What do U think of my first poem...?

Question

"The day's just beginning, you see the girl you love, you don't know what to do or say, you're friends, you talk to eachother everyday, on the phone, computer, etc, you're walking with her, talking, laughing, having the time of your life, the sun hits ya, you smile at her she smiles at you, it's time to say goodbye, you hug and walk off, you're walking, past places where we played as kids, later you talk to eachother, time's ending, you say you'll see eachother tomorrow, you know what, you're in goddamn love, is there anything else better in the world"

Answer 1

i think it is what is,simply beautiful and true,what i like about is it is something i can actually relate to.this poem has really made my day,it is something i NEEDED to hear thank you.

Answer 2

Loved the poem. Next time don't take the LORD's name in vain. Otherwise, even with it, it was a wonderful poem. How about trying different words instead? It would sound better than cussing.

Answer 3

Punctuate better. comas make it run all together. To many fragments make it hard to create a flow in you poem.

Answer 4

Besides the profanity I think its awesome. I don't suppose you'd care to change that, huh?

Answer 5

thats pretty good i also think u should leave out the g-d part it doesnt need that

Answer 6

leave out the G--D--- part,other than that it is ok

Answer 7

I think its great. But please dont you the Lords name in vain.

Answer 8

this is how i feel about u right now....

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