Should I have the final say in whether or not my unborn baby's father should be in his life??

Question

Im expecting my 1st in 3 mos. And for the last 2 mos or so, Ive been going back and forth on whether or not I want him to be there for our unborn son. He's told me he wants to be there for our baby, but thats only bc he doesnt want his friends or family to be upset with him for not being there. Not only that, but he does drugs and has a gf under age who is also on drugs. I dont think he has one friend over the age of 18 (he's 24 by the way). And then his older sister who he lives with, is not all there and also does drugs. I don't think he's wants to be there or is ready to be a father!!! Is there anyone who can give me some advice?? I'd ask my friends/family but they all say the same thing and it would be nice to hear someone else's opinion.

Answer 1

As long as you're sure he won't do drugs while he is with your son, I think he should definitely have some kind of relationship with his father. Hopefully, your boyfriend will mature and get off the drugs and clean himself up one day. And your child should know his Dad, for better or worse.

Just make sure you are present whenever he is around your baby to make sure your child is safe. As for whether or not you have final say, if your boyfriend wants to be involved in his son's life, and he pushes the issue with the courts, its up to the judge, not you.

If this guy is such a loser and a druggie, why did you decide to have a child with him? Just curious.

Answer 2

I'm sorry but everyone saying you dont have the final say is full of crap. This is your child and it is your duty as a mother to protect that child. Even from its own father. He is a drugged up peadophile and I know I wouldnt let anyone like that around my kids.
As someone else said, dont put his name on the birth certificate and he has no say. I really doubt he will take you to court to prove that he has to pay child suppourt, for some reason.
This means that you cant expect any financial assistance from him. And will have this responsibility all to your self.
But do what is best for your baby, it is much better to grow up without a father than have a drugged out paedophile as a father.

Answer 3

It would be nice to really have the final say. Although he does not sound like a role model in any way the courts may let him have visitation. If he pays child support he has legal rights to see the baby, unless he gives up those rights. I'm not sure what the law will say about his drug use though? Maybe that will be on your side and he will have to clean up before he is allowed to visit your son, at least I would hope so. I would check with a county clerk or state appointed lawyer to see if they can help you out.

Answer 4

I am assuming the baby is the most important thing here? I dont know what drugs he is on, but they affect your judgement, perception and reaction times. If anything went wrong, would you really want the baby aroudn someone stoned, and not thinking? Even just pot which isnt that bad can delay thought processes to a potentially dangerous point.
I have a friend and her ex was a huge stoner. There was an electrical fire in there house (no fault of his) and he ran out, but forgot Jessie. Jess is now 6 and still covered in burns, her hair will never grow, and she cant walk properly. I know its an unusual situation, and porbably wouldnt happen to you, but do you want to risk it?

Answer 5

Well it's not about 'SHOULD' you have the final say but it's more the fact that you ultimately have no choice. You don't get the final say. He is the father. His bad habits are punishable though and can allow you to go to court and fight for your baby's welfare. I would NOT allow my baby to be in his presence alone....EVER! Not until he has cleaned up his act. If he wants to see his baby, it's going to be supervised visits and when you allow - unless, like I've said, you go to court on the matter and they decide differently. He'll have to go for routine drug tests before they allow anything anyway!!! Suggest it if it comes up! Be sure you fight for that child support though - even if he isn't responsible enough to physically take care of baby, he sure in the heck should be helping buy baby's needs!!!!!!

Be sure to have all your p's and q's together before any kind of court date. If you want what's best for your baby you will be certain of it!

Good Luck.

Answer 6

Use the time you have at your friends domicile to locate any style of interest in spite of if its quickly nutrition a job is money and after that get on government advice like nutrition stamps, WIC, and you may desire to have some money coming in for section 8 housing yet thats why you decide on some style of jobs its very decrease priced yet you nevertheless would be unable to pay for it in case you're broke. And sue your boyfriend for new child help i think of your justified to do it being that he decieved you into thinking he could be there for you a then basically bailed. a real guy could desire to have informed you interior the initiating wether he replaced into waiting for a splash one or no longer so which you does no longer be in this mess. yet he took the cowards way out sue him.

Answer 7

i honestly dont think that hes going to be there for the child wether you want him to or not, its just too much responsibility and when he realizes that this question won't even be relevant. however, if im wrong i say let him be in the child's life. dont let him be alone with the child but let him visit. as the child grows he will either change or not. if he doesnt change than you child will see the father for who he is and not have that question in their mind about their father.its better that the child know and see for themselves rather then resenting u for keeping the father out of their life. at the very least the child will know for themselves who and what their father is. its awful not to know these things for yourself be they good or bad.

Answer 8

At this point in his life, it doesn't sound like he's in any position to be a father...however, he should be required to help support the child since he helped create it.

Down the road, if he gets his life straightened out (and I hope he does, for his sake and his potential child's) then it would be appropriate for him to be able to play a part in his child's life. However, legally, unless he can be proven to be a danger to the child it's likely a judge would grant him some kind of rights if he were to press it in court.

Answer 9

I think he has the right to be there for his child and YOU cant take that right away from him. That's like saying to you, that he thinks, you don't have the right things to provide for the child and that you don't deserve to have the baby. I wouldn't let him take the baby over to his sisters house personally, but why condemn him for what his sister does. That baby is half yours and half his you both have equal rights to the baby unless otherwise determined by a judge.

Answer 10

Think about the safety of your child if he wants to be a father tell him to grow up leave the girl and stop doing drugs if he doesn't then don't let him see the baby until he cleans up his act. If you are ok with his family and they want to be in the babies life then let them but if they try to say its wrong let them know you dont want him or his lifestyle around the baby maybe you can all convince him to change. good luck.