Excessive nurturing from a parent figure, is it bad? causes?

Question

You will agree with me: it is necessary to be loved. It is not good to be neglected by a parent figure, nor is it good to be excessively nurtured. Since I was a kid I never really liked physical contact. My mom kissed me and hugged me and told me I was handsome every single day. I grew to despise this, and I hate physical contact and I do not feel handsome. This is probably because I feel she over approves of me, and even if I sneeze I will be praised. I am not valued properly, perhaps?

I know people are not loved by their parents or do not have parents. But nothing to it's extreme is good.

Now, is excessive nurturing bad? I attribute the cause maybe to the fact of being neglected as kids. My mom had lost her dad very young and her mom worked every day, and she was very cold.

what do you guys think?

Apparently I was not clear enough. I am not saying it is bad to be in my situation. I am not saying it is good either. If you compare it to the people being killed in Iraq, it is nothing, yes. I am just asking a question. I also forgot to add, each time I refused to be kissed or touched or caressed, my mom got angry and did not speak to me. I do love my mom, but I do not like that kind of thing.

Answer 1

Definitely. Extremes of anything is bad.

First of all, no one is perfect, and no one should act like someone else is perfect because if they do, that someone else will either:
a) think they're perfect and act like it, making them full of themselves, which is not healthy. Or
b) not know what to think. Not everything can be good and therefore anyone who says that everything you do is good must be lying some of the time (or at least exaggerating). This reduces your trust in that person and increases frustration every time that person approves of something because you don't know what to think of that person's comments anymore.

Kids need to know that they're loved, but they shouldn't believe that they're the center of the universe. Neither should they be confused if they know what they did was in no way good, and yet their parents praise them for it.

So yes, excessive nurturing is bad. The causes definitely vary from person to person. In your mother's case, it seems like losing a father can very well be the reason for her over-protectiveness. She grew up without much of parents and she doesn't want that to happen to you.

What you need to do is to talk about this with your mother. Try not to be rude as you should realize that she is just trying to help you. But tell her what you need, and tell her why. Convince her that she needs to change. Then take it easy. Change takes time. Give her chances, be patient, and don't forget to remind her when she's reverts to being over-nurturing.

In time, you should find that your relationship with your mother have become much better.

Edit: based on your additional details, it looks like your mother is trying to seek acceptance from you. She wants you to show that you love her as well. Tell her that you do love her, and tell her why you are refusing the kiss. Remember, be patient, try your best to get your point across as clear as possible. These thing take time, and lots of it.

Answer 2

I think that you're probably not out of your early twenties; most likely still in your teens. It may seem like your mother's attention and care is/was suffocating, but it was probably the best treatment you're going to get in your life. It's true that excessive nurturing can lead to some problems, but usually that's more along the lines of being excessively nervous or anxious. I'd say your issues probably have more to do with your age and natural rebellion against what you have known in your home. It's the way people become comfortable with breaking out on their own; by creating this distance through a sort of dissatisfaction.

I only saw your additional details now, and I don't quite know what to say about that, but it changes things a bit. Your mother should never not talk to you for such a thing, unless you were misbehaving in other ways, or unless you mean briefly, because your attitude hurt her feelings.

Answer 3

Well, she tried to be the opposite of her mom and this is a good thing---it's too bad that you weren't positively receptive to it. It's not too late to grab some of that love.
Yes, it's true that some parents over-nurture their kids but wait till you have kids, it's hard to avoid doing this because it is a mean world out there and a parent's arms can be a strong tower---if only for the purpose of emotional balance.

Answer 4

It is bad to over-nurture a kid.. Itll make em spoiled.. But you need to undserstand your mom.. She just wants to give you the love she had never felt... At least there's somebody whos always there wen you need her, not like other kids... Be contented with wat you have.... Think about the others that dont hav parents, surely theyd rather be in your position than in their own...

Answer 5

Modern psychology loves to find ways for us to blame others instead of dealing with our own issues. We could find testimony from others who were "over-nurtured" who are happy and well-adjusted, too.
Mom needed to be sensitive to your resistance, but you need to get to the bottom of why you resist touch and why you do not feel good about yourself.

Answer 6

I think that your parents are just trying to make you feel good about yourself.