud.

2007-02-28 21:22:05 · answer #8 · answered by Your Uncle Dodge! 7 · 0 1

I want to get married to my fiance (obviously) and we are so anxious to have kids but we are still in college. (been together 5 years). If you doubt it and see a negative view- then no. My fiance told me the first week of dating that he did not want kids so they would have to see him on just wkend if we got divorced (or whoever he is with)...but we fell in love and now he says he wants kids (well for about 4 yrs now)

You will either change your mind or not. It is not a big deal but when you know- you will know. For now- all you know is NO

2007-02-28 21:22:14 · answer #9 · answered by Rachel H 2 · 0 0

Mabey if you find the right person marriage is a yay. But if you get a woman pregnate think about the life effects for the child it could really screw them up. I grew up without a father, I don't even know his last name so think before you do!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-02-28 21:22:36 · answer #10 · answered by a27griese 2 · 0 0

well when im ready, old enough and find the right guy it will be a YAY for me. I will be happy with my husbands and my kids I love kids and i would love to have kids of my own, so for me when its time it will be a YAY but not a NAY

2007-02-28 21:20:48 · answer #11 · answered by D21 3 · 1 0

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