will u read what i have so far on my narrative poem and tell me what u think please???

Question

we had to pick something that actually happened to us and we cant have rhyming
also its gota have 5-10 stanzas i just found out...
im only in 7th grade so its probably not the best, so please give me some suggestions.
im writing about the time on vacation we got lost on a smokey mountain. i had a cheer game so i had to write it fast.


the car twisting and spiraling up the mountain side,
with the night sky as dark as a shadow.

the trees were a blanket surrounding the thin, slick rode.
higher and higher we went up the smokey mounatin;directionless.

passing only a few lonely chalet, unable to find ours.
the time ticked by as fast as lightening with no where to go.

"tap tap tap" rain drizzling on the car.
the roads even slicker now, with nowhere to hault.

*I HAVE TO FINISH IT ON ADDITIONAL DETAILS...NOT ENOUGH ROOM!*

passing broken road railing, looking down at luminous lights below;
alone on the smokey mountain, directionless.

finally getting cellphone service, calling the owner of the chalet
he guided us to a driveway to wait for his arrival.

the silence was quickly interrupted,
a blaring engine was heard.
for a red pick-up was headed our way....






THATAS ALL I HAVE SO FAR.
AND PLEASEEE HOW CAN I DO THE PUNCUTUATION?!

Answer 1

I found several spelling and grammatical errors, but otherwise, it is REALLY GOOD. you'd probably get an A+ for that *all smiles*.
here are the errors you should correct:
spiraling – spiralling
rode - road
mounatin – mountain
a few lonely chalet – few lonely chalets
lightening – lightning
no where - nowhere
“tap tap tap” – “tap, tap, tap”
hault – halt
broken road railing – either A broken road railing, or broken road railingS
smokey – smoky
finally getting cellphone service – this should be changed to something like "finally able to contact for help" (cuz “finally getting cellphone service” sounds so informal)
I hope that helped! And hope you get an A+! =)

Answer 2

I have a question for you - do all of your stanzas have to be two lines?

A break in the line is often as effective as any punctuation.

Read the phrases allowed and hear yourself break in the lines when you pause... example:

passing only a few lonely chalet,
unable to find ours...
time ticked by
fast as lightening
with nowhere to go...

It makes it physically longer - yet with greater impact.

The poetic license allows you to not drown in "the" or "as" type words while keeping to your poetic vision.

You have very effective imagery in motion already...
Good luck! Peace --De

Answer 3

change the second "directionless" to only one way to go..{1st stanza after additional details.} USE spell check, rode should be road..passing only a few lonely chalet, add a s to chalet. no u in halt. you might finish it with something about curling up in front of the warm blazing fire place..you have done a good job, deserves a good grade..

Answer 4

i think of "decrease than Milk wood" via Dylan Thomas is perhaps the main significant twentieth century narrative poem. It has many characters talking, and many micro-thoughts... perhaps too lots for a examining. yet another theory would desire to be Poe's "The Raven": it has 3 characters i.e. the protagonist, the Raven, the "bust of Pallas". it may be good & smart examining.

Answer 5

it's really good so far and i think u'll get a good grade on it cuz u have similes and other stuff like that.