We have been married for 2 weeks and....?

Question

well things are not so great. I lost my job and both of our cars broke down - lots of stress. My husband is trying to tell me that I don't understand the stress that he is under, so he can't talk to me about it. But he can talk to his 21 year old daughter, because her mother is kicking her out so she is under a lot of stress too, she needs a place to live. That really hurts me that he can't talk to me about things going on in our lives, but for some reason he can talk to a 21 year old who don't live with us?! He has a habit of taking his frustration on me! And I don't like it, I have talked to him about it and he has gotten better, but still has a long ways to go. I feel like he is pushing me away. I even asked him last night if was ok with the choice that he made about marring me and he couldn't say yes, but he couldn't say no either, so to me this means no - he regrets marring me. Should I just leave and let him go, he is so grumpy and these 2 weeks have been horrible.

I will add I was married for 19 years, and I dated him for 2 great years before we got married - he treated me like a queen

Answer 1

First off, don't be so hard on yourself =) Marriage is hard, especially in the beginning. Unfortunately, spouses don't act the way we think they should. Things don't look the way they should. You may have a certain image of what marriage should look like, how he should behave with you, how he should treat you...how he should put you above anybody else in his life...and when he doesn't....it really hurts.

I'd say this...give it some time. It is good you are trying to open the doors of commnication with him. Meanwhile, do not be hard on yourself and do not jump the gun. I am certain EVERY married couple has questioned whether they should have entered their union with this person at some point of another. And oftentimes this question is asked in the beginning. It is normal to doubt. It is a scary time in life!

Have you considered talking to a therapist? You both have been under inordinate amounts of stress. And compounded with the first month of marriage...that can make everything even worse.

Talking to somebody about it can alleviate some of your pain. Yes, your husband should be confiding in you rather than his daughter. Yes, he should be showing you affection and love rather than pushing you away. But, also give him a break. He may not know how to do this marriage thing either.

Counseling could be something really beneficial for either you or the both of you. Good luck. If it is horrible, you can consider ending it. Otherwise, see if you can work it out.

Answer 2

Dear Girl it's been only two weeks, and this is a very short time to be making a decision to leave. Do you even love each other? Why did you both get married in the first place? Think of the answers wholeheartedly. Then remember that the first few years are the hardest in marriage. You have not begun to experience the real test fully yet. This marriage is new to both of you, and he has known his daughter all his life. Try being a little more understanding of his feelings. Some men can't handle stress as well as women. This is why they don't give birth to children. Remember he is imperfect, and he needs to learn alot of things daily. About you, and this marriage. Just be patient, and try to help him out in different ways. If things get worse for you, and he still won't change. Then get help from a marriage counselor. I'm sure he does not regret marrying you, he just needs time to adjust, and he probably doesn't know how to communicate with you that well yet. Every man gets grumpy, and horrible at times. Maybe just take a day off from him, and then come back with a fresh outlook on things.

Answer 3

Well, I truly feel for the two of you. It is very overwhelming to have all of this dumped into your lives all at once.

If you two have been together for 2 years prior to being married, then you should be able to know whether or not he loves you. He is not telling you everything because he doesn't want to bother you or stress you anymore than what you already are. Also, sometimes it helps to talk to someone other than your spouse about problems you're facing. Not that they don't trust you, it is just sometimes easier to talk to someone that they have known longer.

Also, never question him about whether the marriage is a "bad choice". All you are doing is creating the scene of which your uncertainty and insecurity shows forth and gives him another front to battle, the possibility of you wanting out.

Don't leave him or abandon him. Now is the time in which your love for each other and your faith in each other will shine. I know this may feel like an unfair test but if you to can work through this TOGETHER, you can conquer anything together.

These problems are only temporary and situational. Things will mellow out as soon as things in your life start to come together.

Answer 4

The first month of marriage even when everything is perfect is still really stressful. Adding to that you have car trouble, money trouble and a soon-to-be homeless step-daughter.

I would say that he is under enormous stress, because guys feel like they need to be the providers, but also it's a new situation and everything has gone to pot since you got married. Not that the marriage has anything to do with it.

Also, if his daughter is almost 21, that means he's had a relationship with her that's that much older and trusted than the new one he is in with you. It's easier to share stuff with someone you've known forever.

I say, take a very deep breath and back off a bit. Don't move out and run away from problems, but take a walk together away from the house and do something romantic, no errands. Calmly explain that you feel hurt that he couldn't share his feelings with you. (Leave his daughter completely out of it).

I bet things work out.

--Lee Ann

Answer 5

If for 2 years you two got along great what happened after marriage? Could it be that stress of a new marriage have one or both of you to the point where you can't see daylight? Losing your job and cars breaking down shouldn't stop the love you shared for each other. If you don't give it a chance you will regret it. Maybe he can talk with her because she doesn't or isn't judging him. Sometimes we will sound that way to our loved ones without us meaning for it to. Sit down and without any anger and talk with him about this, if this doesn't work ask him plain out if he wants out of the marriage or it just stress right now. Stress can do a lot to our bodies and mind.

Answer 6

It doesn't sound to me like you love him very much. I am a woman and the last thing, when things are tough, would I ever ask a man is: do you regret us? Because when things are down, the only answer you'll get is, none or yeah. Was he always uncommunicative? If so, why would you expect that to change? Cause you have a ring? And whether he is uptight or not, he is going to try and be there for his kid, no matter what age he is. Maybe removing yourself would help and you'll both figure out what you want if you're separated awhile.

Answer 7

I would say to just hang in there but take a few steps back and allow him to adjust to everything. If he sees that you are okay then that will be one less thing he'll have to worry about. As far as his relationship with his daughter, it's just his fatherly instinct to want to be there for her. Hang in there. I wouldn't jump into any counselors yet. You said that your relationship was great before so let the storm pass. If it doesn't than I would seek counseling. Stress makes us all act different, try not to take it personal and see what happens.

Answer 8

The first few weeks of marriage may be stressful but you should stick it out. Deal with your husband's frustrations for a while. This is going to be a bumpy period and you should just let your husband and stepdaughter deal with their problems. When everything blows over, you two can reconcile and such....

My dad used to do the same thing to my mom. He used to vent his frustrations by yelling at her or something. They were on the verge of divorce but as soon as the stress period was over, they started going back to normal (with a few quarrels here and there).

Try to support your husband. Trust me, he does not regret marrying you. Why else would he propose? If he knew that he was going to be married to you, he should've known that his life would change. But if he does regret marrying you... well, I can't say this in words :) But that is cruel . . .

And don't worry, you'll get back on your feet soon! I wish you luck on your job hunt! (If you are planning on one, that is.)

P.S. If you two have been married for only two weeks, maybe you two should get some counseling. Marriage is serious.

Answer 9

Try to understand the stress he is under and keep trying to talk to him, let him know you are there for him. It sounds like you have had a pretty rough start to your marriage, but you wouldnt have married him in the first place if you didnt love him, why should that change now.

Answer 10

I'm not in your shoes but the reason he is probbly not telling you anything is because men think they have to support the women and he can't and the only reason he is talking to his daughter is because he knows she will love him no matter what is happening just rensure him that you know times are bad now, but you both will get though this together. As in for better or for worst til death due us apart.........Just remember this just make it though the first year and you will make it. Marriage last to those who try to make it work. When you are married he has you he not tring to win your heart any more (lol).