I had an affair that I confessed to my wife 7 weeks ago and she is palgued by images of me with the other woman. I desperately want to help her deal with the pain she is going through.
2007-02-28 09:19:04 · 23 answers · asked by J C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
let me see...it's been 18 years...it was 3 years before that time of the year went by and I didn't think of it...i wanted details and he wouldn't tell me...i got mad, but i'm glad he wouldn't tell me...get counseling...if you are really committed to this woman, then be open, honest, pefect gentleman, yes, you are paying pennance, she deserves it...you will need to "court" her...woo her back into that trust and love that you have destryed...You are supposed to protect her, shelter her from storms and you created one...we have been married for 27 years now, had 3 kids when it happened...it is a tough road but you better be nice to her because there is no stronger feeling of betrayal than to have your "other half" go outside of marriage...she may have some issues that contributed to the affair but they did not cause it...you were weak thinking the grass would be greener and all you did was like a mole tearing up your own grass! Get some help for the 2 of you or get out of the marriage.
2007-02-28 10:56:33 · answer #1 · answered by sweetie pie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The physical act of infidelity is not necessarily the most damagin element. An extra-marital affair is almost always conducted in secrecy. This secrecy, particularly once it is discovered, undermines an otherwise health marriage. The idea of trust, openness, sharing and the belief that you belong to something all will unquestionably be damaged. At this point, the cheater needs to own up to things and the victim needs to be able to express what they are going through openly. Then the issue that led to the affair can b addressed and both parties need to take responsibility for the problems an how they will be fixed. Yes, a marriage can survive infidelity and a happy marriage can be restored with patience, sincerity and effort. Some of the hurdles that will arise are the victim’s inability to get over the deception the adulterer’s inability to realize what they have done and how wrong it i or a general inability to address and fix the underlying problems. It is very hard and takes up to 3 years from some persons to recover.
2007-02-28 09:30:53 · answer #2 · answered by bibus75 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You now want to help your wife get over images of you in bed with another female? Aren't you a sweetie! I wish I could talk to her, and let her know they will never go away! I would also tell her that depending on her personality and traits, she may never be the same with you again. That once a cheater, normally always a cheater, it has been proven. That something is missing in your marriage, and your husband is out looking for it. Most important I would like to tell you that if this situation were reversed, how much could anyone help to take such a pain away? The awful rejection of the person you said "I do" too? How could YOU ignore the images of another man making love and touching your wife everywhere on her body? You couldn't jerk!
2007-02-28 09:41:17 · answer #3 · answered by sue d 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to feel really bad for what you did. You also need to let her work through this. And do whatever it takes even if it means listening to her over and over for months. You need to re-build her sense of security that you took away from her and you need to do this everyday. Please get the Dr.Phil book Relationship Rescue that will show her your trying women love to see their man taking their relationship seriously ... and maybe you can heal her broken heart. And never give her any details about this other woman ever! If you already have stop ... be sure to tell her how much you need and love her. You should be grounded for a very long time.
2007-02-28 09:26:06 · answer #4 · answered by Summer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At least you feel better right???
If your wife still wants you...then couples therapy is the way to go. She has to get some coping skills and you need to figure out why you cheated in the first place. Of course she is angry and hurt! 7 weeks isn't long for her to forgive AND forget! That, my friend is going to take a long time!
2007-02-28 09:45:27 · answer #5 · answered by Tee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure? Then get into counseling cause cheating on your spouse is a form of revenge and for some reason you have unfinished business (resentment, anger, rage) and your trying to punish her. Until you resolve that issue ... your destined to cheat again. Good Luck.
2007-02-28 09:33:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you didn't have the affair you wouldn't be in this situatuion would you.
the best advice that I can think of is to go to couples therapy with her. She's probebly worrying about what she could have done to prevent you from having the affair as well.
2007-02-28 09:37:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
my guess is from now on and for the rest of your life
treat her like a princess... shower and in affection..
maybe after she has some time to heal..
but do all you can to show her (with words and actions)
shes the woman for you ... and you don't want anyone else.
my guess is make sure your sincere and you mean absoutley everything you say.. otherwise it won't be taken seriously..
good luck
2007-02-28 09:24:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
All you can do is be patient, and loving. And if she asks any questions about the affair, answer all of them truthfully. Also make her feel as loved and special as you can. Good luck.
2007-02-28 09:24:13 · answer #9 · answered by Teslajuliet 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately all you can do is admit you are wrong and do your best to prove you are sorry! In that situation i was married for four years and he was in the service he cheated on me so many times! We are getting a divorce so that didnt work for us! When you break that trust it is usually is pretty tough to make it right!
2007-02-28 09:23:02 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋