Ok, I asked this earlier and it was recommended that I try and get some men (adults rather then 14 yo) to answer. I started seeing this man (we are both 33) and he kisses terribly...very uncomfortable. Sloppy, wet, the tongue getting shoved down my throat, I am not exagerating. But he is the nicest man w/lots of good qualities, so I keep seeing him. Then we slept together......sweet mother of God, it was by far the worst sex I have ever had in my life. No foreplay, fast, rushed....Is there anyway to fix this? What do I say or do so I don't hurt his feelings or make him feel bad? This is one of the nicest guys I have ever met and I like him ALOT and I realize there is more to life then sex but seriously, I can't go on like this. Also, we have known each other for 5 years (both married to other people) and are now single....his ex became a lesbian so I would imagine there are some issues but I want to give the whole background....thank you.
2007-02-28 12:34:20 · 13 answers · asked by Clarissa 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First off, you say his wife left him because she decided she is lesbian.
Think about that.
If she is lesbian, how much sexual experience do you think he got with her?
If she did let him have sex with her, she probably did want it fast and rushed just to get it over with, because she was into women anyway.
You need to take this into account and take control for awhile.
Explain to him what you like, and slow him down.
It's not his fault, he just inexperienced and what experience he has was with a lesbian.
Poor guy.
Kissing is the same, your going to have to explain to him, gently, because it could make him self concious and hurt his feelings, but help him understand.
He will be open to listening to you, but do it now, not later, because if you wait he will just be ashamed of his performance up until that point.
2007-02-28 12:49:38 · answer #1 · answered by Mr R 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW! IM sorry, your situation is not funny, but I had to laugh after reading your feelings! LOL. I just got in a huge fight with my husband, I didn't even think I was capable of smiling, but you made me.
Anyway. That's a tough one. People always say they want the truth, but sometimes, it's not the easiest thing to do.
Well you have to feel him out, you know his personality, so you'll have to work with that a bit....
Maybe next time before fooling around, you can just say to him, that you had something different to try... something you've been thinking about and can't wait to experience with him (be it a position or whatever), I think you can come right out and tell him how much foreplay would really work for you. That if he would invest a little time and effort into you with foreplay, it will be well worth his while, and hopefully yours too!
Put some ideas, foreplay, positions, things in on a piece of paper put in a box and draw something out that you can do for one another, (I suggest putting a slow soft romatic kiss in there).
I hope you can work this out.
2007-02-28 20:43:53 · answer #2 · answered by addicted2stamping 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your relationship can use some repairing at this point. He has all the qualities you want in a man except the sexual issue. That means to save the relationship you must do the repairing if it is going to work at all. Gently talk to him about it. Ask him to try new things and to slow down and enjoy your time together. It can be offending however sex is for two people to share not for only one to enjoy. You've got your work cut out for you. Good Luck
2007-02-28 20:43:44 · answer #3 · answered by andyt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not a man but I think you should get him worked up tell him to take it slow and kiss you lightly with not so much tounge. Tell him what you want and how you want it. If you love this man so much be honest with him and tell him what to do. He could be just clueless and needs someone to teach him a thing or two. If my husband was the worst lover in bed and kissed really bad that still would not lead to a lesbian affair.
2007-02-28 22:34:18 · answer #4 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are going to have to guide him. When you kiss, gently place your hand on his cheek and guide him to you slowly. Give him a peck on the lips and pull away slowly. Then smile. He'll get it. As for bed, say things like "slow down, baby", and "let me try this for you" and begin a little foreplay. Ask how it feels. Soon you will have an open minded, unselfish, able lover. It helped me.
2007-02-28 20:42:22 · answer #5 · answered by jax0817 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can start by telling him what you are telling 10000000 other people. If he dont know any different then he will always do the same thing. Slow him down tease him make him play a little but you just cant lay there and let him jump on you. lay him down and show him how to take it slow and easy. He dont know what he dont know.
2007-02-28 21:10:28 · answer #6 · answered by Jake K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't start a fire without a spark sweetheart. Tell him the truth....that there's no chemistry between the two of you.....and then go and find yourself a new box of matches to play with ;)
2007-02-28 20:39:58 · answer #7 · answered by killmylandlord 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Use some persuasion without critisisum. Or you might end up a lesbian
2007-02-28 20:40:59 · answer #8 · answered by jesta.drifter 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well... His first clue should be that his x wife went lesbian. If he doesnt pick up on that hint, he never will. I know its hard, but you need to be blunt with him. If he is any kind of man, he will thank you and want to please you and not just himself
2007-02-28 23:25:09 · answer #9 · answered by bukemdano18 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should teach him how to be a better kisser. After all, if you really like this guy, what's the harm?
2007-02-28 21:02:07 · answer #10 · answered by Tyler C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋