How do I tell my husband that I have been with since I was 18,,,?

Question

We have been married 19 years, that I can not stand something he does when we are being intimate?????Without suprising him after all of these years, and without wounding him...We have a great relationship and friendship,,,but that is a touchy touchy subject....especially after all of this time,,,but it is driving me crazy and I cant stand it, it shoots me right out of the mood. Any advice would be so appreciated

Answer 1

Try telling him in this manner....."when you do this, I'd really preferr if you did......." that is non confrontational, non-judgemental, etc. and he shouldn't be offended in the least.

Answer 2

That's a tough situation. The best thing do to is try not to use the word "you" when telling him. As example, say you don't like how he kisses your neck, then say "Hun, I can we talk for a minute? I love our intimate life, its great. But to really keep the mood going I would really liked to be kissed this way. It will feel really great...". Use the work "I" instead of "you". If you tell him that he's doing it wrong then it will feel like an attack. If you tell him something that will feel better or work better then he will be more willing to hear it.
You could also try asking him to do something else when he starts to do the thing you don't like. Example, when he begins the thing you hate, in a nice way direct him to a different area. Guys love direction in a good way while being intimate.
Good luck! I hope this helps!!
-Brit

Answer 3

Ok look madam. All guys are clueless and we need advice and clear instructions. He can not and will not figure this out by himself, worse still he probably thinks you like it. So you need to take him aside, preferably when you are not having shenanigans and say.

"Darling I do love you very much and I really enjoy being intimate with you... bla de bla... but I would prefer if you didn't (whatever it is that is the problem) when we are being intimate. It's really not my thing."

After this conversation it should never happen again.

As an aside to this a girl I was having shenanigans with really didn't like being touched around her neck. She mentioned this to me and I appreciated the advice. I told her if I ever did it again she was to take my wrist and pull my hand firmly away from her neck. So when it did happen again (because I forgot [male habit]) she did what I advised her, we didn't loose the mood and it was fine. Plus she felt empowered.

Moral of the story is we need to be told.

Success with your schenenigans.

Answer 4

this calls for a little white lie from johnny b. good -- tell you used to like x but now you are tired of x and want y. get it? pitch a damn fit and use this little mind game to improve things. if only our government could upgrade the diplomatic service and ms. rice to accomplish such things. sometimes the direct approach isn't the shortest distance to get where you wanna go, eh? tell old johnny if this works for you. but you must be firm or he will not take you seriously. he will figure this will pass, too. get down with this thing if you really care. lol

Answer 5

Just talk to him.

You've been keeping this secret for a long time and it's come to the point where it's just too big to pass.

But talk to him. The fact you have been together since age 18 means nothing--talk with him. Communicate.

He's not going to know if you don't tell him. He can't just read your mind (few men can).

Answer 6

Be honest. That's the simplest and only answer I have for you. Besides - if he's been with you this long, I'm sure he won't mind so much. If he became upset at all, it would most likely be for you not telling him sooner - and that wouldn't be too bad at all.

Answer 7

If you been together that long you should be able to tell him anything. He should understand and respect your feelings. Just tell him he is getting you out of the mood and he won't regret it, if he stops what he is doing.

Answer 8

Just tell him the truth. After 19 years you should be able to tell him anything.

Answer 9

Try to keep your point positive. Rather than making it a bad thing, try the approach of I like this BETTER and the thing that you don't like as something I don't like as much. He might take the more positive approach better than simply complaining about the problem.

Answer 10

Obviously, honesty may not be the best policy here. I don't what exactly you're referring to (and believe me, I don't want to know the specifics!), but maybe there's a subtle way you could redirect this particular turn off into something more pleasurable.

Answer 11

great friendship!!that is the reason why you shd tell him.U deserve to enjoy the intimacy and your happiness is paramount.If u cant get it of directly.why not suggest he does it differently or leave it out all together.After he does and if it is to your satisfaction,be grateful and compliment .he will do it your way every time.