What should I do? My mom is possibly cheating on my father.?

Question

Today my mom was using my computer while I was at school. When I came home, I copy pasted something. Apparently I didn't copy it, because what came up was a convo my mom had with another guy on the internet. We always knew she chatted online with old friends, but what I read was quite disturbing. The guy is married, and he was blatantly being a dousche-bag saying things like "he wished he could touch her", "wished he was there"., etc.

Shockingnly enough, my mom said "we think alike". Not to touching her, but to wishing he could rub her back, come up here, etc. She even said things like he should come up and visit. THen he did the classic line of saying "he shoudln't say things like that", and my mom wrote back "Why? it's not like anyone else reads this.."

I know I shoudlnt' of read it, but I did, and i'm quite hurt.. My mom and dad always fight, but it's petty things and they always were fine a lil later. Now I'm worried she might be cheating on him.. What should I do?

I have the guys yahoo address, should I write to him? I don't want him to let my mom know I read it..

I also don't want to say anything to my family (brothers, dad). I don't want to blow something up that could lead to divorce, over something that is maybe different as I see it.

I just wanted to add I'm not some 12 year old kid. I'm 18 and in college. My brothers, who I was thinking about consulting with are 25 and 27, so not exactly children..)

And yes, to the person who said i sound deeply bothered by this, I am. I feel like my mom betrayed me as well as my father.

I would NEVER expect my mother to do something like this, as she is so sweet and caring abot her family. And the other guy she is talking to is in his 60s, some 15 years older than my mom. I'm not exactly worried about him shrugging me off. If you had read what I did, you would see what a manipulative idiot he seems to be.

Answer 1

I hope you will listen to me on this. As an 18 year old you are an adult. As far as your parents go, there are always 2 sides to every story. Since you have found this give your mother the benefit of the doubt and keep quiet to your dad. By staying quiet to your Dad you could possibly save a marriage that might be a little rocky already. This is probably nothing more than an online flirtation for your Mom.

Use that address and tell this guy to back off or you will talk to you dad. If your Mom finds out it might shake her up but she will be too worried to continue with this.

Good Luck.

Answer 2

make a copy of it and show your mom and dad together. Look at it this way if your mom was doing nothing wrong she has nothing to worry about. You do know that it's just a matter of time before the marriage is in big trouble anyway and you can feel good about doing whats right. I would want to know if that was happening to me wouldn't you? If your mom gets mad at you then that is her problem and you deserve better. Hopefully your parents can get some counseling and everything will work out. And remember it wasn't like you went out looking for this it's just your mom forgetting she's not 18 anymore.

Answer 3

Look. You may as well learn something now. No matter what people will say to you, avoiding things or acting like nothing happened serves no point. And to be honest about it, most people dont ever want to be involved in anything because they havent the moral fiber or nerve to deal with things.

Your Mom is married. She married of her own free will, same as your Dad did. They promised things to one another and to God. God and each of your parents has a right to insist that these promises be upheld and honored.

Now, it sounds like your Mom, even if she hasnt actually cheated, is certainly doing something immoral and wrong. And if she finds that she is getting away with this, she just might take the next steps on the path of wrong doing. She has every reason to be confronted with this and to have to deal with it as an adult.

You are not the adult and you do not need to be the one to confront her about this. I would certainly think that your Father needs to be made aware of this. If you dont wish to let him know, then contact the family preacher, priest, or someone who is likely to be as impartial as possible and who is out for what is most likely just and right.

If it should turn out that this situation leads to your parents seperating or divorcing, you will of course be seen as the bad person as much as your Mother will be. Now, as silly as this will sound to you, get used to it and try to realize that what others think and so forth is usually stupid and wrong. You see, that is how people are anymore. They blame everyone except the guilty and always try to divert responsibility. They allow the quilty too many excuses and try to make the good, honest, moral person out to be the bad guy. You will only see more of this as you grow older so you may as well start dealing with it now.

Sorry that you are the one who found this and are now having to make such a decision or choice. But then life isnt fair or easy and it often makes little sense. And lastly, I would caution you about who you take advice or counsel from. Many people love to take what they think, like, approve of or what gets them their way and portray it as moral or sensible or good. Even if what they say seems reasonable, always think on it. At times, doing the right thing is the absolute hardest choice possible. But then, if doing what is right was easy, everyone would do it most of the time, would they not?

Answer 4

To me, when an adult wanted to make a decision, I don't think it is matter if anyone wanted to prevented it to happen. Especially , younger kid as your age. They might think you don't understand or knowing what they been through or what is going on with their life? I am not gonna say that you have to support this problem with your mom, but talk to the other guy is not gonna help either. What make you think he gonna stop talking to your mom? He, himself is married and I am sure he know your mom is also married and still allowed this happen? He seems like didn't care about his own married, so do you think he care about your opinion or plead not to mess with your mom? I think you should talk to your mom, and not anyone else. She is the only person can stop this, since she is the one who is looking for a relationship else where other than your dad. She had to willing to get out. Talk to her and tell her if something happen to their marriage ( your mom and dad).It will effect your life and future tremendously. If she care about her family, then I hope she make the right decision. Good luck.

Answer 5

First of all, I would tell your mom that if she is going to use your computer that she needs to make sure she deletes her online chat activity! That it could be VERY embarassing if one of her kids read what she chatting about with other men! Second, I would warn her that what she's doing could hurt the family. That if her and your dad lack something in their marriage where she feels she needs to go online for attention, that they should sit down and talk things out. But I would confront her with what you now know! Hopefully the shame and embarassment will be enough to get her to knock it off!

Answer 6

I would definitely talk to your mom and dad. You are part of the family and it is a family matter. If your don't talk about it. It will end up in a divorce after an affair. It sounds like you are a level headed kid and you will do well, just do it in a loving way and trust God will help you. God Bless

Answer 7

Hmmm...a toughy.
However, I feel like u r very bothered by it.
Because of this, i think u should talk to your mom. Let her explain things to u and u tell her your feelings on it.
She has a responsibility to her kids as well as her husband, so just be open about it. '
Dont tell dad or brother. This is between you and your mom.
She may be able to make u understand some things, and things may not be as bad as u think they are.
Good luck hun. And remember......us grown ups go through our troubles too. It doesnt mean that we dont love our spouses, but we are normal and have troubles.

Answer 8

sometimes when people get angry they chat on line with someone else, and things get said, but i seriously doubt that your mom even met the man but i would keep what i know to myself as it may not be an affair it may just be some guy on a computer saying these things to your mom. maybe your mom is unhappy at times, but doesn't mean she would actually go through with this.

Answer 9

I would ask you mom about it before jumping to any conclussions, from what u read it sounds pretty bad lol but if you talk to your mom about it maybe she will talk to your dad and they can work on there relationship instead of ur mom trying to find who knows what with another dude. good luck bro.

by the way my mom cheated on my dad so I know how u feel and they are divorced.

Answer 10

Talk to your mother about what you read. If she is cheating, then she will have to deal with the consequences of her actions eventually. Do not tell your Dad or other family members. It's your mother's responsibility.